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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Deoressed. I went to a social irl group fir mentally ill people but knew it would be too much to dance like the others. Now I'm very depressed I couldn't dance but I have to set limits to myself if I want to able to function more than 3 hours a day someday
 
Depressed ashamed and afraid. I didn't sleep enough. Went watching netfilx in a outfit I persuade myself my cousin found terrible. I fell to the ground and bruised my knee and couldn't belived she's not ashamed to have showed in public with me because my outfit. I'm now sleep deprived, exhausted, very insecure about me, convinced I can't trust my cousin to tell me the thruth about what she thinks of me, regretting to not just cancelled today with her and hurting. Definitiely not a good day. Also I hate myself and have more troubles than usual to understand why I have friends or family that actually enjoys my compagny
 
@Givrali I'm sorry to hear, your internal critic is giving you hard time. We've all been there and it can get ugly. I hope it will give you some breath soon. Good that you have people around to meet with. I think, maybe try thinking less on reasons people like you and just take it as observation. In my opinion, and it may sound unreasonable for you, it's just they see that you are a good, kind person, and they just ... like you and don't put much weight to imperfections.
Yes, yes, i know it's easy to smash keyboard with good advice. I wish you the best and send some 🫂 + support beaver 🦫 to bite ankles of any internal demons. Take care!
 
@Givrali I'm sorry to hear, your internal critic is giving you hard time. We've all been there and it can get ugly. I hope it will give you some breath soon. Good that you have people around to meet with. I think, maybe try thinking less on reasons people like you and just take it as observation. In my opinion, and it may sound unreasonable for you, it's just they see that you are a good, kind person, and they just ... like you and don't put much weight to imperfections.
Yes, yes, i know it's easy to smash keyboard with good advice. I wish you the best and send some 🫂 + support beaver 🦫 to bite ankles of any internal demons. Take care!
I showed the outfit to my best friend, apparently I wasn't looking bad, if you don't really pay attention it's even a completly normal outfit. I guess stress exhaustation and the bad night really distorded my perception in dramatic proprtion. It already hapened in the past.
I'm afraid that I would be unable to survive without external help because how bad is my mental health. It's so scarring. Also I so much feel like I don't deserved help because traumas...
I'm working on accepting it wasn't my fault what happened. My therapist keeps pointing it again and again. But just bad luck is so hard to process to me. I can see the good in the people who wronged me and accepting things can get so bad just because bad luck is terrifing.
I escaped so far in my mind and fiction it now feels more real than my life. I still know the difference but regret I can't rewrite my life to make it looks cool and sunny.
It feels so easier to escape in fiction rather than facing the thruth.
For me, friends and my medical supervisation act like a reality check about what actually happened, how things actually are. Since I regulary escape reality and got very distorded perception it can feels like they're the ones being wrong. But I trust my best friend and my therapist to be brutally honest to me and put me back in reality when dissociation and stress get too bad.

I'm completly out of the subjets of your comment. That happens very often too. I got lost in my thoughts and basically talk to myself.

So. I blame myself because I can't see so much dark in the people who made my life harder. Also accepting it's just some random bad luck that stroke me is too hard to accept. I usually don't think my friends see me like a burden. It's depression that tells me that. Once I said that I deserved to have all this things I should have by human rights.
There weren't denied because people being bad but doctors not having the knowledge to know I needed them. Everyone did their best and the result is that it's been 10 years I can't do a thing because of all the things I was lacking. And it was just by stupid bad luck. I'm angry my life was destroyed by pure bad luck. So blaming myself is in fact a way to breath without the difficult thruth I'm having a hard time accepting. I don't actually think I'm not a good friend or that I don't deserve help.

Long talk because I only know what I'm thinking once I wrote them. Rereading it took me like forever. Please ask if some important things aren't clear, I'm autistic AND not having english as first langage.
 
I'll start. ................

I feel a greatly alarmed.
I feel very angry.
I feel cautious.
I feel confused.
I feel depressed.

I feel disgusted with the influences of the world. Specifically tv and its content, as well as, gen. socially acceptable, societal hidden teachings.

I feel distanced from contact and/or intimacy with family, friends, people in general (all of humanity). Intimacy to me does not mean sex.

I feel embarrassment, for having been so vulnerable in my past and for so long, and for now feeling so wounded and confused. I feel humiliated.

I feel horrifed as I continue to be honest with myself about my trauma(s).

I guess I identified some of my feeling tonight, well at least at a glance and as far down as the H's on this list:

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread700.html[/DLMURL]
i feel ok, i don't really feel anything right now.. maybe im kind of tired cause its 1:09 am in the morning. yet, its fine.. kind of excited to go outside tomorrow, i don't really want to sleep.
 
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