Relationship What Do I Do For My Soldier, My Love..

[watinonhim]

Hello,
I am new here and I'm looking for support when dealing with PTSD. My fiance' is a vet in the army. He has served his ten years almost. He has ten months to go. He has been deployed 3 times and is greatly suffering from this disorder.

We have only been a couple for a year and half. During this time he has greatly confused me and our entire relationship has been a battle. In the beginning he broke up with me four times in less than six months. One minute he was so sure of his love and what he wanted, next he was confused and it was not what he wanted. Things has gotten better in that sense, other than my fear that he's gonna up and leave me for good.

I love this man dearly and its nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him. That's one reason I'm reaching out for some help on this matter. Its days he shuts down, he won't even talk to me. He becomes a different person. Its soooo hard to. Get any emotion or affection from him. I try to be understanding. When I try to talk, we end up arguing and I just need advice. I can't wait to start my life as his wife. I just don't know how to be there for him. Thanks to anyone who can lend advice on this subject.

 

[Bilby]

Welcome to the forum :)

I just saw a post from someone who is in the military and he is getting support for his PTSD. I wonder if this is possible for your partner. It would be nice to think that the military would be more supportive of those that serve their country.

It is really important for both of you to have support and understanding, and to be able to communicate with one another effectively. Usually, when my husband and I were going through a lot of arguing, it came down to poor communication, and also poor understanding of PTSD on my part. I have since learnt a lot about it and it has opened my eyes up to what he is experiencing. Hopefully, if you take a look around this forum, you too will be able to learn quite a bit in order to support your partner. That said, he does need to get help for himself too, but I understand that being in the military, this can be a difficult thing.....

Good luck to you both.

B x

 

[watinonhim]

Thank you so much for responding. Yes, he does see a therapist every Tuesday but its still a struggle for him. I'm trying to be patient and understanding like he needs me to be. I only want what's best for him. Sometimes I find myself fussing bc I want more love and affection and later I feel bad about it. I know he can't help it but its only human nature as a woman to needs these things. I'm thinking about trying to attend a session with him. He's stationed four hours away from where I live so we only see each other on the weekends.

 

[Reject]

Welcome to the board. I'm new as well, and I wanted to reply to your post because my husband is also a combat veteran. He only served one tour but there was a lot of horrible things that he saw, most of which he will not tell me about. Just that it was bad.

I want you to know, most importantly, that you are not alone in this. Trust me when I say that you will meet so many others who know exactly how you're feeling and have the same experiences with their boyfriend/husband. It's definitely a day to day struggle, which is why I say we have our good days and bad days at home. It has taken me over three years to adjust myself and my behavior to be able to deal with my husband when the PTSD kicks in; I'm impatient and I have a temper, so I really try not to be a trigger for him. It takes time to learn the best and worst ways to react to certain situations but over time, things in our relationship have gotten much better. Part of that is the fact that he is no longer in the military but then again, he had the worst experience during his time in service, so it was good to get away from certain people.

I hope that things start looking up for you. You're strong and I cannot thank you enough for staying with him, even when he is shut off from you and the world. I believe that it's easy to get married while they're in the service and making money, but it's the women who stand by them after, trying to heal those war wounds, that make them incredible.

Also, please look into the Veteran Caregiver program and the Hearts of Valor program. :)

 

[Reject]

Also, I wanted to say that I've learned through training that one of the best ways to communicate with your veteran is by just listening, maybe even taking notes. Repeat back to them what they've told you. "You're frustrated because of this..." and empathize, don't sympathize. "I can see why that would be frustrating." But most importantly, LISTEN. :)

 

[watinonhim]

Thank u for responding. I agree with having good days and bad days bc we deal with this. He was my high school love and I never told him the day he left for the Army bc I didn't want him confused. I didn't know if he felt the same so I left him go without stoppping him. We ran into each other over the years and finally told each other how we really felt. 8 years later there we were madly in love starting what should have been years ago. So u must know this man is my world. I believe everyday God gave us a chance again bc just maybe its what was written in the lords book. He is different now bc of war and the memories and scars he has to live with everyday. As bad as it is to say I'm waiting on the ten months to pass so he will be out the service. I'm ready to just stand by him and make him happy and to give him a normal life. No one should have to live and not actually enjoy life. I hope the PTSD will get better but I know its all in time.