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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Post starter goingonhope
- Start date
Right on a3a2, I'm happy to hear you had a good day. It's funny how rapidly things can change sometimes. For me it's as simple as deciding to drop out and play some cards, sometimes a T appointment. I'm hoping for a good one myself.
Siraz, I can so relate. I find I can drift in that state for a while, but it slips downward for me. It's so important for me to stick to doing things that, even though they don't offer a cure all, they keep me above the low water line. I hope you're doing your best to do so as well. We gotta keep each other trying.
And Amethist, yes, man have I suffered from that guilt, some shame with myself as well. We can't take it back, we can only work from here. I am so prone to getting into a guilt cycle, I don't want to see that happen to you.
I've come down since yesterday, had a boost meeting Bev at the printers, really nice lady. Couldn't get to sleep though, a good day does that to me sometimes because I cling to it, don't want it to end. So I slept in quite late, my sleep schedule is getting so buggered up lately. I don't know if I have the strength in me to do what is required to reign it in. Guess I'll have to live with a few shitty days in order to readjust before this gets any further out of hand. Battling off the depressing thoughts and trying not to mull things over too much. Always gets me into such a ****, my get down on myself so much for the choices I've made and what that has contributed to my condition. Just so damn hard to change what has become so habituated in me. I've really got to change, I just don't know where to start sometimes, I look at the mess of things and just want to throw up my hands. Got out for a walk today and a friend stopped by for a couple of hours. At least that was good today, so I suppose I'm holding my own.
Cheers for now,
Dave
Siraz, I can so relate. I find I can drift in that state for a while, but it slips downward for me. It's so important for me to stick to doing things that, even though they don't offer a cure all, they keep me above the low water line. I hope you're doing your best to do so as well. We gotta keep each other trying.
And Amethist, yes, man have I suffered from that guilt, some shame with myself as well. We can't take it back, we can only work from here. I am so prone to getting into a guilt cycle, I don't want to see that happen to you.
I've come down since yesterday, had a boost meeting Bev at the printers, really nice lady. Couldn't get to sleep though, a good day does that to me sometimes because I cling to it, don't want it to end. So I slept in quite late, my sleep schedule is getting so buggered up lately. I don't know if I have the strength in me to do what is required to reign it in. Guess I'll have to live with a few shitty days in order to readjust before this gets any further out of hand. Battling off the depressing thoughts and trying not to mull things over too much. Always gets me into such a ****, my get down on myself so much for the choices I've made and what that has contributed to my condition. Just so damn hard to change what has become so habituated in me. I've really got to change, I just don't know where to start sometimes, I look at the mess of things and just want to throw up my hands. Got out for a walk today and a friend stopped by for a couple of hours. At least that was good today, so I suppose I'm holding my own.
Cheers for now,
Dave
hapa_gurl87
Bronze Member
chinese finger traps and scary tunnels
I'm in so much physical psychological pain that its hard to do anything without wanting to go hide and escape the pain. I want to find a solution and I'm confused about my trauma; why did something that i thought would be good make me so traumatized? I'm tired of waiting for something to get better I've done the hard work and I dont feel the rewards or benefits that come out of my effort. Nothing has really changed just my awareness of how my ptsd has become. I feel I need to fix the past to scream and yell at it and stomp on it for what its made of me. I need that angry, evil, loud voice to chase the trauma away and make it more scared of me than I am of it. I'm struggling with the fact that I got retraumatized by trying to get closure over my original trauma, it doesn't make any sense . People tell me it does, but it's like those Chinese finger traps, you keep pulling your fingers thinking that will be the solution but you dont realize that the solution it a lot easier then you have made of it. Its like that push and pull but in my mind I'm doing these actions and pushing my self and pulling myself right back into the hole I got out of not too long ago. If my complicated mind could just erase the suffering if my heart, my body could just let go. If life wasn't so full of obstacles then maybe I could see that light waiting for me at the end of that long dark scary tunnel!:wall::crazy::stupid::doh::dontknow:
I'm in so much physical psychological pain that its hard to do anything without wanting to go hide and escape the pain. I want to find a solution and I'm confused about my trauma; why did something that i thought would be good make me so traumatized? I'm tired of waiting for something to get better I've done the hard work and I dont feel the rewards or benefits that come out of my effort. Nothing has really changed just my awareness of how my ptsd has become. I feel I need to fix the past to scream and yell at it and stomp on it for what its made of me. I need that angry, evil, loud voice to chase the trauma away and make it more scared of me than I am of it. I'm struggling with the fact that I got retraumatized by trying to get closure over my original trauma, it doesn't make any sense . People tell me it does, but it's like those Chinese finger traps, you keep pulling your fingers thinking that will be the solution but you dont realize that the solution it a lot easier then you have made of it. Its like that push and pull but in my mind I'm doing these actions and pushing my self and pulling myself right back into the hole I got out of not too long ago. If my complicated mind could just erase the suffering if my heart, my body could just let go. If life wasn't so full of obstacles then maybe I could see that light waiting for me at the end of that long dark scary tunnel!:wall::crazy::stupid::doh::dontknow:
D
Deleted member 4052
Confused
Apprehensive
But Better today than yesterday
I am beginning to find my groove perhaps :)
Apprehensive
But Better today than yesterday
I am beginning to find my groove perhaps :)
D
Deleted member 4052
Crags!! You are the coolest friend I know. Happy and grateful and optimistic, it is so good to read you say these things today. I have my happy face on, Thank you for helping Me feel better about today.
I'm shaking. I want to cry. It's beautiful outside but I'm missing it—it's too big a world. I have to move or I am going to lose it. I can't have my family living so close to me.
hopeless
lack of future
I'm 34!!
what I've learned from all my years of therapy seem to have busted up.
But I'll be fine.
Thanks
Sigh
hopeless
lack of future
I'm 34!!
what I've learned from all my years of therapy seem to have busted up.
But I'll be fine.
Thanks
Sigh
amethist
VIP Member
Hurt and angry.
Why because I have a bad head cold and my dearest, darling husband sat there and said "Will you make me a cup of tea".
Make him a cup of tea!! You bet I will and he will be wearing it, while I sit here sniffing and blowing my nose with a head ache to boot.
Amethist
Why because I have a bad head cold and my dearest, darling husband sat there and said "Will you make me a cup of tea".
Make him a cup of tea!! You bet I will and he will be wearing it, while I sit here sniffing and blowing my nose with a head ache to boot.
Amethist
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
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