So as my T starts to help me build a timeline and relive various memories from my youth covering from abut 10 when I was first abused through my HS years some disturbing things are rising to the surface.
Let me first say that I deeply loved bth my parents. They (both passed) were good people who I believe tried their best to raise me and my brother but due to many reasons and circumstances we struggled. Unfortunately for me, the instability caused a lot of damage and left me for the most part dealing with all of the living instability and the abuse "on my own". I never told anyone about the about the abuse and that is on me but the damage that followed pretty much ended any chance for a normal life.
I don't blame them, they did the best they could but I am beginning to recognize how much damage was done. I think what finally allowed me to see this and accept it was looking at the way I grew up and how my own children were raised. I would have never allowed my kids to grow up with the instability I lived through and even though I was divorced when they were 6 & 12 I remained attached and involved in their lives on a daily basis. They have both grown up stable and happy and will be good to go for the rest of their lives.
I find myself crying when watching TV and the story is about a child being saved or loved, this is also bothering me immensely. I felt loved by my parents but the facts of my life also indicate that I was abandoned in so many ways that I do not understand. Even today, 34 years after my fathers passing I still cannot talk about him without crying and I don't know why.
The road to recovery from abuse is indeed long and filled with potholes
Let me first say that I deeply loved bth my parents. They (both passed) were good people who I believe tried their best to raise me and my brother but due to many reasons and circumstances we struggled. Unfortunately for me, the instability caused a lot of damage and left me for the most part dealing with all of the living instability and the abuse "on my own". I never told anyone about the about the abuse and that is on me but the damage that followed pretty much ended any chance for a normal life.
I don't blame them, they did the best they could but I am beginning to recognize how much damage was done. I think what finally allowed me to see this and accept it was looking at the way I grew up and how my own children were raised. I would have never allowed my kids to grow up with the instability I lived through and even though I was divorced when they were 6 & 12 I remained attached and involved in their lives on a daily basis. They have both grown up stable and happy and will be good to go for the rest of their lives.
I find myself crying when watching TV and the story is about a child being saved or loved, this is also bothering me immensely. I felt loved by my parents but the facts of my life also indicate that I was abandoned in so many ways that I do not understand. Even today, 34 years after my fathers passing I still cannot talk about him without crying and I don't know why.
The road to recovery from abuse is indeed long and filled with potholes