No it does not look any different! Her dementia is not an excuse. Your fear of her eventual death is not an excuse. Her only being part of your PTSD history is not an excuse! Her being a lackluster mother but still a "good" person is not an excuse! How many excuses are you willing to pile on so you can keep inflicting torture on yourself by doing these appointments with your mother when your PTSD cannot handle it yet!
And statements about the "no contact" effort "not working".... What do you mean it was not working?! Did you stick to the boundary or not? And why? No contact Always works for people who commit to finally putting themselves and their mental sanity FIRST in life.
You are counteracting your PTSD recovery and quite literally risking your sanity every time you have a session with her. The level of trigger you have right now means that your PTSD can get substantially worse OVERNIGHT. This is not a joke. This is not a game! This is not an exagerration. This level of triggering is exactly what happens before people like us suddenly have explosively horrible new symptoms. I am a living example as are thousands of members on this forum. Not only is none of this and excuse, its a testament to the amount of therapy you still need just to learn how to love yourself enough to finally PROTECT your self at all costs!
Please go read ANY BASIC material about what is required for PTSD treatment. You need to be in a place exclusively with people who are mentally/physically/emotionally safe so you can avoid triggering for a very extended period of time. Instead, you are retraumatizing yourself by doing these weekly appointments with your mother.
I'm sorry your Mom is old and has dementia but please understand that does not even begin to threaten to hint... To even be a whiff of an excuse for you to be doing joint-sessions with her right now. I'm not going to say anything else after this post. Those who have excuses tend to keep having them.
Everyone has to learn on their own how to internalize the true magnitude of the abuse and neglect that has destroyed their brain and given them PTSD, and everyone must learn on their own that their life depends on ruthless boundary setting and sticking to it like your life depends on it, because it does! Everyone must learn how to value themselves so highly, they would never chose to be around their abusers in the midst of high-level triggering, unless they were basically at gunpoint. We have to take the fog off our eyes.
If your mother really loved you and understood that your sanity could be permantly destroyed forever if you continue to be retriggered at this time, would she want you doing therapy? If so, she's a narcissist, and therapy will only serve as a mask for her to reabuse later and continue to play on/off with your boundaries.
If both therpists know the level of triggering you are having they would both immediately recommend a hault to the sessions with your mom. Otherwise you are dealing with truly negligent therapists who care more about a buck than your full mental, physical, emotional and spritual health. What you are doing is a direct violation of PTSD recovery. I will stop now. Good luck.
And statements about the "no contact" effort "not working".... What do you mean it was not working?! Did you stick to the boundary or not? And why? No contact Always works for people who commit to finally putting themselves and their mental sanity FIRST in life.
You are counteracting your PTSD recovery and quite literally risking your sanity every time you have a session with her. The level of trigger you have right now means that your PTSD can get substantially worse OVERNIGHT. This is not a joke. This is not a game! This is not an exagerration. This level of triggering is exactly what happens before people like us suddenly have explosively horrible new symptoms. I am a living example as are thousands of members on this forum. Not only is none of this and excuse, its a testament to the amount of therapy you still need just to learn how to love yourself enough to finally PROTECT your self at all costs!
Please go read ANY BASIC material about what is required for PTSD treatment. You need to be in a place exclusively with people who are mentally/physically/emotionally safe so you can avoid triggering for a very extended period of time. Instead, you are retraumatizing yourself by doing these weekly appointments with your mother.
I'm sorry your Mom is old and has dementia but please understand that does not even begin to threaten to hint... To even be a whiff of an excuse for you to be doing joint-sessions with her right now. I'm not going to say anything else after this post. Those who have excuses tend to keep having them.
Everyone has to learn on their own how to internalize the true magnitude of the abuse and neglect that has destroyed their brain and given them PTSD, and everyone must learn on their own that their life depends on ruthless boundary setting and sticking to it like your life depends on it, because it does! Everyone must learn how to value themselves so highly, they would never chose to be around their abusers in the midst of high-level triggering, unless they were basically at gunpoint. We have to take the fog off our eyes.
If your mother really loved you and understood that your sanity could be permantly destroyed forever if you continue to be retriggered at this time, would she want you doing therapy? If so, she's a narcissist, and therapy will only serve as a mask for her to reabuse later and continue to play on/off with your boundaries.
If both therpists know the level of triggering you are having they would both immediately recommend a hault to the sessions with your mom. Otherwise you are dealing with truly negligent therapists who care more about a buck than your full mental, physical, emotional and spritual health. What you are doing is a direct violation of PTSD recovery. I will stop now. Good luck.
