What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[franciemarnie]

@macca - Do you know the street address of the house you lived in when you were little? If you put it in Google, you might pull up a realty that is selling it or sold it and they often put the floor plan in. I worked in a real estate office once and looked up the floor plan of the house I grew up in. What courage to ask your mom. I would have been shaking.

@DMerish - That was the cutest funny story about when you were little!

I am feeling tired having just woke up. Five solid though. Hungry.

 

[DMerish]

Thank you everyone for the support. :hug: Some of you are going through much more trying times than I am. Hugs to all who need and want them :hug:

I'm better today - I processed the sadness and cried a little yesterday over the guy not liking me as much as I liked him and the "I'm not dating material" is beginning to lift. He was kind, thoughtful, understanding about my crazy/busy work schedule (he did the same work for twenty years that I do now, and got me thru a very tough patch). He was generous - went out of his way so we could to get together and we had fun. When I think of these things, there's no way I can be angry or bitter nor any reason for beating myself up. My self-esteem is moving is moving upwards.

Today, the ol' procrastinative feeling is back. When I need to do the crazy/busy work dance my home and personal life goes to :poop: I was intent on trying to be open about the possibility of a relationship with that guy, and my home is worse than it was a few weeks ago. :rolleyes: I need routine and stability in my life. I'll work to regain that over the next week, then opening myself up again.

Dating can be disappointing and tiring and can feel demoralizing because it's full of being judged.

You're right, Franciemarnie - it can be disappointing. And feeling/worrying about other people judging one (or doing/saying mean/hurtful things, as ex#2 did) can be demoralizing. All the men in my life except for ex#2 have been "good men" I know in my core that I'm a decent person, one that can give and receive love, and that I deserve the best: not some scum. I also know my next step in healing my trauma is to develop a thicker skin, get over my fear of being judged/mistreated, allow myself to be open to the good men out there and let them appreciate me - kind of like exposing a wound to clean fresh air so it will heal well. :tup:

BTW - Instead of wearing that old lady clown suit when I was little, that happened just a few years ago. Even funnier now, eh?:p

 

[franciemarnie]

@DMerish - That's too funny. You did that a few years ago. How fun it would be to hang out with you - whether a guy or girl.

I feel in good spirits though I have had a crick in my side that makes it hard to breathe since I woke. It just feels like physical tension, like I was in a crouched position all night. Probably dream related too. Will do pranic breathing.

 

[macca]

@franciemarnie That was such a great suggestion, I appreciate it very, very much! It did come up, and there was a photo of the front of the house, which was highly helpful. No floor plan unfortunately, but the main thing I had wanted to check my memory on was whether I was correct in thinking that there was a verandah in front of the two front bedrooms, as it was a highset house (one bedroom was mine). There was. This actually confirms my memory. Which is scary. But needed. I didn't come close to thinking of this myself, so again, I'm very grateful!

 

[ms spock]

Feeling so anxious, feeling okay, feeling confused, feeling scared.

 

[ms spock]

@macca You asked a bit. Let us focus on that success of the fact you identified information that you needed, you thought about how to manage your mother and what would be the best approach in a difficult situation. Despite the fact your father was back in hospital from an aggressive cancer and pretty depressed. You still got around to asking the question and beginning to unravel what you need to know. This is something to proud of and to cherish and to give yourself positive feedback about.

So rather than going I didn't end up asking much after all you could focus on the above. You did it! Good for you! Good on you! Or as a friend of my says "Good Show!"

I know I do it. But why are people with PTSD, when they do a solid and incremental step forward always dismissing it with something like "I didn't end up asking much after all." It is rather silly of us all I think. It is also not being honest about our successes and thus we hold ourselves back. Any thoughts people?

 

[ms spock]

Feeling like I need to get a move on.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am feeling huge relief today. My daughters abusing boyfriend came over with his stepdad and his uncle and got all of his stuff out of here. We are celebrating the huge relief. Also huge relief that my gardeners came over to my mobile home and cleaned up the great mess my yard was in. Today is a really great day for me and for my family. I hope it only gets better from here on out.

 

[macca]

@Ms Spock That was great feedback - I hadn't even noticed that I'd done it. I guess I can glean from her initial response that the city we lived in (which was a decade later than the time I was interested in) was possibly the only place she ever had to lock the doors. I also wonder if she suspected something after all, as she usually only avoids meaningful things, so wouldn't have studiously avoided my question unless it meant something to her. All info regarding this is useful as I try to piece things together.

 

[ninja]

I have been "off" lately. Started a second course of antibiotics for a stubborn infection and hoping this does the trick. Thinking and dreaming about finding a massage therapist. :)

 

[ms spock]

That was great feedback - I hadn't even noticed that I'd done it.

It is a way of disappearing ourselves. It is also not being honest about our successes like we are allergic to them or something - and it is not just you - it is me too I do it a lot.

I see people here do it all the time. They work really hard on doing something and then once they get there. They go "Okay I did that today, now what is next..."

Of course we have to keep moving onwards but building up a knowledge of our own resilience and modest successes is important as well.

I guess I can glean from her initial response that the city we lived in (which was a decade later than the time I was interested in) was possibly the only place she ever had to lock the doors. I also wonder if she suspected something after all, as she usually only avoids meaningful things, so wouldn't have studiously avoided my question unless it meant something to her. All info regarding this is useful as I try to piece things together.

I am so glad you got something useful out of that, but even if you hadn't you would have have the success of all those other steps.

 

[ms spock]

Feeling very upset and anxious.