What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[FMCA]

Devastated after turning nasty on a friend who had clearly chosen not to accept my apology. I hadn’t been nasty to anyone in 4 months. Suppose feeling worthless is more how I feel if. Worthless

She ignored my messages and I accused her of being like me which isn’t true. It’s like I get slimy and nasty. It’s like I turned into something I don’t recognise

Probably because the horror of the guilt and shame I have hit home Monday morning.

 

[ms spock]

Sad, and sobbish

 

[1nkblott]

Bizarre. No anger. No sadness. Nothing. Just a blank, straightforward, empty feeling.

 

[FMCA]

I think I am sad and guilty and full of shame because of how I felt about being nasty to people myself in the past and I’d had horrible feelings about how other people must feel. I rang the crisis line who said I was trying to pass on the pain because I don’t know what to do with emotions. . I just can’t believe how horrible I’ve been.

It seemed perfectly reasonable at the time which is what really scares me. It was like I was a different person and then the reality hit of what I’d done. Couldn’t stop crying. It felt like I was detached from reality.

I accused her of being worse than I was by saying the things she had done and everyone else is a c*nt so why shouldn’t I be. I basically said she had helped a drug dealer so her and him and the person who hurt me were all as bad as each other. I said did it not make her feel uncomfortable lying to me about money in the past.that she was greedy and inadequate and shameful.

I asked her why she helped her friend and did she feel dirty.

It was more like f*ck you. I’m not greedy but I am inadequate and shameful and guilty.

I don’t know if I was angry because when I’ve felt angry in the past I’ve done it. I was like taunting her asking if she felt dirty and did her friend. It looked like she read the messages over the course of a couple of days but ignored them until I got to the point I said she had read all my information despite the fact she didn’t want to be my friend and that it did not make sense.

Got to go back to the doctors today. Hopefully they will be able to give me more medication or change something . Last night I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.

Thankyou for responding, it means a lot. I felt so alone last night.

 

[FMCA]

I think because I’m starting to feel things, I’m feeling the guilt and shame by feeling what other people must feel like. Horrible and destructive behavior.

Trying to hurt other people to make myself feel better. Pathetic

I was thinking about the things I was saying, it wasn’t like an angry outburst. Think more frustration

Luckily she’s got strong boundaries or it would have rewarded bad behavior

 

[ms spock]

scared

 

[ms spock]

Emotional

 

[FMCA]

not in survival mode. Pleased I understand why I can’t function today

 

[ms spock]

I am so sad. I am weeping. I am so sorry that I wasn't connected to my self. There's a tiny connection there.

I feel so lonely and isolated. I feel so embarrassed. I am so sad.

 

[Rose White]

Lost, angry, numb

 

[ms spock]

Relief. All my crying, weeping and sobbing had relieved a huge pressure build up in me.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I’ tired but not as tired as yesterday. I just finished 2 days of psychological testing. Specifically they were looking for PTSD, CPTSD, covert narcissistic abuse and autism. I t feels like all were confirmed by the questions I was asked and my answers. I have to wait several weeks for the official results. It took a lot of work just to get the appointment and I had a six month wait. I’m looking forward to the results. This is a big deal to me.