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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I feel lucky to have the life I've got now. I also feel angry because I feel stuck in rubbish jobs and I want a degree. I feel distrustful towards people and I feel like I'm safer if I avoid them but I also feel isolated because I avoid them. I feel anxious and on edge about responsibilities, bills and keeping myself on an even-kill - I wonder how long I can keep this up for. I feel like I'm alone and like nobody in my life understands how I feel and offers advice on the right thing to do, instead of how I'm feeling and what's best for my mental health. I feel angry and disgusted at the world for letting people starve, for creating wars, the way the police and authorities sometimes don't help victims like they should or make them feel like criminals for turning to them for help. I feel paranoid somebody will follow me home or break into my flat and attack or rape me, I feel vulnerable and like I need to work out how to protect myself incase this happens. I feel violent, like I want to hit people who try to bully or victimise me, I feel like I can't trust myself not to lash out if I feel threatened. I feel like my dreams and future might not happen; I may not complete a degree, have children or do more charity work since I stopped in the spring. I feel as though I don't have a place where I come from; the estate I grew up in got knocked down, I've moved on from childhood friends, I have only 3 photos from my childhood of myself - I feel robbed of this and robbed of good memories.
 
I'm feeling really...mixed.

I'm feeling proud because I managed to find a hotel in St. Petersburg and booked it already. Now, I can search for a flight...so I can't back out because I'm also scared about this trip. I want to go there, I want to see this city and I want to do it alone, to discover by myself...but I'm also scared because I'm not good in big cities, I'm not good with people...and my Russian is still far away from being well.

I'm feeling exhausted. And I feel pity for myself...I would be sitting in a musical right now but I had a major breakdown this evening. My best friend talked sense into me on the phone...I'm doing too much just to avoid thinking and my body is not far away from collapsing. But I don't care because I hate this body...we had quite an argument but she calmed me down.

It's a hard Saturday for me...
 
I feel overwhelmed.

I drove to two friend's place yesterday and I went around Sydney, coming back I got confused and went through Sydney which added an hour and a half to the journey. We ate lunch and I ate too much, so many feelings that I squashed down. Did the same with two friends last night. So many feelings being around people, I ate too much.
 
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I feel like I am walking on a wire. I am happy to be on a 'purge' of trauma currently and trying to be wise about balancing. Yet, since it is a new technique for me...I am feeling a little apprehensive of exactly where over the edge exist.
seacliff.webp Mantra...don't look down.:clown:
 

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