What Do You Really Think Of Others (with Ptsd) Who Have Less Trauma Than You?

[XXXXXoXXXXXX]

Thank you for the honesty Vavuba and Awutu. Its almost helpful to hear as I know some people do judge (I have heard it before and been on the receiving end) so not hearing anyone express those views on here is probably unrealistic. I appreciate how those thoughts are qualified for you both as well.

 

[Ilikug]

If anyone has not had these feelings at some point then I would be interested in knowing if they, on the whole, tend not to suffer from self doubt.

I know that objectively what happened to me was traumatic. No-one would question that it would cause PTSD. I still have self doubt about some things. I don't know why they should affect me so much. Especially things that happened when I was a very young child.

It's hard for me to understand how vulnerable young children are. I tend to think from the point of view of my adult self and forget that I didn't have that kind of resilience or understanding at the age of four, or eight, or whatever age. Of course it would affect me. But I don't see that easily, probably because the abuse itself left me with self-blame and lack of sympathy for myself.

Even with the biggest, most obvious trauma, I don't understand why this or that aspect upset me so much. It's because it's not about what happened, but the meaning that it had for me. For example, something might not seem like the worst thing out of everything, but if it was the point at which I felt broken then that's why it was so bad.

So, yes I have some self doubt. Not overall, but about details. If I didn't have the more clear cut trauma as well, I would be doubting everything, probably.

 

[Utawe]

I have met few people in my life who have survived the sheer number of traumas I have experienced. People usually just die. And yet there are many people who have been through 5% of the trauma and their lives are utterly destroyed and I am relatively functional.

Resiliency is very difficult to understand. I have a lot of it and it is overall a rare skill. The amount of resiliency is much more important to recovery than the amount or type of trauma.

Do I ever judge? Well... Sometimes I have trouble being as patient with people as they need but that isn't really the same thing as judging. I don't know anyone who is walking a genuinely easy road. We all have our crosses to bear. I could live in a world of self pity because I had more trauma than other people but the only person who would suffer would be me.

I think that instead I am kind of pushy about people not giving up hope. Seriously, if I am this f*cked up and I can learn how to function surely there is hope for anyone. Like in the same way it feels inspiring when you watch double amputees run in the special Olympics. Holy shit if they are that stubborn then I just need to work harder. That kind of thing.

So it is kind of like judgement and more like a big sisterly feeling of "all right little buddy obviously we have a long road to walk-let's get moving!" In my head it is a cross between being magnanimous and being condescending leaning heavily on giving me the benefit of the doubt. :)

 

[XXXXXoXXXXXX]

So, yes I have some self doubt. Not overall, but about details. If I didn't have the more clear cut trauma as well, I would be doubting everything, probably.

When I am able to think more rationally then I feel like this too. I know that certain things others would see as possibly traumatic. I also know that some of the things that I find very disturbing are less easy to relate. It is often very hard to separate the different parts of this. There is the fact that the amount of trauma I have experienced is small compared to a lot of people on here. There is the fact that I can't feel any of what I have experienced is possibly traumatic - it feels like it is nothing and I am just weak. There is also the fact that it is great source of self abuse. All of these factors and more crash and vie with each other all the time so it makes it very difficult to think rationally.

There is even the possibility that there will be many people who have not coped as well as I have but in truth I cant believe that and it offers me no comfort.

Resiliency is very difficult to understand.

It is very difficult to understand or isolate as there are so many factors involved. And someone saif to me once that our functioning can be affected in so many ways that we may not realise.

So it is kind of like judgement and more like a big sisterly feeling of "all right little buddy obviously we have a long road to walk-let's get moving!"

I guess that is fair enough. it doesnt actually sound that unkind to me. I am assuming that means you are pushing them to take steps to get batter rather than doing the "get over it already" approach.

Thank you both.

 

[Fajusof]

Progress not perfection. Moving forward is the only thing to do. You don't have to be perfect with every step. You just have to keep walking. Sometimes you fall and skin your knee. (True story) You kind of hobble home that day. And you massage it gently for a few days. Then you keep walking. Cause that is how you move forward. :)

 

[Aheg]

Self doubt is huge for me right now, I guess having come from a world where seeing and surviving the worst of the worst only to be struck down by trauma that you yourself rated as "lesser" compared to everything else you'd been through, well, yeah, that would lead to self doubt being a huge issue.

Trying to find faith in my decisions (from what type of pizza to order to what to do on my days off) is extremely difficult, especially when people who used to rely on you for those decisions still look to you and the decision is filled with responsibility.

 

[XXXXXoXXXXXX]

Cause that is how you move forward.

Thanks Fajusof! :)

Self doubt is huge for me right now

Sorry to hear that Aheg. I relate to aspects of what you say here. Especially when it comes to the past and anything linked to that.

 

[Efi]

I minimize my own traumas, while having enormous respect and sympathy for others, even if their trauma is "less" than mine.

 

[XXXXXoXXXXXX]

Sorry to hear that Efi. I do too. Its sad that we do.

 

[Inona]

To be quite honest, sometimes I will read something and think how can that possibly cause PTSD? But as soon as I think that, I remind myself that everyone handles situations differently and what traumatizes one person may not traumatize another. For example, I was raped repeatedly but do not suffer any PTSD symptoms from that (only other traumas), whereas another person could have PTSD diagnosed for that same reason.

 

[XXXXXoXXXXXX]

I was raped repeatedly but do not suffer any PTSD symptoms from that

May I ask then if you hear that someone else has been raped that you wonder how they can have PTSD? I am assuming you have no flashbacks or triggers linked to the rapes but do have them to other trauma that you experienced. Is that correct?

 

[Ukob]

When I first found this site, I was already minimising my own trauma, after being told I had C-PTSD, and I was expecting others here to judge me for not having had as much crap happen to me as them, but I found the exact opposite. People here who had been tortured as children, raped by their fathers and severely abused were telling ME that trauma is trauma and it has affected me in the way it did, and no one else has the right to judge me for that or compare.

I was stunned, and even though a part of me still minimizes my stuff at times...like today and yesterday, I like to remember those people saying that to me. It helps.

Yesterday I had a woman from work say that she gets annoyed when she hears people bitching about their parents, and judges their stuff as not being as terrible as what she and her friends have been through, and I said what the people here said to me...and tried to convey how minimizing things can make it even worse. She was sexually abused as a child and believes in reincarnation and that she actually created her experiences...which I have some trouble digesting. She is happy with her belief system though, and I can leave her to that, but I don't need to take that on.

Everyone of us is different and unique, and some people cope better with much more stuff than others do with less. I can see how that might infuriate the ones who've had more bad stuff happen, but at the same time, it does not change the fact that the other people are still suffering and may be more sensitive than they are. It's all relative.