What Do You Think About This Approach?

[Pencil]

Abby, I think you should go with what you NEED, and find a therapist who can let you do that.

 

[Hashi]

Yes, well, I feel like I ought to talk more detailed about it, but I´m not sure if I can without bursting into tears :( )

There's nothing wrong with bursting into tears. I do it all the time in therapy. I know it can feel awkward and difficult, but it's part of therapy.

I very much doubt it's her own approach. If it is, then that would be useful information to know. But I think she will be able to tell you the name/s of the approaches she uses. It's absolutely fine to ask about them.

Since it sounds like you like to do your own research, how about asking her if there are books, websites or online articles about the approach she's using, so you can understand it?

I agree with Pencil that you should go with what you need. It's not always that an approach is good or not good in itself, it can be that it doesn't suit you as an individual and won't help you (even though it might help someone else.) I do think it would be helpful to find out what your therapist is doing now, so you can evaluate it and so you're better informed for the future.

I really want to encourage you to find out more about this approach, and not simply continue while you're feeling so uncertain. It's your therapy and it needs to be right for you. Your therapist is a professional and she shouldn't be bothered by a client asking for more information. I ask my therapist if there are things I don't understand about the way she works, I think clients often ask.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This is in reply to your (the original poster's) remark about Judith Herman.

Yes, Herman's book does contain some valuable information. However, I disagree with having to re tell your story in a completely detached way in order to heal. I tried for YEARS to tell my story, but it always resulted in a bad dissociative episode. I had given up on telling my story because I thought that it would cause more harm than good.

And then I found a new program that had patients re tell their trauma through the eyes of an observer. It seems like it would be counterintuitive, but it worked! The negative emotion was largely stripped away. I was able to view my trauma with compassion and insight, neither of which was possible if I retold my story in the first person.

I don't understand the big push to re tell trauma in incredible detail, in no way detached. This can be incredibly re traumatizing. Really, we already know that it happened to us. Full immersion like that will stir up the emotions again, but the problem in doing so is that the emotions drown out the rational thinking.

I know what worked for me. And I know it could work for others. It just saddens me that it's a new and not very widespread therapeutic technique. (I've gone into detail about this program in other posts.)

 

[Hashi]

I haven't read Judith Herman, so I can't comment on that.

patients re tell their trauma through the eyes of an observer.

Hi SOL, good to see you again.

I did something like this when I first started talking in therapy, in that I said everything as "her" and "she". My therapist thinks this is good because it's a type of dual awareness, a way to talk about it while reinforcing for myself that it was in the past and I'm in the present. She also thinks it allows compassion and a different perspective.

I've followed a different path overall, but I was interested in you saying that.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

Abby, I know this a relatively old post, but I just wanted to let you know that I completely agree with you. I also do not feel like I am helped at all by being told to replace a real image with a fake one. That's just not how my mind works. My mind will always snap back to reality, so reality is what I need to deal with. I too believe that I am helped most when able to detail my experience - exactly as it happened, without any fabricated nonsense - to someone who will be supportive. I dont know why it helps, but it does (for me, not for everyone). I always felt that being told to replace the image is akin to being told to "just forget about it". Some people just need to deal with things exactly as they are. Any therapist should be able to understand and respect that.

Your original post was from a couple of months back, so hopefully, it has all been worked out by now, but if this has not yet been resolved with your therapist, then maybe look for someone who will be able to help you in a way that feels right to you. You have to do what is best for you! If your therapist doesnt offer what you need, then you have every right to go find someone who does. And while image replacement may be the perfect treatment for some people, for others it just feels like a rediculous substitution for a treatment. It all comes down to what you need, what you want, and what will actually help you.

 

[Hashi]

I also do not feel like I am helped at all by being told to replace a real image with a fake one.

The way you put this made me think of something else.

In my case, replacing the real image with a fake one was what I did at the time. I had selective amnesia and didn't remember anything about what happened. My mind made up a different version of events. I saw myself without any of the visible signs of injury - these were obvious to other people, who talked to me about them, but I literally couldn't see them.

I know that was a protective mechanism, and it was necessary for some time. Now, it's important to undo that, to actually see and accept reality. When I do trauma work, part of me very strongly wants to make it untrue all over again and come up with a different version of events. I need to do the opposite.

I do understand the idea of image replacement. I do a lot of visualisation. My therapist and I have talked about working with different imagery for what happened, but only after the work I need to do on it facing and processing it, and then only in a highly symbolic way. I know I need to let reality be reality first.

 

[Abstract]

I relate to that too. To what both of you said. I guess that is why my instincts were to question it. For me anyway.

I too would like to know how you are doing.

 

[zaniara]

She does this in asking, what would you have needed? What would have been better?

(I know this was posted a while ago, but I read it just now, and I want to answer it since I really can relate to what you are feeling!)

My therapist did this too. He stopped me and said exactly those words(I guess they learn them in their training?). And I felt like you did, "unheard". Not seen. And interrupted just as I was trying to summon up the courage to actually tell someone what happened. And in that try to connect to it emotionally, contrary to "numb out" and avoid or make up other reality's. I assumed that he didn't want to hear any details, and that he was repelled by it all(and that he found it all too revolting or such). Finally I found the courage to confront him with this.. And he explained it all to me. It's to make sure that I don't get overwhelmed, since telling too much details can make me dissociate and make to much memories come up at the same time, it's not that he doesn't want or is able to hear me out.

He told me that there are different ways of working with trauma, and he uses at least 3 different ways, and one is the narrative way where you actually do "speak about it" more. Now we are alternating between those different ways(sometimes I need to tell him about some memory; but I rarely do tell him all of the details, since I can't do it even if I try my hardest); and I'm stronger now, not dissociating as much as I did before and I'm not as unstable now as I was then(and he saw and countered with "holding me back"), so now I can cope with telling more details. But now I don't feel the need to tell much details(we are using EMDR among other tools, so when we are using that I can somewhat avoid telling anything at all, if I want to). Now it's him encouraging me to tell him more openly about what I remember, as opposed to just going silent and withdrawing(or "acting out" in strange ways without words).

Maybe your therapist too can give you an explanation to why she say the things she say if you ask her about it? And maybe she too have different ways of working, and is able to meet you where you are and adjust to what you need? Do try to be brave enough to ask her, since neither of us here can solve this thing for you. - But those question.. OH!! I find them so hard!! (And he still is asking me those questions, time and time again..) But I guess that's because I still have trouble understanding what I feel and need, or connecting to those needs in me- since I've "coped on my own" for so long..

How are you doing now? How's things working out with your therapist now? I hope it's all been resolved already. :)

 

[zaniara]

I too believe that I am helped most when able to detail my experience - exactly as it happened, without any fabricated nonsense - to someone who will be supportive.

This would be the narrative way of working with traumas, and it don't need to exclude that one work with other methods too. :) - But as I explained above I'm more capable of talking about my traumas without having flashbacks or numbing out now than I was before..

It all comes down to what you need, what you want, and what will actually help you.

Amen to that. :) But I find that quite difficult- to KNOW what I want, need and what will actually help me. Part of my problem. And I do need to trust the therapist sometimes to know "better" than me what will actually help- since my own way of tackling things haven't really worked. (I have struggled with this and fought against my therapist sometimes, and he told me at one point that I decide what I want to work with, and he control the methods, since he is the one who is the expert at those. :D :D :D ) So I think it's a 'relational thing' in therapy, with a good therapist, to find the way forward. A "co-operation-thing", and therefor communication is what it's all about. :) (The HARD part for people like me..)