Well, I've returned after a bad... Bad day...
I know that I don't have PTSD, but why not just add on to what I have? That's okay, I hope.
So today, I had registration for college and stuff. That all went fine and good, but I felt horrible. Absolutely horrible. Not many thoughts about the hypnosis, at least not in the beginning, but I was so, so, so down. The entire time. Twitchy, stressed out, freaked out. I keep reminding myself that, because this is actually depression, and I have been depressed before after the girl broke my heart, if I hold out for another few months (it took about a year for me to feel okay back then, I assume a year might at least give me a bit of a pick up), then I might start seeing results.
But, I'm on medication, and I feel like it's a crutch, and it's something that rips through my chest every time I start to think I feel better. "It's only the medicine", I think. "You'll crash soon enough, just you wait".
And I'm always right. I desperately cling to the hope that I'll have better days, but no. After about a week, I'm back in the darkness, Googling cures for depression or PTSD or a forgetting pill. I'm desperate here.
I know I have the unrealistic expectation of a quick fix cure, but... I'll feel better eventually, right? I mean, one day soon, the memories of this witch taking over people's lives and stealing their money won't hurt as much, right? That's all I could think about on my way home: Why did I find those things? What brought me there? What did I do wrong? Why me?
I don't know what to expect, but I'm still depressed and still very afraid for the future. I can't have many more days like this before I go into another panicked frenzy leading to an ER visit.
So... Therapy will make it better? I'll eventually ease off Prozac and be okay? Anyone want to kindly lend me advice? If not, that's fine, I think you for at least reading this and letting me get it all out, but... I don't know if it's the way I'm laying of something I ate, but there's a slight tinge of pain in my heart, and that's been there when I get deep into this nightmare.
