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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

On the outside I am happy, getting on with life. Everything is just fantastic. Thats what the world has to see... life has to go on. Right.

Here amongst my friends I can be honest, I can be myself. Thank you.

I am falling apart. I am missing her so very badly. She is hurting so terribly right now, and I can't help her, I can't call her, I can't hug her, I can't see her. I can't tell her it'll all be ok. I can't let her know that I am here for her. I can't be there for her. And THAT is breaking me, its quite literally killing me. I honestly don't know how long I can do this for. Separation is an evil bitch. Distance is a horrible cow. Time is a slow killer. Being apart like this sucks.... I wish I could stop the tears just for a little while.

ok, i've had my pity party for the day now. Time to put the happy mask on again.
 
Yesterday, during my medical control for my cancer I had one bad tachycardia attack. It took time to subside. Another thing my daughter has to assume. She says it's ok, but I feel like I'm starting to be some sort of burden.

(((((Froggie)))))

That must have been frightening for you. Could have been brought on by stress. You deserve all the help you can get, and I'm sure your daughter won't mind. Do sort of understand how you feel about being a burden, though a lot of the time we have no choice other than to ask for help.

I am so crazy that I left the country because I didn't want to burden my children with my physical and emotional problems. Now I worry about what will happen to me if something really goes wrong. I am learning that it is better to ask for help when you need it. ;)
 
((((((((((Sammy))))))))))((((((((Loloma))))))))))))(((((((((everyone else who needs hugs)))))))))))

I worry about those I care for here and my thoughts are consumed with things I don't want to deal with but the pain is unbearable and keeping me up. I have forced myself out for walks, limping around with the splint and walking boot because I just can't stand it anymore! The Girls are so happy to be out again and I feel like I can breathe a little but still the raw pain in my body won't let go of it's hold.

Good thing, having been in touch with my older brother, he is finally getting help with the VA. This means a lot to me. Today I hope to chat it up with my oldest GrandBoy, 13yrs old and teetering into those reckless years...they are so difficult, it's always good to know that there are people in your corner who love you. I will never forget my Grandfather, the only man in my younger life I ever trusted not to hurt me in any way.
 

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