What does it mean to do well for you?

joeylittle

Administrator
Couple of things stand out to me, here:

Like I said who wakes up in the morning wanting to do "bad".
I think what you are asking is: Who wakes up in the morning truly wanting to feel shitty. Wanting to be in pain. Wanting to suffer. Is that what you mean by "wanting to do bad"?

As opposed to, say, wanting to commit crimes against humanity..your meaning is "wanting to do feel badly"

To that I would say, mostly yes - I don't ever wake up in the morning with a desire to feel sad, hopeless, alone, exhausted, broken, desperate, angry, destructive...I don't want to feel like I'm at the end of my rope. But sometimes, I do. And when I feel that way, I'd say - It's a hard day today. If I can get through one minute, one hour at a time - and not grind to a halt, or give up, or hurt someone, or hurt myself - then that'll be a hard day handled to the best of my capacity.

But - All this is predicated on three things:

(1) My ability to feel.
There are some mental health conditions with a diagnosis that depends on a person's inability to feel. Sometimes to feel certain things, and sometimes to feel anything at all. Do those people wake up wanting to feel badly? For them, the question is completely irrelevant. And for those of them that are sociopaths...taking their feelings into account is a fool's errand. It doesn't matter how they ended up as they are - it's extremely likely that they never suffered at all.

Not every dangerous person is a sociopath. But every sociopath is - whether now, or later - a very dangerous person.

(2) My concept of what feeling better means.
I have an idea that there's something that feels less-bad, and even if I've not felt it: I can conceptualize it, which means I can struggle my way towards it. But I don't believe that all people can innately do this. One's life circumstances will play a big role, and children are especially vulnerable to this - to having absolutely no concept of a "feeling better", they just know "feeling bad" as a state of being. It's possible to have lived a life where that's it, that's all you know. And so, your actions are dictated by feeling badly, because feeling badly is equal to feeling normal. These people probably have the capacity to develop a sense of well-being, but it will be extremely difficult. They don't fit into your model, but they do deserve some recognition.

(3) My recognition of right and wrong, and my cultivated desire to do more right than wrong.
I just can't agree that everyone is trying their best. It's just factually not true. Killing people can't be 'doing your best' - because 'best' means, trying to do right. Committing deliberate and willful violence against another person - that's not a person doing their best, that's a person giving into their worst. It's a person who has not cultivated a desire to do more right than wrong. Even a serial sexual predator - you could pin a great deal on the notions of mental illness, abuse history, compulsion, lack of nurturing, etc. But unless they bio-mechanically cannot have feelings, or they have absolutely no benchmark for feeling 'better' - they feel badly no matter what they do - then, they are capable of cultivating a desire to do more right than wrong. And that means, they can be held accountable for their actions - whether they are sick or not.

Deliberately causing harm cannot be "doing one's best". It is, in fact, trying to feel differently by doing things that are harmful.

(Or, for the sociopath - it is simply "being" and "doing")

One thing I notice is this: In US/Canada we do not even have children begging on the street...we are that good. We do not even have stray dogs!!! that is a new level. Yet many parts in the world there are hungry, homeless stray children.
I'm glad you clarified that you meant Canada, not US/Canada. Because in the US we do have stray dogs, stray children - young children, not just teenagers. We have an extremely broken child welfare system that often hurts much more than it helps. By "hurts", I mean there is physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation, withholding of food and shelter...it's pretty awful, honestly. I can't speak for other quote-unquote "developed" nations. And the "under-developed" nations, yes, they have horrible problems too. Terrible, terrible problems, and it's not really possible - or useful - to compare.

I get what you're trying to say @rusty_maestro. Personally, I think it's square-peg round-hole to try and put everyone under that same umbrella. But I do think -for people who meet those three criteria I outlined, and I'd count myself among them - yes, I don't want to feel bad. And that's a VERY useful thing to remember, at times when all you can do is try for the bare minimum and feel like you fail....you're still trying, in some small way, to survive.
 
I can't believe the bullshit I'm reading from you, @rusty_maestro. Just utter, utter bullshit.

You do not get to decide who is or isn't doing well and who is or isn't having good or bad days. And most especially you do not get to tell other members that their abusers "did well" to rape them. What an appalling (and incorrect) statement. It's going to be hard to come back from that, dude.
From working in the heath field, what I have seen, is people who were charged with sexual assault had either low IQ, foetal alcohol syndrom, brain injury or something affecting their capacity to reason.
This is entirely bullshit. There are plenty of people who you're entirely glossing over who have none of those things yet still rape people. Just because you don't have personal experience with such people doesn't mean they don't exist.

My abuser didn't have a low IQ and wasn't dropped on her head or have FAS or any of the other reasons you use to excuse abusers. My abuser, actually, currently decodes computer viruses for a living. My abuser was, in fact, abused herself. She did indeed have some very bad days because of it. But she made the choice to abuse me based on her own abuse. I have not done the same.
Judge the behavior not the person.
This is also bullshit. I'm glad you've ascended to a higher plane, but I'm going to judge the hell out of my abuser. I'm going to judge the hell out of your abuser. And you're not going to do very well here by telling other people how to feel or act towards their abusers.

Doing well, for me, means not trying to tell other people about their own pain. Sad that you can't say the same.
 
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