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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Not enough sleep and far too much stress, lost my grip while my parents were over helping with flood mess and the lawn care I neglected while dealing with the flooding. It's not like I didn't tell them I wasn't doing well- just a couple hours of sleep and anxiety to the point it was making me nauseated Too much going on, couldn't handle both of them barking orders at me. I jumped up and down saying naughty words. It wasn't directed at anyone and I didn't get violent, all I did was act like a fool out of frustration. I'm okay with that. The flood filth is mostly cleaned up. Dad got the water heater going again, he'll be back later in the week to see about the washer and dryer. I need a day or two of rest and relaxation before I even think of doing anything else, I'm beyond done.
 
Feeling a bit muddled. Relieved to have chatted with a lovely dear friend just before, and let her know where I was at emotionally, and we talked about last week and all the crap in the news that made everyone freak and get depressed. It was good to chat about it, now that we've both processed some of it. I feel a bit more able to think and not so numb and hopeless about it all.Still craving a cuddle.

It was relieving to know my friend also had experiences with depersonalisation around the same time as I did. I don't think it's something that happens too often to worry about it, but it was good to note it when I did recognise that's what was happening. Think it was due to cannabis intake. I feel grief, and guilt to do with my estrangement.

I wouldn't admit that to one woman I know who has helped me through the whole process, as I know she considers guilt to be a weak emotion, and I also think that way, except I can't help it...I feel bad that I've abandoned my parents. I feel bad that I have deserted them, despite all the logical thinking and knowing in myself that it was the right move for me to make...I still feel bad about it.

I'm not heartless. I know I have caused them pain, but they didn't give a shit about the pain they caused me, so this is where I start to feel conflicted about feeling this way. Why can't I just not care how it affects them, like they do with me?
 
I feel (and did) like eating chocolate! Some days require celebration when movement happens on a concern.

Woman made of chocolate:
chocolate_woman.webp
my kind of gal!
 

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