What does it mean to do well for you?

Friday

Moderator
I organise my life differently, than you do @rusty_maestro

I have 2 broadly defined areas “doing well” & “doing badly” in regards to PTSD, and then each of those areas has a fairly broad spectrum of how-well & how-badly. I can be doing waaaaaaaay better... which is certainly cause for celebration, and still be doing quite badly. Doing better doesn’t mean I’m doing well.

Same token? I can have bad days when I’m doing well, and good days when I’m doing badly. Or moments. Or episodes. None of which changes which side of the equation I’m operating out of.

Whilst that can sometimes be difficult to quantify in a psych sense? I’ve also had some times in my life that I’m profoundly sick or injured. Having a great day, or even doing quite well? Doesn’t mean that I’m not still sick/injured. It means that I’m not having 3 heart attacks in the hallway of the hospital just trying to walk 10 feet, (like I will tomorrow, and did two weeks prior) but actually manage a whole loop around the nurses desk unaided. After having slowly worked my way up to it, after my last misadventure. That I’m fishing out on the floor tomorrow, surrounded by staff & a crash cart? Doesn’t mean that I’m not doing sooooo much better than I was 3 months ago, when I was flown in. My progress is actually brilliant. But there still both expected and surprise setbacks that crop up. Doing brilliantly, medically speaking? Doesn’t mean I’m even in the same universe as when I could hike 1500 miles carrying 80kg. It’s very much a relative state of affairs. (I DID get back into that level of physical conditioning, by the by. Took about 2 years. Roughly 6mo under medical supervision.) The first time my care was downgraded took a few weeks, until I was stable enough to be moved/flown to a specialist center. But doing so much better didn’t mean I was well, even if I was doing really really well, to not die on them. And on, and on. Each time my care level changed, because I was doing so much better? Didn’t mean I was actually better. I’d simply entered a new level of less f*cked up.

Somewhere on the site I have a few running lists of when I’m doing well -vs- when I’m doing badly. They were super important to me in the beginning / when I first came here, because I was moving very swiftly from one end of the spectrum to the other... and I needed Mile-Markers. Things to help me figure out where I was, where I was heading, and how to get back. Those lists will probably become important to me, again, once I start moving again.

To be clear... I’m not saying that the way I organize my life is any sort of standard for anyone else to apply. It’s just my own thing. Which is different from yours, is all.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I meant the exact same. Not specific ages, but clearly children. Just to be clear.

The idea that it doesn't exist in western cultures is insane to me.
I agree. I don't know about Canada but America certainly has homeless people and children begging for food. I'm not ganging up on anyone. Just my 2 cents.
 

rusty_maestro

Confident
Having a great day, or even doing quite well? Doesn’t mean that I’m not still sick/injured.
That's the point im trying to illustrate here. Does doing well/good/great means the absence of struggles. I don't think so, that would be delusional. Like I said who wakes up in the morning wanting to do "bad". I put my best forward everyday. Some days I don't get the desired outcome I was hoping for but I still feel I have put my best forward. Half full or half empty?
 

Friday

Moderator
Putting On My Mod Hat

Let’s keep this thread on-topic, people! :)


The nature of how-well is society doing // contrast&compare // to how well you yourself are doing in that society, is a natural off-shoot, and likely to be found in many posts, and that’s totally fine.

HOWEVER the topic at hand is What Does It Mean To Do Well For You?

If someone wants to focus purely on society? Or how society affects yourself/others? Or how society affects/shapes trauma & PTSD? Or what a society doing well or badly looks like? -Et cetera- Please start a new thread. THIS thread is about you. About what doing well means to you.
 

rusty_maestro

Confident
@rusty_maestro I think you lost your point when you said that bellbirds rapist was doing his best tbh. So how does that work?

Oops cross posted with Friday. Sorry.
From working in the heath field, what I have seen, is people who were charged with sexual assault had either low IQ, foetal alcohol syndrom, brain injury or something affecting their capacity to reason. Judge the behavior not the person. The behavior is very wrong, not impressive, repulsive, hurtful etc. and it's not okay. But that person with FAS was sadly the best they could do cause they didnt have the ability to reason otherwise. It's in that sense that im saying doing their best. If you compare it with someone with a fully functional brain you would say it's not great, but then you are comparing apples to oranges.

Same with us with PTSD. If I compare myself with who I was two years ago I could say my daily performance right now is not impressive, it's bad, but how is that helping me? I'm trying to complete a course and it's like moving through molasse. Two years ago I would have had that done in no time but I didn't have to contend with PTSD back then, now I do. Instead of reading the whole book in one day now I read one chapter, one page, but everyday I know I give the best I have. I cannot give what I do not have. If today it's one page, then one page it is. If at the end of the day I feel I could have done more, then tomorrow I will do better, if it's still there. Doing well for me in that case is giving myself permission not to perform and respect my limits.
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
From working in the heath field, what I have seen, is people who were charged with sexual assault had either low IQ, foetal alcohol syndrom, brain injury or something affecting their capacity to reason. Judge the behavior not the person. The behavior is very wrong, not impressive, repulsive, hurtful etc. and it's not okay. But that person with FAS was sadly the best they could do cause they didnt have the ability to reason otherwise. It's in that sense that im saying doing their best. If you compare it with someone with a fully functional brain you would say it's not great, but then you are comparing apples to oranges.
I feel like I'm doing well in myself when I can recognise that this statement is bullshit, and actually has no basis in reality. When I can read this comment and realise it's so full of shit that it's not even worth my time giving it brain energy. When I can realise that it actually doesn't matter what is happening in a rapists life, if they rape me, they raped me, and their personal circumstances do not matter.

I am happy to be in a place where I have been raped by Sudanese refugees, can understand the background the came from, and can still realise, it's their f*cking problem.

Edit: it sounds like I'm being a dick. But srsly. My lack of self blame right now actual does answer the question
 
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bellbird

Sponsor
people who were charged with sexual assault had either low IQ, foetal alcohol syndrom, brain injury or something affecting their capacity to reason.
My rapist had a career dependent on his capacity to reason.

He had an IQ high enough to get into Mensa.
He did not have FAS.
He did not have a brain injury.

He had a fully functional brain.
He was completely capable of reason.
He was completely capable of making decisions.

He was NOT doing his best when he raped me.
 

mumstheword

MyPTSD Pro
If you are talking about having self compassion? Even though you aren't functioning great right now?

I get it.

My best, at the moment, means slowing right down to focus on getting well. Meeting my children's needs, by being much more present than I was able to, in the past, when I was much more ill and in survival mode and I didn't have support.

But saying "everyone is doing their best" and there aren't "bad people" renders "doing ones best" kinda meaningless and
Ignores the fact that there are some really sicko evil people.

There wouldn't be human
trafficking if that were the case. There wouldn't be such a thing as Adrenochrome. Nor kiddy porn.There wouldn't be such a thing as Epstein Island. There would be no MS13. They aren't doing "best". They are doing super selfish and harmful stuff. Beyond belief harmful and sicko and evil stuff.

They are probably psychopaths, so it that way, yeah, they have something missing. Not necessarily low IQ but lacking capacity to feel empathy.

Also, Bill Gates, from my perspective is So. Not. a good guy. He is a eugenicist. He admits it in his TedX Talk. Robert Kennedy Jr. has done a big expose of his crimes against Indian and African women and children.

He (Bill Gates) is a part of the agenda 21 crew. If you don't know what that is, you might want to do some research.

But, I don't expect you to take my word or anything. I encourage independent and thorough research, not just relying on mainstream news to tell you the truth about things.

They, many corporate news outlets, are not doing their best, or maybe they are doing their best to mislead, frighten and disempower the public. Bill Gates is no scientist, no health expert, but keeps being put up as an expert on vaccinations and pandemics. Did you ever stop to think about what his agenda is?
Watch his Ted talk and if you pay attention you will see what I'm talking about.
 
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