It occurred to me today out of the blue, I was told I would be kept in the loop, also helps me versus the unknown but that's beside the point, but I never was- it occurred to me it's been over 1/2 a year. I guess that's when it's not a question of patience or understanding. Makes me feel sad. I question whether I trusted in vain. I thought they were sincere words. I mean I don't expect being told to be a priority for them, but half a year left worrying or in uncertainty is, well, it is what it is. Makes me question everything I thought I knew, including that they knew me, my character. I guess it's just not important to them, which is fine. Silly of me to even think of it I guess. They said they were family.
Mind you, I guess I also feel ambivalent about a lot of things now. So many words don't match actions in so many places and so many ways. I am tired. I feel adrift and exhausted at this moment. I feel like numbing out.
Bumped into an old friend after years, or she into me as I might have avoided her if she hadn't initiated it. Was happy to see her.
Resigned. Present in body but not in spirit. One Big Mask.
Mind you, I guess I also feel ambivalent about a lot of things now. So many words don't match actions in so many places and so many ways. I am tired. I feel adrift and exhausted at this moment. I feel like numbing out.
Bumped into an old friend after years, or she into me as I might have avoided her if she hadn't initiated it. Was happy to see her.
Resigned. Present in body but not in spirit. One Big Mask.
