What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[ms spock]

Wistful about my life and my options. Sad about not having a family for my lifetime.

 

[safenow]

In pain, but hopeful that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[ms spock]

I am feeling a little restless and bored. I just have to be patient and rest. I am getting better.

I can eat again which is good. I am drinking lots of water. I can remember to do this now, which is great.

I have felt wistful about my life and my options this week. It is hard to be so sick on your own. I have twinges of sadness about not having a family for my lifetime. I can also see how the lack of skills that I received from my family or origin, has meant that I have stuffed up friendships a lot - from basic things like choosing inappropriate people, to rescuing and being co-dependent, to really not being able to tolerate closeness and pushing people away. I haven't realised how much I have been the biggest problem in my own life in terms of relationships and connections. I am coming to terms with this more and more. I think this is a positive thing and a good step - to come to terms this to a deeper level.

I have missed out on a lot of opportunities and that is sad. I have missed out on employment, jobs, study, research, belonging and having a life. I wish that this wasn't so but it is, and that is how it is.

Occasionally I have this little thought about what is the point for someone who has missed out on so much - how can I find my way. How can I ever get it together. What is the point of someone like me going on? But just being alive goes against the abuse of my family. I do contribute in many ways as well.

So I am not rescuing people and taking on other people's lives - and it is such a different way to be in the world. Profoundly different. So it is hard to be in this different space. I feel a little bit lost and lonely.

 

[Spiderallis]

I'm not sure why I've decided to hide. Somewhat depressed, but I'm used to that. A bit annoyed at how difficult it is to hide, it's hard to say no or to ask for what I want. I don't like having to repeat myself, and somehow the most difficult things to say need to said three to five times Every Darn Time.

 

[GreenFrog2]

to really not being able to tolerate closeness and pushing people away.

I hear you on this Ms Spock - it's all to easy to push good people away out of out fears and due to having poor skills. I too have done a lot of this!!! Regrettably!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am feeling a little better. I hope tommorow is a better day.

 

[ms spock]

I have decided to do some drawing and study. Even if it is only a little bit each. I feel better after cleaning up and realising I just have to do my life. Of course, whilst I was sick it was appropriate to take time off.

 

[zaniara]

I feel anger and sadness, and remorse, and despair and *things I can't describe* and SHAME.

Angry at ME. I'm such a f*ck up. Didn't mean to hurt somebody, but I did. With clumsy words. Wish I could take it back.. But it's too late. Said I'm sorry. But that wont help the person, since her daughter is dead and her grief will be even more heavy to bare because of my thoughtless words. *STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID ME* :cry: :notworthy:

 

[ms spock]

Angry at ME. I'm such a f*ck up.

I feel this towards myself sometimes too zaniara.

 

[who am i kim]

Very tired and need rest, looking forward to the weekend. :)

 

[winterose]

Feeling cautiously optimistic. Slept ok, no nightmares to speak even though Donald Trump was in one:yuck::wtf: I was at some benefit for kids and him and his people showed up. If this is my brain on stress and hard work maybe you all are right I SHOULD slow it down. Still a bit tired so I'll take a nap after I feed the dogs and let them out.

 

[safenow]

Feeling sick to my stomach today. Was up and down most of the night from the pain in my shoulder and knees. I'm trying to let go of that horrible fear I had last week. I'm taking the phone number of that person who calls me but doesn't talk to my therapist this week and see what he can make of it. I hope I can get to the appointment. My doctor and physical therapist don't want me to use my manual chair at all til the shoulder heals, but I must keep that appointment. It is vital for my mental health to find a way to handle my emotions right now.

Maybe, just maybe, if the snow and ice will just stay off the sidewalks, I can take my power wheelchair. But if the roadways between here and there has ice or snow on them, I can't. sigh. I have someone who is going to take me and bring me home, but I'll have to use the manual chair to do it. Catch 22

When I "stuff" things and bury them, I end up getting even more physically ill. The only way I can handle the cancer is to not stuff or bury anything. The only way I can handle the pain is take pain meds and use ice all the time. It is a cruddy feeling to have to stop every hour and keep ice on that shoulder for 20 minutes. it means I can't use that arm at all during that time, and I don't have a tv or anything to do during that time. I have tried to come here and type with one hand. LOL. Not an easy task.

I have to keep my spirit on a higher plan than fear or anger in order to heal. It's hard to do, but laughter helps a lot. I really need to get out of myself or this is going to get ugly. sigh. Yuck is how I feel today.