General Welcome To My World

[amethist]

This is what my husband said to me last night after a bit of a rough time. Not as bad as last weekend but bad enough for him.

I was OK to start with, i got him to bed with his incense oils burning and he settled down to sleep through it as this is the only way he can get his mind back to where it should be.

That done, i caught up with a friend on my PC for a while until he went to eat. I was still ok for a while.

Then out of the blue i was hit like a thunder bolt with feelings of doom and gloom and total despair. I started shaking and my mind went into hyper-drive with confusion and irrational thoughts of "what if scenarios" and worse.

I have had depression years ago when kicked i my first husband out, but nothing like this, i lived a normal ish live with that, but never ever felt like this bad.

I tried to shake it off, no chance it was stuck to me like an extra limb and it was not going to let go. So i decided to go and try and sleep thinking the incense still in the air in our bedroom would relax me enough to get over it. For some reason i did not work, my mind was still in hyper-drive. I did get a few hours but when i woke up it was all still there.

I felt like this all yesterday, i could not do anything normal at all. I could not go out in the sun, watch TV, use my PC,Phone my daughter absolutely nothing apart from sit and mope and brood over everything. Along with the irrational thought this was a scary place to be, it wasn't until i snapped at our poor cat ( i love our cat to bits we owe her so much but that is for another time) that he noticed how bad i was, he had been in self preservation mode as he calls it.

We finally sat and talked it all through last night, about how we had both been effected by this, me ending up in floods of tears which was a relief in itself as i had not been able to do this all day. Then came the famous words:-

Welcome To My World

Even though i have not felt the full impact of what PTSD feels like, he said that maybe i have had a small insight into some of what he and others go through, sometimes daily.

As he also said he would not wish this to happen to anyone and maybe now i can understand why he is so restricted to what he can do just now.

This is just some of what happened and i am not saying that i will ever fully understand it all because i doubt i ever will, but maybe now i can except what is happening to us and others in this situation a bit easier.

:Hug_emoticon: to all

Amethist

 

[Nicolette]

While I never want to experience what Anthony goes through I have had PTS so I have had a taste of the need to isolate, the anxiety, the feeling like you are going to die and a few other symptoms.

Being with Anthony did help me make more sense of what I had experienced and I guess helped me be a better Carer.

 

[desperate]

Wow. I always tell my husband I wish I could understand where he is coming from, so maybe I could handle it better. Maybe I don't want that after all. Hope things get better for you!

 

[blackemerald1]

Welcome to My World

I am very sorry you had this experience, it must have been dreadful for you and even more so, you could not find the key or a simple solution to stop this experience occurring. or, even work out why it started. So it must have been terribly frightening.. I am wondering if you might be worried it may return and, again you will experience some part of the world of PTSD? Maybe, you need to make a simple plan to instigate should this episode occur again.

Maybe, especially in the next few months, ask someone sensible to give you a quick call each day because you wrote you could not call anyone during this experience. Pin the plan up and if it happens, it might be possible for you to follow it and get some help.

I am so glad you and your husband talked and you cried and he was able to see that you had experieced for a relatively short time, what his PTSD World does to his psyche. In some ways you might find yourself closer to each other now that you really, actually, totally experienced this PTSD World. Though I must add, I would never wish PTSD on anyone.

I hope, if nothing else comes from this, then both your husband and you become winners from this and that would be a blessing. I am not inferring you are not already close or, in any way needed this experience, that would be very stupid,. untrue and, presumptious of me. I also wonder if your husband, in his own way, by saying those words will let you into more of his PTSD World too and that surely, must be a good in terms of understanding.

Now, in terms of self-care. you spent quite some time unable to help yourself or seek assistance. Please forgive me for being presumtious but, I think you should consider seeking out some professional support and tell him/her what happened to you. Write it down if you think you are going to get there and not remember etc., It is just a precautionary thing I thnk you can do because this visit to the PTSD world occured in what you described as a relatively normal period of time, evidenced by you useing the phrase "..then out of the blue..."

So, I am sure you have hauled up hundreds of possibilities or triggers and I certainly hope this never happens again.. But please consider getting checked out and take charge of this World you got a glimpse of and have apparently been able to leave. Welcome to my World, reminds me of a line from the Eagles, in the song Hotel California..."You can check in any time you like...but you can never leave..." Please consider being examined by a qualified professional, so you don't check in ever again because I know it is so sad never being able to leave.

Regards
Blackemerald1

 

[amethist]

Thanks for the support and advice.

This is something that nobody should go through for what ever reason.

Luckily i already have a councillor who will be calling me on Wednesday and a support group, not been able to go to the group yet as things seem to crop up at the last minute.

We also have in our local city a carers office where you can pop in or make an appointment just to have a chat when things get too bad. i still work full time but am hoping to cut my hours down soon, fingers crossed.

There is a big support network available but you can guarantee the times i need it they are either shut or busy.

My local doctors know the situation and are a big help, but i have to be careful who i go see as they are only too willing to give me a sick note. This is great when needed but sometimes finances don't always allow it.

So as far as i can tell i do pretty much every thing i am supposed to do for me, but this just sneaked up from behind and bit me big style.

I am not saying that there have not been times when i have had thoughts of leaving because there has been quite a few this last 9 years that we have been together because of other illnesses that he has had before this invaded our lives, but some thing always makes me take a step back and rethink.

And finally we are lucky that we were very close before this hit him. So even through all that has happened so far we still have a strong bond. He calls it a piece of elastic that gets stretched to breaking point but always pulls back, there are a few knots in it where it has got a bit over stretched but its still holding fast so far.

Thanks again Amethist