What Does Isolating Look Like In Your Relationship?

[Lucycat]

Oh, and if Rory asked me if I were Isolating he would get a similar reaction to if he asked me if I was suffering from Pre Menstrual Tension! It would not be an honest or helpful answer I can assure you.:mad:

 

[MissMacD]

There is a healthy limit of isolation. When I feel cranky I go and be a grump by myself - that's usually a sign that I need to isolate myself for a bit.

 

[Changing4Best]

When I isolate, I DON'T FEEL LIKE going out, I feel heavy and burdened. I live alone, so I am isolated to begin with. However, when folks go out of their way to ignore me, not answer when I speak to them (neighbors in this apartment building) my feelings are hurt and then I isolate more.

My best friend is going through that time when her mother is exptremely ill and is expected to die soon. It must be an AWFUL time! I know when my mother was going through this, it was awful, so I can just imagine. Though mom and I always talked on the phone every day or two for years (and emailed every day), during that time I just could not bring myself to call or email her, nor did she call or email me. I did make arrangements to visit her though, but then she died before my plane reservation came to be. I had made the reservation for well within the time she was supposed to live, but she died months before the doctors predicted she would. I wanted to see her, to HUG, but I don't think either of us wanted to email or talk.

Anyway, back to my best friend, though we used to email every day, she often does not reply to my emails now. She's out of phone minutes... She does want to see me and hug though. I see similarities here, obviously!

 

[Abstract]

I personally would react OK to being asked if I am isolating if it was not said in anger or control or manipulation and was a genuine question. I actually think its fair enough. The problem is that giving any information at all when one feels like this is very destabilising and feels threatening. So anything given is at our own expense but again I think that is fair enough to an extent.

I am not good at speaking about this stuff and have not been able to tell my husband about the PTSD or the therapy but I do try to do all I can to help him know it isn't him and is me.

It is in no way at all an attempt to control him and is rather me trying to stay in control of myself and deal with overwhelm whilst impacting others as little as I can.

I can't sleep in beds or bedrooms and when I am bad struggle to show any affection and my voice is flat.

 

[Bilby]

My sufferer immerses himself in other things, almost anything it seems, in order to avoid interacting. He will go to bed and sleep, read books, watch ABC News 24 (I loathe it), or stick his head in his laptop which is in another room. If I ask him what he's up to, he'll either not respond, will say "just watching something" or "looking something up" and that's it - and that's if he doesn't become agitated by me saying something. It's at these times that he becomes most agitated by the kids trying to interact or being noisy etc.

 

[Changing4Best]

I find it extremely difficult to initiate conversation(s) with a fellow and I am bashful to speak up unless others speak to me first. My biggest step over this recently was to give a Christmas card to a fellow at church who I'd love to get together with. He's single, I'm a widow, there is hope. He's always kind to me, but someone has to take the first step(s).

Back in the day when I was in highschool and jr high, I got rammed for calling my boyfriend once. He told me it was his job to call me, not mine to call him. He never called again. Another time, I called and called this other fellow and he did not return my calls, yet we were supposedly dating. After both these experiences, as you might well imagine, it is very hard for me to step out of my shell and make any moves at all!

I just remembered all this now. It was buried deeply. Maybe there is hope for me (and this fellow) yet! Then again, if he is old school in his thinking, and he never takes the first step, any relationship is doomed before it even starts if I don't take the first step(s).

 

[rightkindofme]

I "go on vacation". Usually what that means is I spend a week or so watching all of The West Wing or I reread all of Harry Potter or something similar. Then I'm ready to come back to the real world.

I hit periods of over stressed where I have to shut down input.

I am still affectionate with my husband in passing though. I'm pretty desperate to make sure he doesn't want to leave me. It's not more healthy.

 

[TLight]

I don't isolate to control or manipulate others. I do it cause I absolutely have to for self care. An hour of ordinary life around others is extremely stressful for me.

And yes, sometimes it's just too much even to respond to a simple question from my husband.

 

[Bilby]

Just putting this out there - how do sufferers prefer their supporters to respond/react under these circumstances? What is the best thing that helps you at this time, in relation to your supporter?

I am asking as I genuinely find it really hard when my sufferer does this. I have reacted badly to it in the past and I can see that what I did was wrong, but it makes me feel isolated too when that's not what I had wanted or needed at that moment (I'm not trying to be selfish here, it's just that sometimes I feel that the world becomes about PTSD and I feel forced into my own area of isolation because of it and it's not necessarily a good thing at all for me).

I hope this has come out the right way...

 

[MissMacD]

I don't isolate to control or manipulate others. I do it cause I absolutely have to for self care.

For me, I didn't learn self care because I lacked healthy people in my life. The lack of self care left me very worn down most of the time and frankly unable to do much of anything. It isn't until recently that I've begun to embrace the idea of self care which to some others may look like isolation. I am a loner and if I don't get my alone time I get very crabby. I will not deny myself of that time because I know that I need it in order to thrive.

 

[Tinyflame]

Were it me Bilby, I would appreciate being told what was being asked or desired or expected of me, and how the other person felt. It might not make me capable of accomplishing it, but if it's respectful and caring dialogue, that's fair. Because I think you're right- ptsd does consume too much, and sometimes the start of the best remedy is to try to do something different when tempted to do otherwise (which is a lot more possible with support). But it's up to the ptsd-person to try. But that's just what I'd prefer, personally. Sometimes at the core is fear. Overwhelm.

 

[TLight]

I think that's good advice Junebug.