What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[Ronin]

@lostforgottensoul, I went to figure a non-alcoholic drink to mix in Alba's honor.

Didn't laugh, but admirations & respect much the same.

 

[Heather]

@lostforgottensoul Go ahead and give them a hug....no one is stopping you. I saw an incident and reported it......I have strong feelings about putting innocent children in harm's way......that is where my anger and judgement comes from.

And after everything I've been through in the past 3 months.....shame on that mom!

So, you have your opinion and I have mine.

enough said.

 

[Ronin]

@Heather 1) Anthony's post calling for judgment free environment in this thread.

2) Alba's post calling for getting back on topic.

Enough said.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

OK so back on topic...

Not sure I should include the forced shit though i hold it inside about the same.

When i was 12 and my dad had just left and all the bad shit was just starting or right before it was, I skipped school 2 days in a row; my mom at the time worked at my cousin's dry cleaners and brought home all the money in the cash register because he was a coke/crack addict (my cousin) and would take it all to spend on drugs.

She had it all in a fanny pack (it was the 90s) and was super SUPER sick in the bathroom and i stolen a shitload of the money and then 2 days on a row i went under the basketball court fence, ran through the grade school yard (middle school and grade school were next to each other) and walked all the way to the county fair.

I wouldnt of gotten caught if i didnt do it 2 days in a row...dumb ass.

That year was my externalize everything right before i started to internalize it. I also would steal a ton of shit from walgreens.

This was directly before my "job" and not being allowed to eat and stuff. Before my dad was fully out of the picture and before my not yet step dad moved in.

I did all sorts of "bad girl" shit that year. I was pissed at the world and at my dad for not taking me. Sadly i cut my dad out of all the pictures i could find. He doesnt know that still today, that would kill him.

My dad had some of them as doubles so i got some back but not all.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Some of the things I've done will go with me to the grave. I will never speak a word of them. I don't know how you (especially lost) have the courage to expose yourselves this way.

 

[mary1979]

H

OK so back on topic...

Not sure I should include the forced shit though i hold it inside abou...

Ahaha! Oh @lostforgottensoul we have so much in common!

I did exactly this myself! But I dont feel bad about it at all.

I stole $10 from my Dads drawer and together with 4 other friends we found someone to buy a carton of beer. We skipped school,
I had my first drink (think I was maybe 13) and we snuck in the back of the local country fair (we call it the show here though)
I got rotten drunk, learned what the hole in the wall was at the show (the sneaky place carnies go to while on breaks to drink illegally)

So much fun! It was probably.my first instance of rebellion and man did I go full throttle after getting away with that one ahaha

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@mary1979 after this little stint in 8th grade i internalized everything and was the the perfect student, always home at or before 8pm (or id be locked out and was once)...basically i tried to be the best teenager ever to reduce what was happening. Not sure if it helped but i tried.

So my party time, my teenager years were lived from 18 to about 24ish...my drinking, clubing, drugging, all sorts of getting into trouble (never been arrested). But those were my "wild days".

Ive been been much of a drinker though, my mom is an alcholic and i now have a bleeding ulcer that alcohol burns.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't know how you (especially lost) have the courage to expose yourselves this way.

I had to speak of all of the graphic details of my trauma to get it "out there" and out of me to move ahead. And blame shifted mid Jan, not just 3 months ago, and look how far ive gone since.

Def not for everyone but thats how it had to happen for me.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I first posted on this thread shortly after joining the forum. Spilled something I had never told anyone before. I think because of that I was able to tell it to my current therapist. I don't remember much before 10 years old but I did a a lot of bad shit as an adult (over 18)
I did a lot of stupid shit too but the bad choices I made, the bad things I did... I knew they were wrong and I did them anyway
I've been arrested, fingerprinted and all... Arrested for shoplifting, they held me in a cell all day as I wailed.. The next day, I went out and shoplifted again because I knew the adrenalin rush was going to be so much more intense.
I had abortion at 19 weeks. The labor was longer and harder than any of my living children. When the first labor pain hit I wanted to change my mind. Instead I lay in a room for around 30 hours alone except for the occasional cold clinical, check, apologizing to my baby for being a murderer. A male nurse came in the room once during the labor, stuck his finger up my ass, then said "do you like that?" Removed his finger and left. He didn't come back and I never said anything about it, until now.
I broke all 10 commandments. I never cheated while in a relationship but I had affairs with married men so I figure since I knew he was married, I was committing adultery as much as he was.
Slept with random men in my teens sometimes two, three, four at the same time... I figured why not, they'll just take it anyway. They were all in their thirties and older. They gave me enough drink and drugs to not be there, not that I would have been there anyway but the drink and drug made it possible for me to really not be there instead of watching from a far. They were f*cking a shell, didn't notice or care

These are things and more I did a long time ago and as deep as the shame and self hate goes

The things done to me as a child, things I don't remember except for a flash now and then or the occasional poem by a child part... Those things make me feel more shame and self hate than anything I chose to do as an adult.

But I still hold fast to "My past does not define me"

 

[Forgetful]

Off topic for a second. I just want to thank @Neverthesame, @Heather and @lostforgottensoul for the kind words.I was very scared to post what I did on this forum. Hopefully once I process that I will no longer feel like the waste of skin monster that I am.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

MANY MANY :hug:s @Snafu

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Slept with random men in my teens sometimes two, three, four at the same time...

Been there done that just last week... :bag:

If i have to name the forced shit this would be incredablly long but ive done all the sleeping "whoring" around, did all the drugging, never shoplifted as an adult but im suprised the drugging didnt get me arrested.

Did crazy shit while high.

Oh oh, I stole a street sign [my last name] Ave thats still on my wall and is it sad that im actually proud that i could get that and not get caught?