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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

It occurred to me today out of the blue, I was told I would be kept in the loop, also helps me versus the unknown but that's beside the point, but I never was- it occurred to me it's been over 1/2 a year. I guess that's when it's not a question of patience or understanding. Makes me feel sad. I question whether I trusted in vain. I thought they were sincere words. I mean I don't expect being told to be a priority for them, but half a year left worrying or in uncertainty is, well, it is what it is. Makes me question everything I thought I knew, including that they knew me, my character. I guess it's just not important to them, which is fine. Silly of me to even think of it I guess. They said they were family.

Mind you, I guess I also feel ambivalent about a lot of things now. So many words don't match actions in so many places and so many ways. I am tired. I feel adrift and exhausted at this moment. I feel like numbing out.

Bumped into an old friend after years, or she into me as I might have avoided her if she hadn't initiated it. Was happy to see her.

Resigned. Present in body but not in spirit. One Big Mask.
I feel like crap. There is constant tension between me & my wife. She gets angry all the time. I get to suck it up. My mood isn't helping. My ability and energy to pretend to be in better shape is down.