General What If ?

[hopelives]

What if we just pretend that he doesn't have PTSD and we just push it back in the closet and just forge our lives not acknowledging it?

OK writing that makes me feel that we have lost it.lol But we had this thought today together what if we just pretend it doesn't exist. I know I can't let that happen. But we are really over the effects this is having on our lives. AHHHHH God please have mercy. We are a lot tired out by it. I know that pretending wont help but what if it worked?

Our lives feel like one big WHAT IF.

 

[anni]

Since you already know the answer to that, then what's the harm in having a nice ' What if' moment together, or several? I don't see where it's a bad thing to think these things, while knowing this stupid thing isn't curable. The thing is, it's managable to varying degrees, so What If thinking some What If's helps both of you see some goal which IS findable, and can be worked towards? Pretending is no good to anyone but postive thoughts tend to build into postive actions so perhaps there's some good end to some of the 'What If's', you know? No, not a world without PTSD entirely, but one where it's not the entire planet for you and he and your family. There's just a difference between fooling yourself and perhaps planning towards something, maybe delightling a little in the hope, that's all.

 

[seedling]

I agree with Anni. I have this same feeling sometimes and feel there's a power in it when it goes beyond the usual avoidance. It's like being able to imagine the world again without PTSD, seeing what it can be like when it doesn't interfere with things.
If you can act on that imagination then you've changed behavior and practiced something positive.
There are the times when it HAS to be addressed and confronted straight on and dealt with - plenty of those times. But times when you can see outside it and act like it isn't there - wonderful.

 

[hopelives]

Well found out that the what if moment was to do with my husband wanting to avoid going back to therapy. He is going to go back. But he is slipping into a deep depression. Last night we cried a bit about some of the things that the PTSD has affected and it helped him to realise Im not angry at him Im angry at it. And it made him realise how I truly felt about a few things. I suppose yesterday was a deep day in that we both saw things and expressed a few things.

My husband is struggling to sleep or get up. I dont see things improving for quiet some time and we both agreed we dont want to wait BUT we have to. So I am trying to write a schedule of things to keep me and the kids busy and things that he can choose whether to join in or not. No pressure.

 

[cherryblossom]

As a sufferer I just want to add that 'we' generally hate 'that PTSD' too. For all the world we wish we could be rid of it. And sometimes (for brief moments in my case), we are rid of it. We don't always recognise, or make the most of those moments but they are there and hopefully as 'we' heal, those times become more frequent and the durations will become longer. But whatever stage 'we' are at, we're always more than just a PTSD diagnosis, and sometimes our carers ignoring our PTSD gives us hope that things will once again be 'normal'.

Your schedule seems like a great idea. Proving that things are going on regardless of this PTSD crap, and giving him the oportunity to join in when PTSD permits. Your sufferer is lucky to have you!:)

 

[hopelives]

One of the biggest things has been I have been expecting him to just step in a get on with life. Which has without me realising made me feel resentful as my life is on hold and also made him feel stressed that he is letting us down. He wants us to live full lives but at the same time is sad he can't be a part of it most of the time.

Anyway he is struggling and I am unsure really how to help. But all I can do is do the practicals which need to be done and move from there.