What Does A Flashback Feel Like In Dissociative Ptsd?

[Tinyflame]

Aw dear @pixel , thank you, but that gives me too much credit, survived some things by grace but neither gracefully nor in one piece. :( Welcome to you, however, & thank you. :) :hug: (if ok).

Came back to add, it's not just fear I feel- the fear I feel after I realize OMG WTF Where am I? What have I done? Who/ what is here? :nailbiting::nailbiting::nailbiting::eek::(:cry: , & the FB is over. However, I also feel whatever I felt then- horror, shock - whatever applied. I also don't just relive it, I remember it (as having occurred= a memory, it's familiar?- don't know the word), clearly but I 'see' new details & I presume can 'feel' what I actually felt then with the FB.

If the FB is something (a memory) I remember routinely (they aren't always until I have the FB), a big part of the 'new info' is 'feeling' emotions I'd never have considered I felt when it occurred. Even if I remembered the 'facts' I never acknowledged the feelings/ emotions. I'm usually pretty surprised I felt that (then).

Once I recover from the FB I'm glad in the longer run for the new info, no matter how harrowing. Sometimes I can feel a bit of self-compassion. With so-called 'emotional FB's' , it takes days, weeks or months though, to figure out the triggers. Sometimes I can't quite. I never believed they existed until I started to find pieces of the puzzle. They're hrder to grasp because they come bck to bigger things for me, I think, like abandonment etc. Maybe the end result of multiple memories combined.

Come to think of it, I've never had the exact same FB twice. Sometimes close, but more like from a different angle. One thing though, the memories I don't normally recall, after a FB involving one, I remember thinking I'll never forget, but I did. Almost like a dream if I don't write it down somewhere I won't be able to recall it or what I felt. But if I write it down both stay clear. But I do recognize the content of the FB immeditely when 're-living' it (as it were) or re-experiencing it in the form of a FB. But there are more details + emotions.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

This has me thinking . I wonder if dissociative moments are brought on by FBs?
Like where I suddenly feel so uncoordinated I recognize nothing around me and yet I'm on my street. Or I get lost while driving not because I forget to use my phone GPS because I am unaware of the option. By the time I'm more aware and usually good and lost, I pull over and set the GPS.
What was triggered (remembered) by a part that "Me" is unaware of. Do parts have FBs? Is it what brings them to come to the forefront?

 

[Dissociated1]

I will do my best to address each of your questions, AliceInWonderland:
-I wonder if dissociative moments are brought on by FBs?
It is possible to dissociate during flashbacks but dissociation is completely independent of flashbacks.

-What was triggered (remembered) by a part that "Me" is unaware of
The feelings or emotions of trauma contained in an alter (The "trigger" is the cause of the actual flashback).

-Do parts have FBs?
Yes. In the early stages of my recovery, I was never coconscious of the memories or emotions my alter was experiencing in a flashback. These days I am often at least partially coconscious and the severity of my actual flashbacks has deceased tremendously.

-Is it what brings them to come to the forefront?
No. Alters come to front because they are triggered, or as with the two alters I have who are self aware, they can come to front because they want to.

 

[steel]

I have only had one full-on visual FB. It came out of nowhere while I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend and my face must have registered it because she was concerned. It had to do with violent trauma that I had suffered close to that time period (30+ years ago) and it was as if it where happening right there. My heart was pounding and there was a shortness of breath.

What I have now are only what I can call emotional FB's brought on by my present relationship. The deeper I go, the more frighted I become and if there is anything that feels unsafe or even mildly out of control I immediately "fight" and then "flight". The adrenaline is pumping and the emotional pain is intense and then I start to dissociate to the point where I can disappear for days at a time. In this state, I am fatigued, cannot handle any outside stimulation and not very grounded in reality. I try to do things that put me in my head and go into what I call "rain man" mode and find repetitive things that sooth me as a way of medicating myself. It can be quite debilitating. It may take a week or two for me to figure out what happened and what the trigger (triggers - real or imagined) were.