What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Deleted member 12723]

Congratulations (((KP))) you did it. WTG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool:

 

[Bubba]

Pretty much freaking out right now. Can't breathe, shaking, crying uncontrollably. Just got a 12 page letter from my husband. I wish he would get what I'm going thru - he doesn't.

He said "I discussed PTSD with both of my doctors and they both said PTSD, especially in our situation does not cause or call for a spouse to leave, separate and especially move out and abandon your spouse". One of those doctors is a psychiatrist. Just to update those that don't know - when my husband became ill, I started being triggered and then his mother attached me physically and verbally and re-traumatized me while my husband stood there and watched. It was after the attack that I left - I couldn't handle him not working and I had to take care of my daughter (not his daughter).

I wish he could see this forum and hear from other people who care for sufferers. What doesn't he get about the "stress" in PTSD? And that we can only handle so much stress? I don't understand. I feel completely abandoned from him now. I understand it's hard for him - but I just want to get EMDR and get better. Now I can't, because he is keeping my portion of our tax refund.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Bubba, I'm so sorry he is being such a jerk.

 

[heather q]

Pretty much freaking out right now. Can't breathe, shaking, crying uncontrollably... I wish he would get what I'm going through-----his mother attached me physically and verbally and re-traumatized me while my husband stood there and watched.

What a jerk, he sounds very familiar, I hit the like button, but I don't really mean I like what you wrote, I just mean your experiences sound similar to some of mine, he doesn't get it and I doubt that he ever will.

I couldn't understand why my husband didn't support me, his father attempted to attack me and my husband supported his father, that's what is familiar, it sucks, I'm still quietly raging in disbelief that the man I married would desert me, he kicked me out of the house and then I started miscarrying, I found I didn't have andy friends either.

I support you, and understand to a little extent some of what you are dealing with, I caution you about EMDR, look into it thoroughly before you try it, it's not for everyone.

I am having a hard time thinking because these memories are still so raw, but it was a long time ago.

 

[Bubba]

Thank you Heather & Gizmo! I just got off the phone with my sister. She has actually talked with him periodically and tried to calm him down about me getting my own apartment and has tried to explain to him what I am going thru. She told me to forget about him - just focus on myself. She said he is trying to control the situation and me by trying to make me feel bad for him. She said I need to do what is right for my own mental health. That I didn't abandon him if I have a mental health issue right now. He should understand that and be there for him - instead he is trying to make me feel guilty and thus making my "stress cup" overflow.

The sucky thing is I actually slept decent the last two nights and had some moments of calm the last couple of days. But now I'm a mess again and will likely need to take some meds tonight. I'm sure it will take me several days to bring the anxiety down again.

I just can't believe a doctor would tell him that people with PTSD don't push people away or shut them out when in PTSD overload - where in the world did he go to school? Probably what really happened was my husband didn't really listen to what the doctor was saying or else he gave him a completely different story.

The funny thing is today my husband texted me and asked me what day and year we got married. He said he needed it for something. Hmmmm....the only thing I can think of why he would need that is he is filing for divorce. It's been maybe 5 weeks since his mom attacked me and he's already done with me. He's not even giving me a chance to try to get better. So who's abandoning who? All I asked for was time. All I asked for some space to try to heal. I told him I did NOT want a divorce and that I wanted us to work on our marriage once I was able to get stabilized and get some treatment. I guess I was only worth 5 weeks of waiting...so much for love.

Heather - I'd like to hear more about what you have to say about EMDR - please PM me...

 

[heather q]

It sounds like your sister has got it together, keep track of what she says, she makes sense. To start with I think you're dealing with a lost cause and it might be to your benefit to concentrate on your self, the time he gave you tells me that he's not worth the effort, I always need more time to think than anyone gives me, they give up because I take too long, I can only do what I can do, I don't need someone, or anyone who is impatient with me because that alone is more than I can handle.

The EMDR issue, story in a nutshell has it that if you have multiple stresses, or traumas, EMDR makes it worse, there are a couple of places here that I've told my story, in my diary and the against EMDR section.

There are two EMDR sections, one is for EMDR and one is against EMDR, I thought it was going to work, but I got seriously worse and the 'tech' I hate to call him a therapist because he just used it as a shortcut, fill in the blanks, zap... he was obviously not qualified, though his office was qualified, it was in the 'right' part of town.

I don't remember right now what it was all about except that I started having very scary flashbacks of drowning, and then when I went into therapy with this other T at another stage I started those same flashbacks. There were also issues not related to EMDR itself, those situations and lack of respect made it worse. I'm basically new on here again, joined a while back and then started therapy that seemed to conflict with writing here, recovery from EMDR was a big issue for me.

I started reading my old stuff and found it too difficult and I don't think I can talk about what happened because I'm a 'bit off' right now and I don't think I can handle it, but if you can, search for EMDR and see what you come up with it would be a good idea.

I find it shocking and a total let down, that some husbands standby and allow their own parents to cause damage to the wives, apparently it is fairly common, If I'd known I wouldn't have married R because of it, they are not going to support, no matter what, they're not wired that way.

I'm aware that this is difficult to read, it's been a difficult day and I'm out of energy and can't think straight, I hope you do ok, stand up for yourself, trust your gut and remember that you have to come first, no matter what.
I'll be thinking of you,
Heather

 

[KP the nut]

I'm feeling calm and content. I've taken today as holiday from work. The weather is warmer, H and I are going to buy flowering plants and then spend the afternoon planting patio pots.

I feel loved.

(((HUGS)))

 

[Ice_Fire]

Getting really nervous over the exam this afternoon. But for now at least it's just 'normal' exam nerves, not the over riding panic that stops me breathing or moving or anything. I'm hopeful that I'll get through it okay.

 

[KP the nut]

Getting really nervous over the exam this afternoon.

 

[Philippa]

I feel crampy and PMSy, weary and scared...just want to hibernate and keep warm. Need comfort.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Exhausted. The medication has me so tired I don't want to move. It's only for a while. At least today I am not irritable or feel depressed. I am thinking of you all even though I don't have the energy to post much today.

Hugs to you all.

 

[Tinyflame]

Good luck Ice_Fire, ((((Hugs to you, AM, PHilippa, KP, All)))