What Can Someone Say Or Do?

[joeylittle]

he says he has no one to talk to.

Have you tried to gently challenge him on this? Not by making suggestions, just by asking him what makes him think that.

Believing you have no-one you can talk to is pretty common, but it's also usually not the case. It's a belief rooted in fear. Those fears aren't always facts. The truth is, there are people to talk to, and he knows it, too.

ask him to do something to reach out to a professional for support. To call a hot line, to go to the ER, to tell his therapist, and ask for confirmation he has done that.

You really can ask him to do this. Is he still in touch with his therapist?

 

[Suzetig]

I do understand depression and he knows that.

I don't doubt this but knowing about depression and being able to hold the depth of feeling when someone honestly wants to die are vastly different things - it takes every ounce of courage, self knowledge and self stability not to be knocked off course. With the very best will you might not be the right person for him to talk to about his suicidal feelings. Being available, assuring him of you love and care, and reminding him of crisis services may free you up enough to be someone he can touch base with and not feel pressure to tell all.

And yes, he needs to know that if you feel worried he might hurt himself or others, that you'll call it in and you need to be clear that you'll follow through. Set your threshold for what that worry might look like (eg lack of specific contact, comments about guns, whatever tells you he's in a bad way). It might mean he doesn't tell you everything but you won't have betrayed him and that'll be important in the relationship down the line.

 

[Glara]

Yes, as far as I know he's still in touch with his therapist. He never said he isn't going and he was always going regularly.

I know he may not want to talk to me about being suicidal, believe me, that's ok. But I wouldn't shut him out or cut him off if he did. I don't think I'm equipped to handle it, I'm emotionally attached which is a lot different than talking to one of my clients. I can be compassionate and empathetic to them, but I don't love them. That's why this is so much harder. I don't want to betray him but I don't want him to succeed. I can't even think about that, I'm getting upset writing this.

 

[Glara]

So I texted him last night, he answered this morning. I told him to please check in very few days so I know he's ok and he doesn't have to talk, just check in. This is what he did last time. I also asked if he was talking to his therapist which he said he is. I feel a little better.

Thank you everyone he responded to this post. It really helped more than you know.