What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[EverOnly358]

Fretting the idea of spring. Don't get me wrong, I do not like the cold. However, the days would be longer and the clothes less. I feel guilty about going to sleep as early as I do when it is light out and I haven't lost the weight I was hoping to. I know, get to it. Maybe then I wouldn't go to bed so early. Who knows.

I'm fretting about spring and summer, too. I'm allergic to the sun... I get migraines and I sunburn so easily... I use SPF 80, but then if I leave it on my skin for too long, I get a rash, plus I get heat stroke and heat rash way too easily... I am not well adapted for sunny climes! :alien: So I tend to love the fall and winter. Rainy or snowy days are my favorite.

You hang in there, @Britt.f7! You've been going through a lot and still you've been trying to fit in exercise and stuff, too. You're doing better than you think. Keep going, a little at a time, I know you'll get there.

Lots of hugs :hug: to anyone who would like them. Y'know, the fact that I have cPTSD and I'm bipolar sucks, especially since I cycle so quickly (about 2 weeks manic, 2 weeks depressed, rinse and repeat)... but the one thing it has drilled into my head is this... everything changes. The bad times will pass, so just try to ride them out. The good times will pass, so just try to enjoy them while they're there. But always, always... everything changes. So just hang in, because this too shall pass.

What am I feeling? :cautious:

Good. Happy. Calm. Content. :joyful:

Proud of myself for not being so much manic as just kinda a happy, energetic normal. It's been 10 days in a row! I mean, it hasn't been perfect... I've been really chatty and also typing posts that are much too long, but y'know... I'm getting better at controlling the manic stuff, which makes me feel proud and happy. I didn't think I was going to be able to do it. :D

Nervous that these good, almost normal days are going to end any day now, and I'll look back and see that I was way more manic than I thought... and then I'll be back to the drawing board again. Also, I'm just going to miss the good days. I've really been enjoying myself. :confused:

Kinda physically tired... I've been trying to make exercise a big priority to help me deal with the manic stuff and just to stay balanced and work on my moods and my PTSD thinking. It's been good. But I got a little too tired this evening and started to meltdown... all my triggers came on full force and I got pouty and cranky and stuff... but I just reminded myself this was PTSD (etc.) and that I didn't have to react even though I felt out of sorts, and I ended up laying down and taking a 3 hour nap (if you can call sleeping from 9:30pm to 12:30am a nap :O_o:), and I felt a lot better. :smug: I'll be going back to sleep shortly.

 

[Miss_Understood]

I feel like everything I've ever known is wrong, I feel completely lost more so than I have before, I feel misunderstood, I feel hopeless, I feel like no matter what I try I always fail in the end and I feel that nobody especially my wife notices how close I truly am to just giving up completely.

I feel like it's too late for therapy, I feel like I sold my soul and that I'm lost in a land of smoke and mirrors with no way out.

 

[Britt.f7]

@Miss_Understood it is never too late for therapy. It just might take a jump start approach. It is important to reach out. I'm horrible about reaching out when I am in my depths of depression and suicidal, but, when I make it through that despair(and I must, I'm here), I do open up to others. I'm starting to at least. It hasn't been easy. I do it quite tentatively. Please know that there is help and we are here for you.

 

[Hope4Now]

Dark dark day. Painful walking worse than usual, had to crawl upstairs with my coffee. Weird sensations in arms. Now my right hand is itching like crazy (this is the newest development in the series of physical weirdnesses going on with me). Feel like I'm behind a curtain to the world...blurry...I think I'm stuck in some low-level flashback that I awakened into this morning. Lots of fragmented images floating in my brain. Continual flashing back to a terrifying vision I had a couple of months ago while meditating. Ugh.

 

[franciemarnie]

Sad.

 

[ninja]

I am listening to an odd, but very good book. The images and ideas have been infiltrating my dreams, leaving me with such warm feelings when I wake up. The scenery is mesmerizing... :)

 

[Spiderallis]

Fighting off anxiety, brought on by some shame and embarrassment about getting spacey and weird last night. Amazed that I can identify that much of what is going on, but still disappointed that I don't know more. I'm baffled by the last few days/weeks and scared that it'll keep going until I know what started this and why. Less than 48 hours until my 'T-time', I can hold on until then.

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm starting to feel hope. This is a good thing. I still wanted to lay down, but I fought it. At least the part where I take drugs to make me sleep and then do so. This is a step in the right direction.

 

[Miss_Understood]

Overwhelmed.

 

[franciemarnie]

Felt the sadness. Talked out what was bothering me. Better. Still a little sad, and as almost always, tired.

 

[EverOnly358]

Content. :joyful:

Worried that these good days are about to end, and I'm gonna head down towards the pit of despair again. I mean, that's how it always goes. I desperately want to break the cycle, or at least try to make it less severe, and I'm doing everything I can. But I hate the inevitability of it all. :confused:

I'm somewhat hopeful, though. I have to work at it, but I am trying to be hopeful that things are getting better and better, and maybe I won't keep following the same old patterns so much anymore. :x3:

Proud of myself for identifying PTSD symptoms and emotions as just that... passing things. :happy: I don't have to beat myself up for having feelings and I don't have to dwell on being less than perfect for days and days. I can just be a little out of sorts and a little disappointed in myself for being out of sorts, and then move on. It's okay. It's normal.

Just a little tired and cranky due to PMS. :sour: PMS is never fun.

 

[LittleL]

I'm feeling overwhelmed. Feeling several strong emotions at once.

I'm angry at myself for being so weak -- I feel like having PTSD makes me weak and pathetic even though it's not my fault, and I've probably done pretty well for myself when taking everything into consideration.

I feel guilty for abandoning my siblings... I recently cut another one out of my life because the relationship was really just hurting me. I was relieved when I finally did it, but now I'm just beating myself up for not being able to make everything perfect for them.

I feel worthless because I don't think I deserve the healthy and positive relationships in my life. I don't think I deserve to be cared for.

I feel like I'm going to fall apart soon... :(