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- #13
Thanks @TimeToHeal, I do understand all that and agree - like I said, the best thing I've learned from this forum is the proper place of friends as supporters, etc. I certainly don't expect her to understand and I haven't asked her to. However, while she doesn't have PTSD, she HAS dealt with depression and anxiety, and I guess I was just disappointed she would opt for the insistently optimistic approach when I'm sure she knows it's not that easy. Even if I only had depression, the "blue skies" comment is still not a very helpful thing to say. But I know she has been busy and exhausted lately and I suspect she just wanted to say something kind, and didn't have the energy to delve into anything deeper than that. I'm not upset with her for saying it - just working through my own feelings that arise when I hear stuff like that.
I guess above all (and this is MY problem, not hers) - I have a really hard time allowing myself to feel this badly and accepting myself in the midst of it. I tend to just shove myself aside and force myself to ignore what's going on, but in the end that isn't helpful for me and just makes things worse. I feel so much guilt for not being better already (and my parents' influence in this area only makes things worse - they want me to just get better and be done already). I do get what you're saying about focusing too much on the negative (I've definitely been there, too), but in my case, sometimes I really do need the validation of "I see you, I see that you're not okay, it's okay to not be okay, and it's okay if this is a longer process than we might have hoped - you are not BAD for being stuck here." And then, perhaps, a "So, how can I make you laugh today?"
But in the end, I think it's probably wisest to just let people support how they feel comfortable supporting, and take the good from each person as best I can.
I guess above all (and this is MY problem, not hers) - I have a really hard time allowing myself to feel this badly and accepting myself in the midst of it. I tend to just shove myself aside and force myself to ignore what's going on, but in the end that isn't helpful for me and just makes things worse. I feel so much guilt for not being better already (and my parents' influence in this area only makes things worse - they want me to just get better and be done already). I do get what you're saying about focusing too much on the negative (I've definitely been there, too), but in my case, sometimes I really do need the validation of "I see you, I see that you're not okay, it's okay to not be okay, and it's okay if this is a longer process than we might have hoped - you are not BAD for being stuck here." And then, perhaps, a "So, how can I make you laugh today?"
But in the end, I think it's probably wisest to just let people support how they feel comfortable supporting, and take the good from each person as best I can.
