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Childhood What Did You Miss Out On Growing Up?

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  • The idea that I had any potential at all
  • The idea that I was allowed to be proud of myself
  • The idea that I was a good person
  • A sense of my own value
  • Being singular inside
  • Not living in terror
  • the idea that it was ok when I messed up, that I didn't have to pay dearly for tiny mistakes.
 
I'm starting to learn, but only because I'm at an age where my peers all have kids. I didn't know birthday parties were a thing. 'Bedtime' is a concept that was not in play for me (it was for my younger siblings, but they didn't come along for awhile). And there are other things, too.

I think they all add up to, knowing that someone was taking care of me and that they cared about my happiness and health. I did not grow up with that.
 
I missed out of the spontaneity of childhood. I could not take risks or have confidence. I was never without fear and spent my time hiding instead of playing. I missed out on toys and baking cookies. I missed out on Girl Scouts and summer camp. I completely lost out on pride because I was constantly belittled. I always thought I was too stupid to matter. I missed out on learning to have and express emotions. I missed out on looking forward to the future. I dreaded the future.
 
I never knew what it was like to not be afraid.
I was 13 before I ever saw a parent love a child(my friends parents loved him).
They would hug and kiss him....I had never seen anything like it.
I was stunned to see love.
 
I missed out on feeling protected, having a safe environment, encouragement and feeling valued and respected. I missed out on a father figure, on someone I could trust and on guidance. I missed out on forgiveness for my shortcomings and on being able to identify myself as no different than anybody else but a flawed bad person who does not deserve to be loved. I missed out on education as an adolescent because I lived on the streets for a while and only went to school because it was warm and safe.
 
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