I feel really upset. I'm also worried about my parents. I think my father might have died and they cannot get through to me. A part of me wonders why I am even worried about it, since I'm the one who disappeared from their lives and declared him dead to me, but the reality of it possibly having happened, and that I might have missed the funeral is really awful to me. I'm feeling very emotional about this, and it is creating a lot of turmoil inside me, it has for many months now.
Why can't I just be at peace with my decision? It feels wrong even though I know it was the right thing, in my head. I feel like the worst person in the world..and I have to keep reminding myself why I chose this in the first place, and all the examples of the negative, destructive things they have done that have caused me to push them away and create healthier relationships with kinder people who are there for me.
I'm sick of this mental anguish. I felt ashamed earlier, and let myself really feel it. I feel so uncomfortable feeling shame. I feel relieved to have been able to get all this out tonight.
Why can't I just be at peace with my decision? It feels wrong even though I know it was the right thing, in my head. I feel like the worst person in the world..and I have to keep reminding myself why I chose this in the first place, and all the examples of the negative, destructive things they have done that have caused me to push them away and create healthier relationships with kinder people who are there for me.
I'm sick of this mental anguish. I felt ashamed earlier, and let myself really feel it. I feel so uncomfortable feeling shame. I feel relieved to have been able to get all this out tonight.