What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[vst]

My bad things...

Drove my parents to tears, I was not a very nice teenager.

Drinking, smoking, drugs

Shoplifting

Used sex to punish myself (I just figured that one out a few weeks ago)

Slept with two married men

Ran away from places and situations without telling anyone I was leaving.

Hurt friends on purpose

vst

 

[Grama-Herc]

Hey VST, Sounds like you read the notes I made for my next entry in this thread. All I can say is it must be something in the water causing all of us to screw up like this

 

[Deleted member 487]

What bad shit have you done in your life, with or without PTSD, lets get it all out and about so things are not sitting on your shoulders any longer. Its time to be really honest with yourself.

Not proud of any of the above, but they are part of my past.

Ditto. BUT- here in the US the Statute of Limitations has not expired yet.

 

[Tactman]

The worse thing I feel I have done is when I quit caring when I took someone's life in combat.

 

[Linda]

This is only the stuff which I consider to be bad:

Sleeping and playing with men and dumping them when they made me tired
Locking two unknown guys from outside in their trailer (I was 12 years old)
Taking rides on the roof of the elevator in a 22-story building (a popular entertainment for bad kids like myself)
Taking trains and buses without paying for tickets (in Russia)
Not paying enough attention (to say the least) to my high school studies
Drinking a lot (past)
Multiple phone jokes and other nasty stuff, like putting dog's poop into someone's shoose (as a kid, of course)
Making false papers in order to get free bus pass or permission to skydive (in Russia)
Unnecessary arguing, fighting, and so on (hope will be past soon)
Pushing people away by verbally hurting them (hope will be past soon)

 

[secondchance]

Veiled

You are so correct about the uncontrolled anger. I finally realized it came out the most when I was hurt. Can't let them see you cry can you? I slept around a lot..I mean a lot. Because I had been taught by peoples actions that was the source of my worth. I was pretty AND sexy. My Mom was shall we say very active when I was growing up in the house of violence. Once you have been abused enough you see yourself as invincible. I am actually not afraid of physical violence...just feel unloveable and as though everyone will finally come to the realization I am worthless:dontknow: and abandone me. Although not an alcoholic many many years ago drove my children in the car when I was drunk. Thank God I had an angel on my shoulder. Never happened again. Still as we in this group knows..guilt is one of the enmies we have to conquer. I do believe in forgiveness however:clap:

 

[glenda6]

My mind is ticking

It would be good if I could list the good things I have done - but that is not the subject ---- oh I could right a book.

I used to hide food (and still do) and eat it in the bathroom
Used to kick my grandmother and run
Started drugs, alcohol and sex and when I was 13
Slept with over 100 men
Cheated on my first husband so many times (usually while drunk) sometimes with his friends and our neighbours
Have told about 500 or more people (including my family and friends) to F*($ off

This is only for starters - I totally feel guilty as hell if I was to list everything at once, so maybe I can build up to it.

 

[rob4444]

lets see...well start with feeling like shit about cutting down "that" tree....i asked a farmer,whos property was used to film return to eden,if i could fall a couple of turpentine gum trees..which surrounded his paddocks...he probably thought a 14 yo kid was after small trees...trouble is the biggest,tallest turpie id ever seen was on the cleared paddock,in the film set actualy...and being a budding logger at 14yo..i took my massive 090 stihl chainsaw in and fell it...quite a task for a kid....no one said a word..suppose no one said i couldnt take it...took the whole lot out as split fence posts and rails...i was too young and keen to realise the extent of my unknowing vandalism...i pass the site a few times a year..sometimes a cheeky grin..but always sadness...ive fell 10,000"s trees over the years,none i remmember like that one...i only cut trees brought down in storms now..p.s. it was after the film not during.

 

[Seabeevet]

Well I cheated on my first wife, she made me feel like crap. she never found out.I cheated 2 times that is all. no more. 2 days 2 girls.
I use to work at the Navy yards where they took old stuff to be sold or disposed of. I would take truck loads of tools and sell them at swap-meets yard sales. not stuff they wanted just the stuff they were going to get rid of. Hell I know I have done more but that is at the top of my list.

 

[EmoxxKid]

I cursed the ground my most resent ex best friend walks on today.

I lost two good friends to two shitty things.

 

[goingonhope]

Did not call my mother on Easter Sunday, nor have allowed myself to do so since. She's been on my mind lately and I have a dilemma. Both:

It feels like a bad idea for me to call her at this time in our lives, and yet I fear it's an even worse idea not to do so.

And,

It's a bad idea not to call my mother, and yet an even worse idea to do so, at this time in our lives.

Basically, I'm afraid of what might be, and my feared, almost predictable, spiritual downward slide that could follow, as well as, a possible MH internal eruption response to speaking with her, having her over here to visit, or visiting her.

My family and I are in the process of many positive changes and the stress that can arise from such huge changes is already enough for me to need to manage.

So despite my justifications in not calling her or talking with her lately, I still feel guilty.

 

[moog]

I have cheated on girlfriends
I have had multiple girlfriends at once, lieing to each of them
I have beaten people up just because they looked at me when drunk

Not proud of any of the above, but they are part of my past.

anthony,

I used to think it was just a common trend amongst the military community but now that I've been learning more about PTSD, there seems to be a link to risky sexual behaviour and men suffering from PTSD. But the only studies I can find are based on men with childhood sexual abuse backgrounds.

I went through a similar time in my life but it tended to repeat itself. The first time around, I drank a bottle of whiskey a day and slept with any girl I could find. That lasted around 6 months and then some friends that I thought drank to much told me I had a problem, so I stopped. Well I stopped drinking every day. I had 3 different girlfriends at one time, all of them knew about each other and competed for my time. But they never met one and other. I had a long term girlfriend for a few years and when ever I was away, I would cheat on her.