Childhood Why do people think this is csa

Rose White

VIP Member
Why is it weird for a dad to have his toddler watch him wank. If the toddler doesn’t know and just sees bodies as bodies. Okay so again very sorry but is confusing because I did think it was cool when the came out because I don’t know why I thought it was cool but I did want to see. And I think I asked him to do it but can a 2yo ask to see that? Well I guess some can. And if dad read this maybe he would think well see she did like it.

I’m thinking that it’s not bad for the toddler per se only that the toddler is an actual person and will later be like, well that’s kind of weird because people don’t usually do that.

But I really don’t understand why doing is bad from a biological perspective. But I guess that what happened was my dad said when I was older that animals do this and so were animals and animals f*ck their children all the time anyway so what’s the problem and he was probably saying that because his dad f*cked kids and so nbd.

And also im going to make another thread that says if your parent grew up in a family where the parents f*cked the kids does that make you feel more pity on them or forgive them because they were brainwashed.

sorry for being all weird about it. I mean I think I do understand that putting your dick in your baby’s mouth or Fingering her is pretty much like you shouldn’t be doing the dad thing ATALL and beating your kids is pretty much okay as long as no bruises—totally legal fine. But the wanking thing is confusing and again very sorry for being so confused because I am very very very aware that most people are like DUH and are you serious because if you are asking these questions you are probably trolling or are trying to excuse your own shit but it’s my brain that is trying to figure it out so yeah sorry thank you for reading and thank you if you are able to help explain :(. I’m mostly asking about the wanking so please don’t comment on the beating or the putting things inside bodies I am pretty sure I understand those Pretty well
 
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I think my T would say, “It’s just bad. And if a part of you doesn’t understand then they probably aren’t old enough to understand and you can just tell them he’s bad and dangerous—end of story.”

I think I know that *he’s* bad and dangerous overall—I mostly know that. But I want to know from a counseling professional legal social perspective why the wanking is bad. I guess it doesn’t matter whether I liked or wanted to see it—irrelevant. Obv kids like and want csa shit all the time due to manipulation and coercion.

So I guess the answer is because wanking is sexual. But for me it wasn’t. It was just body positivity and biology. So that’s why it’s hard for me to understand why they call it csa. But I guess it’s because no matter how I erroneously saw it it was still sexual even if I didn’t know that.

I think I’m having a hard time reconciling that. Or rather parts of me are at times. And T would say, you keep telling those parts the adult truth. No matter how much they argue.

And maybe they won’t agree with me today. Or ever. But I’m supposed to be in charge right?

Right.

Ugh. Sorry for all the jumping around and pondering. I still appreciate anyone’s input on any of it really. And sorry this is all over the place. 😓
 
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It’s bad because it’s sexually explicit and totally age inappropriate for a child.
Adults generally are horrified at the thought of doing anything more explicitly sexual than PDA’s (light kissing, holding hands, hugging, ya get the idea) infront of their children.
Having the child watch it is basically exposing the child to a sex act which said child is far too young to consent to, or have an adult understanding of what’s taking place, or to be able to remove themselves.

Biology and body positivity in no way intersects with deliberately exposing your child to sexual activity.
 
Thank you no more.

Interesting that you say basically exposing the child to a sex act because I think the word basically means that on some level it’s not.

I get that most adults are horrified and perhaps my dad is just part of the group that is wasn’t. But it’s also because he was conditioned by his rapist pedophile dad to believe that way—soooo—-I’m not gonna say not his fault because 23 yo man is still an adult BUT… understandable?? Which is on the road to not his fault?

If he went on to my ptsd forum and said hey guys my dad raped my sister and wanked and f*cked my mom in front of us and I messed up by f*cking around with my daughter when she was a baby but I stopped and I tried to apologize with a letter when she told me that wasn’t cool but I do feel bad because my dad kind of was a rapist pedophile.

That’s what I’m imagining. But I won’t give him the time of day to give me his explanation because I’m afraid of him. Or parts of me are. And I don’t want to fawn him.

Anyway. The basically a sex act thing is where I do know it’s sort of a grey area but legally not.

I guess it’s like the people whose parents shared a bed/room with them because they were poor and f*cked with the kids in the bed and the kids grew up and are like wtf.

And it does make sense what you said about kids can’t say, “Hey I’m not cool with this I’d rather go somewhere else.” It’s like they are sort of captive.
 
If you're basing it on what's biologically good or bad, well, ethics isn't biological. There's nothing about ethics that is enforced by any natural laws, people and animals can basically do whatever they want. But we can make an argument that it causes harm, because it impacts a child's neurological development in a negative way. Animals rape each other in nature, yes, and animals can suffer just like humans can. They may not ascribe morality to it, but an animal knows if its being hurt.
 
@Weemie hmmm ok.

I don’t know if it impacts their neurological development as much as their social development but those are probably twined together.

Well then my pedophile patriarchs basing their ethics on biology makes sense I guess, for their egos. And is prob why I became a biologist to find out if there was any truth to it. And prob why I was so interested in evo psych and not a huge fan of most of it.

Animals don’t think about sexual behavior like humans do, they just don’t. Few animals in zoos have a sense desire for privacy—likely only the apes, elephants, and porpoises.

Which pretty much proves that it is absolute bs to say that animals f*ck their kids so it’s nbd. And I do get that animals don’t want to be raped even if it’s how that species typically or sometimes mates. But like the bonobos that f*ck their kids, the kids don’t care and don’t get neurological damage unless it’s violent.

But humans are fundamentally different from animals for a long list of reasons. Which I think is what I ultimately learned from being a biologist. So I did become one to figure out if it’s what the f*cking fathers claimed.

And my aunt the one who was raped for almost a decade by her adoptive step dad my grandpa became an anthropologist. Maybe because grandpa said such and such tribe sucks their kids dicks and I’m sorry for being so rude but he would have said it academically and that pisses me off.

Grandpa was a sadist. Studied for his PhD in Psychology with Skinner and Kinsey in Indiana. Did shock treatment on animals and his own kids. f*cked anyone he wanted to. Level 20 charisma.

Appreciate the discussion though to help me move around this.
 
Ok. I think an important point is that parts of me are seeing him and toddler me as equal. Not adult/child. Just two broken human bros chillin on the bed sharing some time together and being cool with each others bodies.

Cuz that would probably be a better situation I guess. So why not let’s just make it out to be that?

The reason why not is probably because that’s more fantasy than real life fantasy.

Was just thinking that moving away from where my dad can keep walking by my house will probably stop these flashbacks from happening and then I can begin to deal over those psychic wounds kinda a little better.

Well I just called them wounds. Ok, so part of me does realize that it was bad. Not a fan of that word. Inappropriate? Probably.

Okay from adult teacher professional mom part of me—WILDLY inappropriate and professional part of me knows that it is beyond inappropriate because the mandatory reporting person said it is a crime no matter what anyone’s opinion of it is. But also they said that emotional abuse is a crime but they can’t hardly ever go after it. So it’s kind of like that. Like “we all” know that it’s a crime but realistically we are not going to go after it because of all the kids getting stuff that is immediately dangerous to their lives and sanity, or something like that. Basically, there’s so much child abuse and so few responders to hat we can only skim off the worst.
 
I don’t know if it impacts their neurological development
It does, it generates neural transmission relative to sexual, aggression and impulse pathways that has a negative impact on childhood development.

Animals don’t think about sexual behavior like humans do, they just don’t.
But an animal can still suffer. A whale, a dolphin, an octopus, an African Grey, an elephant, these animals even understand higher order concepts and can pass the mirror test, thus have an understanding of themselves as an individual.

If you rape an animal, restrain it, penetrate it forcefully, confine it - it knows it's confined, it knows you're forcing it to do something it doesn't want to do, it feels physical pain.

But humans are fundamentally different from animals for a long list of reasons.
We are, but not in this way. By this way I don't mean that animals have an ethical understanding of consent or a cultural basis for consent. I mean we both can suffer, and know that we are suffering.
 
Why is it weird for a dad to have his toddler watch him wank.
Because this is sexual behaviour. Forced onto a child. Done deliberately. Discarding the wellbeing of that child.
If the toddler doesn’t know and just sees bodies as bodies.
Because a parent needs to be safe. And discarding the wellbeing of a toddler is not safe.
But I guess that what happened was my dad said when I was older that animals do this and so were animals and animals f*ck their children all the time anyway so what’s the problem and he was probably saying that because his dad f*cked kids and so nbd.
This is the stuff abusers say to lie to others and themselves about what they do. It's a lie.



You weren't equal, he was your dad.



It sounds like it would help a lot not to have your Dad in your neighborhood because seeing him is stealing your voice and your reality and your grounding. And your sense of safety. To the point that you're changing reality and safety to try and make what happened be ok. But it wasn't ok.
 
@Movingforward10 has nailed it.

If the toddler doesn’t know and just sees bodies as bodies.
Toddler’s are learning a crapload. They aren’t just ‘seeing bodies’ with no idea about the importance of what’s going on between them and their parent. Easy example - toddlers know that certain things they do will make their parents happy, certain things they do get their parent’s attention, and certain things they do will make their parents attend to them more closely. They are already doing things to make their parents interact with them more (or less), and getting distressed if their parents leave them (eg the ‘Strange Situation’ experiments if you’re looking for reading material).

Toddlers are mostly already learning about their own genitals and that rubbing them feels good. They’re also (meant to be) learning about what is and isn’t appropriate. ‘Appropriate’ not just meaning ‘socially acceptable’ but also ‘things that keep you safe, or not’.

In this scenario, the adult is normalising a whole heap of stuff. Sexual interaction with their own child, sexual interaction without checking the other person is okay, sexual interaction based on power imbalance, sexual interaction being a normal part of what ‘trust and safety’ look like.

A child exposed to this? Comes away with not having a safe adult figure that they can rely on to put the child’s needs and safety ahead of their own. And that understanding that, as the child, their role is potentially to provide sexual gratification to their parent. If they have to provide sexual gratification to make their own father happy, then presumably every attachment they form that point on is going to require them to provide sexual gratification.

Which is not a good starting point for forming new relationships, yeah? To make my teacher happy, I need to make sure they get their rocks off when they’re with me. Same for my best friends, boss, colleagues, etc etc.

I mean, I could go on, but…you get the drift?
But for me it wasn’t. It was just body positivity and biology.
Was it? Or was it perhaps teaching you that the usual healthy sexual boundaries, and what it means to be kept safe, don’t apply to you for some reason? Has this experience not been a key part of the way you now experience healthy attachments with, for example, a significant other?

I think an important point is that parts of me are seeing him and toddler me as equal. Not adult/child. Just two broken human bros chillin on the bed sharing some time together and being cool with each others bodies.
Yep. Something we tend to do a lot of, looking back at our own experiences, is attributing what we think now to what we must have been thinking then. Our brains can’t help doing that. But it’s rarely accurate when we’re looking back at out 2 year old self.
 
Thanks good to hear it

Yes moving away will be good for that reason of ceasing the bullshit

It will be bad for stress short term and bad for money long term

Wish I could just move to a different planet. But def not being so close to him will make a diff because imagine being able to just go along with typical life stressors and only things reminding me now and then not just that idiot right in front of my f*cking door—good to feel mad about it instead of afraid or sad—yay and thank you anger

So it will be great either way if landlord cancels lease or raises it astronomically—lucky

Ok, truth is that my brain wouldn’t let me read th responses a because it’s in beast survival mode but I know the truth is there and I can ease into it as resistance eases off

And you know that if/when I do move some stupid part will grieve not having him around to f*ck with me because brain but maybe not. I will try to read the truths but it just feels like I’m vomiting in my head, like how some animals vomit defensively that’s what my mind is doing when I try to read the words.
 

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