I am not sure I can successfully articulate what I am feeling today. I feel a sense of relief and happiness as I am coming to view death as a comforting release from earthly cares and burdens rather than something to fear. I see it as going back to where I am from.
I also feel a tremendous loss and loads of grief, but also the strong spiritual bonds of unconditional love that I feel for my family. So, happiness is mixed with sorrow, I suppose.
I feel deep regret over the things that I did to hurt and punish myself for situations and actions that were never my fault. But I also feel self-forgiving because, for the longest time, abuse was just about all I knew. I did not know better.
and I feel a lot of love in my heart for my family and friends!!!
Except for @Lumos ' very sad news, I feel deeply grateful, joyful, amazed and light. Even though I am exhausted. I have been trying to solve the problem of 'me' all the while never realizing I'm not the Dr. Very grateful for what and who is. And 2nd 3rd 4th.. chances. Today I feel hope and peace and amazement and gratitude.
TodayI feel like there is a reason I exist, not so much what I ever do but more how I do it, my heart (everyone is unique) and my presence is needed, as is other's. I could have more easily eaten a whale than thought I could ever say that! Thankful for others too and being cared for and not given up on.
Exhausted and a little empty but maybe that’s because I grew a bit yesterday so there’s more empty space inside me. My eyes feel kind of hot and my brain feels a little slow. Kind of sad. I am recovering my self.
AKA I would be over the moon, if what happened wasn’t EXACTLY like I knew it would happen.
Which means I’ve crossed from thrilled? Into smug.
I would like to go back to thrilled, please! Or, “this is just normal”. Both of which have a waaaaaaaaaaaaay longer shelf life than Moustache Twirling Villain At The Railroad.
# Friday has gone back to grocery shopping at restaurant suppliers… which is waaaaaay better food, and a fraction of the cost, of retail. That was my “normal” for decades, but first Covid for 2 years meant I had no food money, and then I couldn’t drive for a year and a half because of my back, & couldn’t convince the people who drive to “waste” time/money schlepping out there. It’s noooooooot a waste!!! It’s the opposite!!! It’s thousands and thousands of dollars saved!!! Aaaaargh. Help me help you. Brick wall bang head.