Went Wrong Again

[macca]

Coming down from feeling overwhelmed. My husband, instead of giving me space when I desperately need to calm, instead goes on the attack and wonders why I react so much. I had experienced a fair bit of stress today, and finally managed, with the help of my son's psychologist, to convince him that our son has OCD, it's not "attention-seeking" or "bad behaviour" as he had always insisted before (for months). Finally. But, it cost me stresswise on top of everything else, and when he had a go at me I couldn't hang on any longer and unfortunately took it out on myself again (punched myself in the head many times). I HATE that I do that, but it can happen when I am triggered badly. My father was emotionally abusive, and that kind of thing really triggers me. I am trying to stop, and especially am ashamed that it happened in front of him. He likely thinks that it's also "attention-seeking" when really it's "leave me the hell alone". I have been trying to get him to understand that 1 session of EMDR is not going to "cure" me, but he still reacted with yelling at me that we're "back to square one", as if I'm not trying at all. I have actually been doing better lately, but he wants too much too fast (re recovery - geez, it took 40 years to come out full-blown, give us a break!). I try so hard, I really do. I know I have to do a better job keeping it together, and I know this is tough on him. But it just all got too much. I just feel so wretched. :(:(

 

[Tinyflame]

Macca, to do a better job to keep it together you need a break (I've been there). Whether he supports it or understands or not you have to do it, and turn the stress down. It will get better, you are just overwhelmed. Forgive yourself and carry on. :hug:

 

[macca]

This is getting worse. I did not lash out at him, rather it was the other way around. He yelled at me again, and I had to walk away, which he took badly, and now he is acting really disappointed in me, and has isolated himself in our room. I think it might in part be due to his having had to agree that it was OCD in our son - he doesn't handle not being "right" very well at all. I'm sorry he feels like the victim, but I cannot do this tonight. I'm cracking up.

 

[mytai]

@macca, I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I don't have much to say, sorry about that, it's 4:30am here... just wanted to reach out to you. In regards to your husband reacting to your son having OCD, it might be that he is having a hard time accepting that your son won't grow out of it. Your husband might be feeling pretty helpless between your son and you, knowing he can't really do anything to make it better. Some men have a really hard time when they can't "fix" it and make it all better right away.

Still no excuse for him to lash out though. He needs to keep his frustration in check. Sending you safe hugs if you want them.

 

[macca]

@Junebug and @mytai thank you for your support. It means so much to me right now, especially considering the time of day it is for you. I am trying hard not to lose it. Cuddled one of our guinea pigs. She's so sweet, it helped a little bit. I'm scared of interacting with my husband in any way, as I am so on edge. I dread going to bed tonight, as he is likely to either ignore me, or have a go at me, triggering either way. He won't sleep until I'm in bed, so I can't avoid it.

 

[mytai]

@macca, Take all the time you need for yourself to be ok. Even if it means not sleeping in the same bed as your husband tonight. Put yourself first right now. He's a big boy, he will get over it eventually and you can always talk it out in the morning once everyone has had time to cool off. If you are a bath person, then take a hot bath right now and read a book, or just do something to help yourself relax physically a bit.

 

[macca]

Thank you, yes. I'm not thinking straight. I will try and read for a bit, and if I can't concentrate, I'll try and watch TV. I'm just starting to wonder if I might be more unstable due to a massive flashback I had in my first EMDR a couple of days ago.

 

[macca]

@mytai - I hope you get some rest soon, considering what time it is there. I am starting to calm down. Thank you so much for your support.

 

[digger]

I have been trying to get him to understand that 1 session of EMDR is not going to "cure" me,

to wonder if I might be more unstable due to a massive flashback I had in my first EMDR a couple of days ago.

I haven't had any EMDR but from what I've read of people's experiences of it here, the time following sessions can be really unsettled and emotional and it seems to be a time that you really need to be taking extra care of yourself and cutting yourself some slack.
Would your husband be willing to go to a joint session with your therapist so she can explain the process more to him, or would he be prepared to read up on other people's experience of the process so he has a better idea of what you are going through and what to expect?

I try so hard, I really do. I know I have to do a better job keeping it together, and I know this is tough on him.

There are two people in your relationship.....just saying... xx