What If It's Not In The Past? Chronic Stress Factors

[Dana1010]

I know it's normal for people with PTSD to feel as if past traumas are still fresh, or when triggered, even occuring in real time. But what about those things that literally are happening in the present?

My parents gave me more than a bad childhood. They saddled me with horrible things that I can never change -- not just memories, missed chances, or emotional damage. I mean gifts that keep on giving. And giving. And giving.

Anyone with PTSD knows how annoying it is to be told to "move on." But at least that is technically possible if not probable for traumas that happened in the past. Who here is living with chronic realities that they can't alter? You can't forget them, you can't flush them out with therapy, you can't change them with practice or prayer. What do you do?

 

[expectingbetter]

I am actually in the same situation.

I am in currently unchangeable very toxic environment in what is supposed to be my home.

I know exactly about what you are talking about. And it is incredibly hard even to think about the healing when you have your spirit being broken every single day.

It is the vicious circle - I have to heal enough to be able to change my terrible current position and I can't heal at all while living in circumstances like this.
I am battling this battle for couple of years now.

I haven't found the solution apart from trying badly to be as firm as I can be so to lessen the number of step backwards so I can actually manage to move at least for a bit in a good direction.

I rely a lot on the support while doing it, and I have found that support only less than a year ago when I have found this site and when I have found my current therapist, earlier I was all on my own so I guess now I have some chances.

I just try to minimize break downs.

 

[Eagle3]

I'm in the same position. Right now my T is very concerned about my current ability to cope with having to move back into my parents' house (super trigger, on so many levels!!). I still have to deal with lots of daily stressors and triggers, and have been suicidal this past week. Better today, but its taken a lot of effort. Like expectingbetter said, I'm having to set stricter boundaries so I can minimize the effects of this situation. Not making much progress as far as healing, but right now the name of the game is "stable".

Good luck, hope you find a calm sanctuary in your storm.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am left with scarred and burned vagina, urithrea, all reproductive organs and my uterus is sort of sitting sideways-ish, abnormally. All of this causes an unabilty to have children.

It also makes it very hard to urininate.

I wasnt allowed to brush my teeth and due to that my teeth are currently rotting, a few to my gums, unable to pay enough to save them and at the age of 35, am likely the youngest person that is talking about dentures soon.

I suffer hearing loss and a bit of vision imparment.

It took me YEARS of accepting the no children fact. So much so that at 21, when Drs wanted to do a hysterectomy to help in the pain, I wouldnt allow it because I wanted the 0.0000001% chance I could concevive and less chance of carrying to term even if I had the money for other ways of concecive.

I dont smile a lot because of my teeth. Though you cant notice it too much in the front, Im still very self conscience. Plus its just going to get worse. Ive been the dentists, though triggering, I would never of had enough money to save them all.

Im not sure if this is what you mean but theres been a lot of therapy around accepting, naming that I cant have children because of what was done to me, and stopping the "damaged good" self speak. Thats hard, VERY hard when in the end, men seem to want you to give them a biological child and so that "damaged goods" self speak is then mignified by each man that turns around and walks away because of that but thats something im still working on and its why today my therapist is talking about "good traits" about me. I see myself as "damaged" and its something im activetly working on.

But it is doable to in the end say "i have this because of what happened to me, but it doesnt define me, I am a good person because XYZ and am worthy of good things". Do I see myself that way? Nope, no where even close to how I see me, but I have hope that one day I will and recently have been able to see good traits of myself and actually state (which suprised me) that I liked these traits. So its something that takes a while after working hard to turn your thinking around, but certianly doable.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I am left with scarred and burned vagina, urithrea, all reproductive organs and my uterus is...

Well, I was going to whine about my life until I saw your post. I am very sorry about the physical challenges that you have to deal with. It must be so incredibly tough to not be able to have children. I remember when I was younger the biological clock really tells us when it is time and what a joyous decision to make. Did someone hurt you intentionally so you could not have children? What a terrible thing for you.

Due to me being stalked I live with real life criminals that attempt to break into my life on a daily basis. I am being stalked at work, wherever I go to go shopping, run errands. And it is not just about the following. These criminals threaten my life everyday and have already succeeded at hurting me physically several times. So therefore I am dealing with past and current stressors.

Due to an abusive ex that I left behind I lost all of my financial nets I had. I lost all hope of retirement funds, I lost health insurance, home and my son is migrating towards his abusive father as well ( a child that I truly enjoyed to raise).

Since I did not have health insurance I gravitated towards natural ways of healing and have to say, the natural supplements that I use are by far superior than anything that any doctor can and will suggest.
I have gum disease and about 6 years ago my dentist approached me and suggested gum surgery so my teeth would not fall out. At that time I still had health insurance. When that went down the drain I researched.
Now I do a procedure called oil pulling. It involves gargling with oil, such as sunflower oil, coconut oil, olive oil. Well actually you swoosh it around in your mouth before you eat in the morning for about 15 to 20 minutes and you can do the procedure before going to bed too. I have tried coconut oil so far and olive oil. I think coconut oil is superior to olive oil when it comes to oil pulling.
My teeth are not perfect but I am pretty sure the oil pulling has helped in such a degree that my teeth did not fall out yet. It makes just enough of a difference to prevent total gum loss in my mouth. The coconut oil has antibacterial properties so I think that is why it might work better. Try that procedure, you have to be very patient and consistent with oil pulling, since it takes a long time to make a difference.

I am also making my own toothpaste and I order my toothbrushes from Hawai from a company called OraWellness online. They sell specialty toothbrushes that can not be found in a regular store, very cheap too, but not cheaply made. The brushes retail around $ 3.00 and the bristles on those brushes are rounded and what a difference that makes when someone has gum disease. The brushes have actually very few bristles on them, just enough to give a very gentle cleaning. I can not use the brushes from the store because they hurt my gums. But with these toothbrushes I have noticed a big difference.

If I may suggest, and I know you have a lot of other major concerns in your life, try to start with oil pulling right away. I am very happy about the results and I love giving advice to victims that have to struggle with health issues and or finances. We often have to struggle with both so when I find something that really works I love to give that advice to victims.
There are many who pretend to be victims, they shall not receive any advice from me.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I know it's normal for people with PTSD to feel as if past traumas are still fresh, or when triggered,...

That is a cliche, the term to move on. Criminals love to use that term after they harass and threaten victims, will try to convince the victims that on top of being victimized that it is the victim's responsibility to "get over it". Very cruel indeed and something that criminals love to use to lead the attention away from their own criminal actions. By shifting suggested thinking and acting to the victim the predators always attempt to shift the responsibility for those crimes away from themselves.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Well, I was going to whine about my life until I saw your post.

Ah, its not "whining" but advising.

Did someone hurt you intentionally so you could not have children? What a terrible thing for you.

Yes. Partly anyway. As well as a possible forced abortion (no one, including myself knows if I was really preg), my mom would say that since I was "supposed to be an abortion" that I shouldnt be allowed to have kids. My therapist thinks it was to mutalate what makes me female as she lost a baby boy before me (died at 2 hrs old) and that there was no way to know if it would have been enough damage to cause me to not to medically be able to have children but thats what she said.

Sometimes she wouldnt. The punishment in which lead to bleach (and whatever burning chemical she could find that day) burning my insides was given for many reasons. But to deem me unable to have children was one of the many advised to me.

Thanks about the information. Im quite the researcher and never heard of oil pulling. I'll look it up.

Im quite worried about a molar that has to be taken out surgically that my gum is now growing over. Im seeing an infection and absess coming and have dental insurence but have a keen fear of the dentist, mostly being in a chair where i cant move and cant close my mouth, i tend to have massive flashbacks and the dentist and nurses yelling at me doesnt help.

I hate dentists! Most are awfully judgemental. Like I got myself in this situation and am some nasty person. I had only one dentist I liked whom knew of my past and actually taught me how to brush my teeth properly. He was great. He's make sure I didnt feel held down and would stop & let me close my mouth if I needed and even left the room if I needed. All I know is he was a child dentist before an adult dentist and was massively hot, but how he just knew something bad happened, I dont know. I suppose not many 18 year olds have that bad of dental health.

I slowly advised him of just that i wasnt allowed to brush my teeth and didnt have to say much more.

Unfortantly, I had to move and since havent been able to find a dentist half ok.

Anyway, sorry to ramble about my problems and thanks for the info!

 

[Dana1010]

@lostforgottensoul, I am in awe of your strength and courage in posting the details of your abuse. However, I think details such as those on the regular discussion forum (as opposed to a trauma diary) may be a bit too graphic (or at least should have a trigger warning). Your opinion is valued, and I'd like you to keep contributing to this thread, but I just wanted to mention that. I am not a mod -- this is just one member's two cents.

Hugs :hug::hug::hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

at least should have a trigger warning

The site doesnt have trigger warnings and are removed if added.

I appologize and won't be so graphic here.

 

[Dana1010]

The site doesnt have trigger warnings and are removed if added.

I apologize and won't be so graphic here.

I guess I meant you could just add one into your post in text.

Please don't apologize. You've added a ton to the discussion, and even with the potentially triggering material, I would rather have your posts here than not. :hug:

 

[Sideways]

@lostforgottensoul - grateful you can tell it like it is. I can't have kids, and I can't talk about why, and it is inspiring to see you rise above the shame that keeps so many of us hiding in the shadows.

Sorry OP if that was off track. It's rare, and so incredibly helpful, to get the opportunity to read raw courage like that, so thanks for this thread. One person's trigger is another person's reason to keep fighting I guess.

 

[Dana1010]

Sorry OP if that was off track.

Not off track at all.

men seem to want you to give them a biological child

I certainly don't mean to trivialize your issues, but I have to say, it seems to me a lot of men would love to meet a woman who doesn't want kids. A lot of women have to drag their husbands kicking and screaming into having a baby.