What does it mean to trust?

[EveHarrington]

What does it mean to trust someone?

What does trust look like?

How does trust play out in relationships?

Sorry if this is confusing. I’m dissociated AF and just want to reach out for feedback and help and ideas. Today’s therapy session kinda blew the lid off of what I thought it means to trust, in a now I’m doubting reality kind of way, so yeah, it’s scary.

Thank you.

 

[Kubash16]

I’m sorry for whatever happened :hug:

For me trust looks like knowing that person is secure with you, they are honest with themselves and you that they are happy where they are.

It means knowing that if you fall/have a breakdown they may not like the behavior but they aren’t going to turn their back on you for it.

It means knowing that they are being honest with you about how they really feel.

It means not having to guess at anything because they are already open with you.

 

[Orangesfrompears]

Trust for me (supporter) means that I can predict how someone will behave towards me. That I know for sure they will be kind and loving and if not then authentic to their feelings and mine. Anyone else can get the f*ck away ?

 

[knuckles]

I have wondered about this myself (left it again though).

In a previous post I tried to put into words what trust looked like to me, but what I wrote didn't really make any sense. It was something about knowing people had good intentions - but it spinned into something about caring only about their own agendas and not following through on statements about their intentions. It surely didn't sound very trust-like when I read it, but it was a far as I could follow that thought at that time.

Will be following this post to see what others can come up with. Reading the above posts Kubash's words

It means knowing that they are being honest with you...

stands out to me. Makes me think that if I want to ponder this more at some point, that statement might take me deeper.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m still dissociated to a degree, almost 2 days now :-/

My boyfriend says that he trusts me. I was confused as I can be so unpredictable. He can see through the disorder and knows I am never malicious in my actions, it’s all fear based. He knows that I care about him, love him, and want the best for him. I even gave him some tough love yesterday knowing that he could be hella pissed at me but it was something that needed to be said. I think he appreciated that I would risk him being mad at me as it was something that could actually help him, a wake up call. Anyway...

I thought I trusted people but I realize in many ways I don’t. I really need to work on it because I can’t keep going on like this.

It’s something that I can’t understand. I honestly TRY but my brain just won’t budge. I’m working on it though and focusing on the things that may push me in the right direction.

 

[knuckles]

My boyfriend says that he trusts me.

Have you asked him what this trust in you looks like to him?

 

[grit]

At the end of day just like you would not expect a person with no legs to walk and not use a wheelchair, you have to accept yourself as you are not as others are or should be.

As far as trust goes for me to say the least, I never trusted my mother, even as a child, as a baby, my animalistic instincts kicked in that I developed dissociation and ptsd to survive. So I never learned trust in the most basic way but here I am and can 100% confidently say I have trust and love in my marriage so which one is it?

but yet, I do not feel particularly trust in therapy or any therapist and then I learned this wonderful thing:

Trusting I never learned trust and I am who I am and accepting my way of trusting is good enough for me is ENOUGH!

It is like this: everybody (well almost every adult) may have sex but not the same way so trust is like that. As long as I am not paranoid or suspicious or wasting mental energy about what and who, I am trusting at basic level. I do not know how you trust or anyone but I know I trust and my trust may look weird to you anyone else but it is mine.

I feel sometimes what makes us crazy or keeps in the loops is we have this notion that there is only way to do something and if it is not that way, we are not good. I no longer believe that.

so in essence, if your b/f says he trusts you and you think yourself you are unpredictable, you gotta allow him to have that trust...maybe your in-predictability is his kind of trust. Maybe if you were too predictable, that would not work for him...I do not know.

I think how you are saying you are not in touch with reality, tells me you are becoming too much in touch with reality and the reality is ambivalent and crazy and one of the biggest thing in PTSD is wanting control and predictability or even strong belief in in-predictability.

From the way you are typing lately or the topics you are choosing, to me (again my own perception of you) you are becoming more in touch in the shared reality...but that is again my take on you.
That is my conscious streaming for the day...(-;

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

This is a tricky one isn’t it when you haven’t had secure attachments growing up...

From my perspective trust is a commodity, it has value and that value goes up or down depending on the transactions between individuals.

I’ve found a few things out that help guide me:

1) I cannot trust another if I cannot trust my own good enough judgement
2) Within Discerned and safe relationship’s ‘Trust tests’ are opportunities for key developmental milestones to be healed
3) Mutual honesty is vital, it’s especially important to be authentically me
4) I’m in control of who I trust or don’t trust. I don’t have to trust anyone but there are people I am willing to trust in order for the relationship to blossom.
5) There is risk in trusting - being discerned, patient and gradual are qualities I inhabit to assist the limitation of risk. How do I risk trusting while knowing I can be hurt? Courage, a willingness to be vulnerable if only ever so slightly at first whilst knowing sometimes I willl be hurt but I’d rather have relationships that fail a few times than not have any relationship that were fulfilling.

Guaranteed I’m constantly trying to apply all this and then I fall off the track and become rather isolated for a little while but slowly I am bouncing back quicker and reaching out to others more. Slowly does it.

 

[katz]

Someone who loves me for who I am - not what I can do for them.

 

[EveHarrington]

How do you balance overall trustworthiness with “oh fck you let me down at the worst possible time in the worst possible way”...?

I’m just numb/dissociated.

I don’t want to come out. I can’t handle that pain.

 

[Tinyflame]

Idk @EveHarrington but I do think, trust is the same as love, or perseverance, or a lot of other very difficult actions and decisions, it takes a daily commitment.

And to also remember being let down is different than being betrayed, and it is different (sometimes) than being triggered. And allowing room for 'human-ness' and not understanding.

I can’t handle that pain.

That is I think both the risk and complicated by the pain of fear. :(

Hope you feel better , maybe you'll be able to talk about it. :hug:

 

[Ronin]

Trust to me is if I can rely on them / their words and actions syncing with reality.

Letdowns? I would think if that just happened, or they actually tried for it / went for bringing me down, and how much. Might have been a bad timing, not all on them. Might have been a betrayal and crossing intentionally, a different thing.