What Do Your Neighbors Think About You?

[Nicolette]

I haven't been following this thread but feel compelled to say I hate having anything to do with neighbours. I grew up with our next door neighbour being in our house every day and I could not stand the intrustion. Admittedly Anthony and I met after he moved in next door (due to our sons) but I still have little to do with any neighbour. Don't even want to go there.

 

[GodSeeker]

Thanks to your replies. At least this is an issue we share and thank you María for your advice and I also think that is nearly impossible to change people's opinion but it is very painful (to me at least) to stand certain situations where I am being judged from the outside...It is very easy to judge, it is even the easiest thing to do. It is part of a mental laziness but I guess it has always been so.
Maybe lacking personal objective, not having one's mind focused (which is my case) one one's activities is the chief reason for giving so much importance to such a common thing.

 

[NarcSis]

Godseeker,

I am sorry that you are sad, it is the toughest place to look out from and try to grasp onto the positives. You have to keep trying to see the positive though, don't give up on that fight. Trauma destroys your confidence, in yourself and everything around you. Trauma creates mistrust. Being judged happens all the time, it happened before your trauma, it will always happen as long as everyone on this earth remains human.

When we are 'destroyed' after out trauma, judgement hurts all that much more, we dwell on it perhaps far more than we would have 'normally' and we then judge ourselves harshly. You are not a wierd person, if YOU believe this, than it shouldn't matter what others may say about you. When we are traumatized we tend to believe the worst about ourselves - its a form of punishing ourselves, we do not believe we are worth anything, thus we tend to plant these beliefs in the minds of others as well. I've done it. I've been there. I would have rather died than face my coworkers after my trauma, now, I don't really care what they may think of me, the fact is, that I am doing what I need to do for me...the only important person right now.

You are the only important person in this world right now and you need to heal. To H*** with everyone else and their beliefs. The only beliefs that are truly important right now are those that you have about yourself, take a good honest look at them, if you find something that makes you sad, then work to change that belief. You ARE worthy. You ARE valuable. You ARE not wierd.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Monarch]

Yeah, I am in a period right now where I feel like I am the weird person but it is winter here and cold so people don't go out as much anyways. Our neighborhood is one of those that you all would hate and sometimes it gets to me too and I get pissed and tell people I am not feeling well and they go away. sometimes in the summer I will get home and there will be 10 kids in our yard or in front of the house skateboarding or biking. Funny, for an Autistic kid my son is very popular. I go walk the dog in the park and put on my ipod and it doesn't matter, someone will stop and want to chat. I try to act like I am working out and keep going, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Truthfully, our house is open to anyone most of the time and if I am not in the mood then i am just not feeling well and they get the hint and go away. I do have one neighbor friend who calls me all the time to do rediculous things like help her wrap presents or hangout with her and clean like I don't have my own chores to do and have the time to help her..ugh that is driving me nuts but she is newly divorced and lonely so I feel obligated.

 

[GodSeeker]

Medic72,
Thank you for your support. What you relate in your post is exactly what is happening to me. I think of myself as the worst person ever...I could name a lot of bad adjectives which I call myself by but I wont. These believes are very strong and very difficult to resist. They involve my self. I know by experience that negating them is not the best way to solve this issue. It is a vicious circle: When you think of yourself as bad, you act accordingly to this belief-without you ever know it- which in turn induce people to think of you as bad and finally this reinforce the belief you already hold in your mind.
How to break this cycle? I guess I should make breaks and meditate upon.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi GodSeeker,

Don't feel badly (for long).

It may help immensely to look up resources here on improving your self-worth and self-esteem- they have exercises/ things to do. That (will) give you a more accurate persepective on yourself, and make you feel better. "God" doesn't make junk.

As for the neighbours, -pardon my language, but 'screw 'em'. Half the time people don't know what conclusion they are drawing, and 99% of the time it's only in relation to themself.

Take courage, you sound from your support of people here like you have (very) many wonderful qualities.

 

[tah]

I just wanted to say that I do not live alone. I have three children and my husband and family close by. Yet I feel alone. I do not talk to my neighbors. Never really have. I will say hi, wave, smile, then walk quickly in my home or car like I am always in a hurry. I am always overly concerned about what they are saying about me. I am so afraid they are or will say horrible things about me so I isolate myself. I keep saying to myself how great it would be if I was one of those people who could make friends easily and talk to people. I just can't bring myself to do it. I am afraid they will think I am wierd like everyone else throughout my life.