What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[amy]

Lost and so very tired from having to pretend I am fine for everyone elses sake. Disgusted at the memories inside my head, self loathing at myself, angry at the health system who simply tell me I am not crazy but simply lack concentration when I tell them I lose time, and can not recall things, only 1 person listens, my therapist, he understands dissociation, makes sense out of the unimaginable mess of my head, yet everyone else tells me im fine, sad that I only have 1 more session with my therapist then I am alone with myself. I'm confused. Who am I? I hate what is inside of me.

 

[KP the nut]

sad that I only have 1 more session with my therapist then I am alone with myself .

Has your T given you any techniques to help manage symptoms? There is a great thread here and lots of people willing to share. It is hard on your own without a T but it is not impossible.

Also remember, you may be on your own, but with the forum here you are not alone.

Linking arms
KP

 

[amy]

techniques? ..... yes, to find a happy memory, place that is safe, and to be kind to myself. All easier to say than to do. He is the only person who knows about my childhood, who knows that things are not ok, now he has helped me to recover many memories, he is leaving me to cope alone. he has no choice, NHS. I understand his situation, but I am so tired ..... how do I re-forget the memories he has helped me to recover? its strange that I am so forgetful every day, yet can no longer forget things from 30 years ago! The mind is a complex thing. It makes me sad to think other people struggle in this way too ....... I wish it were just me, I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

 

[danc21]

I have been feeling very anxious for the past week or two. I have been feeling good recently and thought everything was looking up, but recently i have been feeling so low, tired, angry, emotional and a lack in motivation. I don't feel happy in my job, even though it is the best job i've had and you need to be very upbeat for it. I feel confused, just so many things going through my head and feel there is no one to talk to about it, i know i can go to a shrink but i want someone close.

The thing is if you want to change your life you have to take the first step.

 

[KP the nut]

techniques? ..... yes, to find a happy memory, place that is safe.

Amy, please check out the thread 'Grounding 101' it is in Flashback and Disaccociation. There is so much good advice there with what works for different members.

My T is also NHS, we do EMDR. Luckily he was able to increase my allowed sessions from 20, to 25 and now to 30, after that I can be rereferred for CBT.

 

[amy]

my T was declined when he requested extended therapy sessions for me. He said I can wait 6 months, then ask to be re-reffered to his W/L which has another 6 month on top of that for an initial appt. so I could go back in 1 year time. I have tried CBT, it did not help. I tried DBT and quit half way through. I could not tell the people who ran the sessions about my childhood, or dissociation ... so it was all a pretence from me. Not even my GP is aware, i was diagnozed PTSD following a rape in 1998, but I have always shown the symptoms from early childhood, I just never spoke about them ..... until recently when I told this therapist. I will look at the above thread you mention ..... thankyou for the advice. I wish you well x

 

[Kb3]

Disbelieved. I think that I'm going to take my T's advice and just drift slowly away from the psychiatric community. They can't misdiagnosed me if I don't use them anymore!

 

[Froggie]

Just got back from my doctor's appointment. Got the results of the biopsy : stage 3 maybe 4 with some metastases on the peritoneum (stomach wall) and not on the liver (thank god). Will be having chemo only. How do I feel, like I'm in another dimension... glad that I finally know ... dread to have to announce this to my children ... scared about chemo ... part of me was panicked as I just hope that I live long enough to see my 2 youngest son's children ... Yeah I know ... giving myself the willies ... then realizing that some people do survive ... so I'im in some sort of emotional mixed up stew

 

[LawPhotos]

Frustrated, very frustrated. It just seems that sometimes nothing will go right no matter how much we try. The home care nurses that my son has right now are the worse lot ever! Besides being unqualified and simply horrible at their job, they are just plain obnoxious and irritating. I have switched/replaced nurses and nursing agencies so many times over the past few years that I can't even count them. I don't have time for another full upheaval and training a whole new group. I can't get my work done as it is.

Their newest nurse is a male and he triggers me about 5 times a shift. He has a loud sharp voice and he'll suddenly call my name and I just about lose it. A little while ago he did it so badly--he came from a direction that I couldn't see him approaching and called my name so loud and sharp just a few feet away. I was standing over my desk signing some papers and he startled me so badly that my knees buckled and slammed in the desk. The adrenaline rush was so bad (plus the pain in my knees) that I just slumped over and put my head on the desk and tried to maintain bladder control---so what does he do? Calls my name like that again!!! an inch from my head! Did he freakin' think I was sleeping!??! I know that I he doesn't know my situation but any moron would just realize that he startled the poop out of me, rather than do it again!! One of these days I'm gonna go all out flashback on him!

The same guy has a habit of standing behind me which doesn't usually bother me but does with him.-- I have asked him not to close the door to my son's room when I am in there regardless of who else is in there too--told him it made the room hot. He does it anyway.:mad:

I have been battling my newly ex-H (through my lawyer only--my T and I decided "radio silence" is my best approach) intensely all week and my stress is way too high.

I am triggered by everything and surprised at my own mini explosions lately.

I slept slightly more this week and had at least double the nightmares:(

<Edited by Amethist. Please insert full line spaces between paragraphs, as per forum rules>

 

[nie]

Tired but not wanting to sleep.

 

[LawPhotos]

Just got back from my doctor's appointment. Got the results of the biopsy

Froggie--I am so very, very sorry that you having to go through this--no one should ever have to. I cannot imagine the rollercoaster you are on emotionally or physically.

My adolescent son has been seriously ill since birth (3 stomas at present!) and when he was born, diagnosed or during any major setback, illness etc I always felt that it was awful and inexcusable when people didn't say anything. They always say, "well, I was going to call BUT......I was going to come by BUT......I meant to email you BUT......" and the rest of the sentence is always the same...."I didn't know what to say". I am so sick of that. There is nothing worse than silence. Silence screams "no one cares." I want to yell, say SOMETHING< ANYTHING even if it is stupid, offensive etc....at least I know you are aware and interested. Silence means I am alone in this--it says you can't be bothered. The only time you are excused from silence is if you are physically there and are providing a silent presence.

So, Froggie, I CARE:inlove:, I'm sad, I'm worried. I realize that you could be numb, stunned, terrified, accepting, worried, sad, lonely etc. I am thinking of you and your situation and I will pray for you and your doctors. Most of all I have hope for you,, mega tons of HOPE and POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!

 

[Froggie]

mega tons of HOPE and POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!

LP, thank you for your post, really helps and yes, some people are more stunned with the news than others and they just avoid because they just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to hear about your son, he must have a humungus amount of courage ... 3 stomas ! I know all this is related to what caused my PTSD, even the dates concord ... now how's that for spooky. My tumor is estimated to be 2 years old ... right pile smack at the date time line when I found out the policeman had been lying to me all along. Oufff, going to quit now, as this should be going into my trauma diary. Thanks again ((((LP))))