Well, So Much For The Concept Of Xanax ....

[MT Johnny]

I haven't even opened the bag from the pharmacy

Nice in theory - but there is literally no time in my life 24/7 right now when I feel "safe" trying it because I get called on at all hours to run around dealing with my caregiver situation. Been called to the nursing home in the middle of the night 3-4 times in 2 weeks, plus a late night and an early AM ER trip.

I can't risk it - I have to be able to drive on short notice.

Oh well. I actually am having less anxiety about my own situation because of the family drama of caring for a sick elderly relative and having that always on my mind.

 

[Friday]

Consider it like going out to get drunk... There are steps one has to take to be able to do so safely: hire a babysitter, take a cab, not leave your drink unattended, etc. All the things one must do in order to drink responsibly. Very specifically, because you will not be functioning at normal levels, and know it in advance.

You have a caregiver situation, here. All the parents on this forum? Needed to make arrangements for alternative care when first trying meds. It's not like, well can't take care of my health because I'm responsible for others! Nope. You back up, arrange babysitting or similar, go grocery shopping so there's food for the kids and sitter, etc. That's how one remains responsible for others... Not by being the one that is always "on". By making sure that someone is always on.

Determine the night you want to try it, phone the facility and let them know that you will be unavailable / call the next person on their list. Or have a cab company on call. Or, or, or.

Problems are not reasons to stop. They're reasons to find solutions.

 

[MT Johnny]

Alas, there is basically no "next person on the list" because hey, families are just such a treat some times.

 

[Friday]

Facilities are aware of this. They have their own protocols when next of kin cannot be reached. Informing them in advance saves wasted time trying to get ahold of you.

Meanwhile, if it's not a facility, but an individual? Then one arranges an action plan. "If I cannot be reached, call 911" (or cabulance, or a cab, etc.).

 

[Friday]

If you don't want to try meds, that's fine, in and of itself. Not trying to convince you one way or another. It's simply that the problems you list aren't full stop. There are many ways around them. Sometimes that can be hard to see either when it's your first go, or you're in the middle of a thing.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

The med issue can always be worked around.

Gotta take care of yourself, first. Its always been like this, will always be like this. If you can't take care of yourself, you can't be expected to take care of anyone else.

 

[The Albatross]

I understand that it's not that simple. Don't give up on trying to establish an additional support system if you can. It's not a one man/woman job... though many would like to think it is or they leave it to one person to be the primary and fail to provide respite.

Spock's going through that some right now and it isn't even her parent.

I understand and feel you... been there and deal with it with other people"s children for my clients.

Bring it around to YOU are the one who is there and try to find ways to get support if not from your family from agency or volunteers to give you some respite?

 

[The Albatross]

Sorry Friday, disagree with you on this one... have seen many a family member in facility impaired and it's an issue. When a primary caregiver/responsible party is impaired it can affect the situation. He is right to acknowledge that the importance of availability outweighs a dose of valium at this time until he can get assistance or additional support in place.

Taking RX prescribed Valium is not like going out to get drunk. Sorry, eh, nope.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

uhm @The Albatross, this is an ongoing issue that he's been posting about for awhile now.... Its not just a matter of waiting until things calm down. He needs to take pro-active steps in order to ensure that he doesn't crack. And at this rate, I'd say that's the road he's headed down. That is, working insane hours, at the care facility on all his time off, and not taking care of himself. That's a recipe for disaster, especially when one only gives excuses as to why they can't take care of themselves. And given how much the OP hates inpatient facilities, one might think that he'd try to take better care of himself. But alas, I guess not.

 

[joeylittle]

Alas, there is basically no "next person on the list"

Just wondering - is this because there literally is no-one, or (if I remember correctly) because no-one else wants to participate?

Can't you:

• give the facility the alternate contact numbers
• let them know you will be unavailable (just pick a 48 hour period, if you want to dip a toe in)
• Leave messages for the family members letting them know you will be unreachable and they have been listed as alternates. it's not a conversation, it's just notification.

Look at it this way: if you are in the hospital and incapacitated because your mental health collapses around your knees, who is the person they call then? In other words - there is such a thing as plan B. It might not be ideal, but neither is you going off the rails.

 

[Friday]

Taking RX prescribed Valium is not like going out to get drunk. Sorry, eh, nope.

Possibly a bad example. The point I was trying to make is that meeting responsibilities is about making sure they're met. Not about always being the one to do them, especially if it's unsafe or impossible to. Whether that's because you're on a mind and mood altering substance... Or traveling for business... Or having surgery.

He (anyone) would need to arrange for alternate care for their charges if they're going to be unavailable. No one can be available 24/7 365.

I used drinking as an example because most people are familiar with needing to plan for that (babysitter, cabs or other ways to not drive drunk, not needing to be making rational decisions of an important nature, etc.)... But really any "I can't be there until tomorrow" example would work.

 

[ms spock]

@MT Johnny I totally get where you are coming from. I don't really have any good answers. I really struggle with this stuff. I did better today - but that is not much help to you at this immediate time. Thinking of you. Elder care is really hard. I tried to say something in another thread and I don't think I was terribly helpful to you.

Can you do 5 minutes of self care per day?

Can you just give yourself a break that this is how it is now and you are doing the best that you can?

My best to you - pace yourself - because if you die tomorrow that elder member would be on their own. I don't even know what happens then. So take care of yourself.

Can you take a Xanax at the nursing home and stay the night in the room? Wild crazy irrelevant ideas - what I do best. I don't even know your circumstances but I SO feel for your dilemma.

I just have spent a year deprogramming my thinking around all of this as well. Still on my Ls.