I am feeling grateful for the forum and all the supportive and suffering people I have met here. I have been seriously suicidal every evening for months and months. I hear in my head a child's voice saying, "I want to die." Then, I would plan which way to go was the best. Sometimes, I was so low that no family member or friend was worth living and suffering for. I knew it would hurt them and I am sad that I couldn't match their future suffering to my current suffering to have it matter much. How callous. Just let me out of this....Then, with my T, we put together that it was the same time of day when the little children whores were readied for their. All this preparation was so that we would not throw up, make pooh, or be too small to accommodate our gentlemen callers. No wonder that inner child didn't want to live and have to go through all that again and again.