What Do People Say That Helps?

[sun seeker]

I will preface this question by saying that I am not at all suicidal. This is just a question that is on my mind at the moment for some reason.

If you have reached out for help when suicidal, what are the most helpful things people have said or done? There are a lot of things that for most people don't help: anything inducing guilt, for one, and encouraging people to try harder, for another. What about the things that do help? What has reached you in that deep dark place, whether words or attitudes, and given you hope to claw your way back up and carry on?

Of course, there has to be something coming from within that is involved as well, and perhaps spiritual intervention for those who believe in that. But for the moment, I am wondering: what can another person do or say that helps?

 

[joeylittle]

I will stay here with you until it passes.

That is the only thing that has ever meant anything to me.

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks @joeylittle, that's helpful.

 

[illusionist]

Being told by someone who knows me that they believe I've got the strength to get out of this....this gave me a glimmer of belief that I could.

 

[Friday]

""C'mon ya damn pansy, man up" .... :D This one still brings a smile to my face.

There are a few others in the same vein; you motherf*cking coward, whiny little princess bitch :roflmao: Haha! Love. It. Hell yes piss me off & help me find my damn fight, wherever the hell I left it.

As well as the complete and total opposite. Strength. I've got you. On your 6. Etc. Pura Vida. Pure life.

But the reason I wanted to highlight the first bit? Is because there is nothing "right" to say to a person who is suicidal. As in nothing helps everyone. Even hostage negotiation stuff, where a person is trained to find the thread that will pull a person back from the brink? Is about finding the thread, the fulcrum or pivot to tip the scales on, the thing that will motivate a person away from acting... And that's not only different with everyone... But can be 180 degrees different with the exact same person at 2 different times in the same conversation.

I generally respond best to rough handling. Shrug. That's just the way I operate. Sympathy? Has driven me closer to suicide than most things. Other people? Rough handling can drive them to the brink, and sympathy pull them back.

It doesn't matter how perfect the words are, however. 2 minutes later? The pieces can snap back together, reality goes way the f*ck away, the storm hits again, & the person shoots themselves. In order not to die? The person has to choose not to. That simple. And that complex. People are volatile as hell when suicidal. Struggling, fine, struggling, fine, done.

All words do, at most, is buy time. That time can be a life saver. Literally. Or not. No one ever really knows. On either side of the line. A person determined to die? Will. Sooner or later. Until they decide to live. No one else can make that decision for them. At best, one simply buys them some time to change their minds. But that only works if they're selling.

 

[Chava]

I had several suicide attempts in the past. Never did I trust anyone enough to talk about it or reach out...just made the attempt and somehow made my way to an ER. But once in psych, it was actually the other patients who could find a way to make me laugh who seemed to pull me back to feeling like I was among the living. I think a friend from the outside trying to cheer me up might have just pissed me off. But a fellow patient just making fun of one of my blatant quirks, or making up a ridiculous song to sing to me...that was helpful.

 

[Crow]

"I dont know how to help but I'm here for you."
Quiet being in the same room is also helpful.

 

[Ocean5]

Just being there and listening...even if you go quiet. Not judging.

 

[Justmehere]

One time someone said, "You got this. I'm here too." That wouldn't help other people, but it was a vote of confidence in my ability to pull through, to choose life, to keep going.

Outside of that, the words don't matter so much to me. Being present with me through it, without trying to fix or cure it, but just riding the wave with me, helps a lot.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can't really recall words, my mind's blank. :(

Good luck @sun seeker . :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

Okay, here is another question. It looks like there is a lot of agreement that supportive, nonjudgemental presence is more helpful than any advice.

Does it have to be physical presence? What if there is no one there and the reaching out is online or by phone? What helps then?

 

[sun seeker]

I can't really recall words, my mind's blank.

That's okay. Is there an attitude that helps?

You are wanted and welcome, blank mind or not. I know the feeling well. :hug: