What Is Dissociation Like For You?

[deleted]

I have a few types that my therapist has told me are both forms of dissociation

#1) The most common one: It's like someone put a glass between me and my body. Im on one side, it's on the other. I'm sort of with my body but am falling behind and detached at the same time. I've gone entire shifts at work just watching myself make customer's coffee-wierdest thing ever. I get very quiet and "moody" and sometimes forget where I am, what my name is or other details like that. It's just this weird separation from myself. It's hard to describe well but hopefully that made some sense!

#2) This is less common (thank goodness): I just completely am out of my body and most times I end up "blacking out". Each time this has happened it's been a little bit different. From what friends and other observers to this have told me I just stop talking, have a vacant expression, don't make eye contact and just stare into space. My therapist told me that when that happens he'll say my name or something like "Hey!" and I'll look at him but my eyes are totally vacant.

Dissociation is something that really interests me and I am super interested into the experience for you guys!

 

[Socha]

The most common for me is staring. I stare into the distance.
The other one is when my hands look like they are miles away and they don't feel like they belong to my body. I feel like an astronaut watching myself from above. I usually lose track of time then. 2 or more hours can feel like a minute and I don't know excactly what I was doing all the time when I realize how much time has passed.
Other times I can't remember where I was or where I parked my car when I was dissociating. I can recall being at a store somewhere but can't remember which one. It's weird and a little scary when I realize it.

 

[Cerulean Synapse]

I had a weird dissociation episode at a christmas party and i have no idea why it appeared just that I knew that I was separate from my mind and my body. I know my body was going through the motions but I was unconscious of what was happening. It felt as though I was just a passenger. And then the only thing that perked me up was when someone had said my name and shook me several times to make sure I was ok. I am pretty sure no one was upstairs or at least Aris was but she is more of an introvert so she played the part of the party and then Iris drove the rest of the night. I am trying to work my twelve steps but I need my sponsor to know that they are coming out again. It's because i was diagnosed with cervical dystonia. The one thing is I don't remember anything before getting my food and the line and the rest of the night I just see pictures of it. And I know outgoing Iris is there.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I'm reading some threads about this because I'm starting to realize I have had this symptom more than I'd thought over my life. Not very frequently, but during very difficult times. It sounds like people have different versions of this -- your #1 description is similar to what I've experienced. I don't know that I could describe mine too well right now. I feel there but not there.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Your #2 form is what I experience most often. I just stare into space, but I'm not looking at anything. "Lights are on but nobody's home" is an expression that fits me well.

Other times, well I switch and although I generally don't get into any kind of trouble, it's damn scary.

Getting from place A to place B with no recollection of how I got there happens a lot. As does finding myself somewhere and not knowing why I'm there, but that has lessened a lot over the past 6 months.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Holy crap. I decided tonight to look around threads about dissociation, trying to understand it better because I'm realizing I've had this symptom. And I see I already posted on this thread yesterday. That is.. nuts. I *do* now remember that I did, so not like I blacked out. But I hadn't remembered until I saw my post.

I always thought of dissociation as basically tuning out. Which had happened to me a few times over many years -- first I remember I was 16. But from reading and looking at my recent symptoms, seeing that it can also include feeling there but not there. And... I don't think I'm DID or have alters, but I have experienced this thing where it's like there are different versions of me, or like different viewpoints, all coexisting at the same time while I also feel numbed out / tuned out. It's creeping me out to describe. I don't want to add to my diagnoses.

 

[joeylittle]

Everyone dissociates - it's a common neurological thing. 'Zoning out', an example is how you can be so familiar with a specific route or pattern that you suddenly are aware you've finished without remembering the actual doing.

Dissociation on a larger scale is a PTSD symptom; being highly dissociative doesn't mean you are DID. People without mental illnesses can and will refer to 'being different people at different times'. It's all a question of degree.

@Jemini, you might find the theory of Structural Dissociation interesting.

@Katiee_co, I can get a fuzzy feeling that is much like your #1, but I don't have that sense of physical separation from myself. I think the term there is depersonalization. I go #2, but when I do, I'm not in the 'reality' room anymore, I'm somewhere else.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Thx @joeylittle . Yes depersonalization I think I maybe get that too. It's like lucid dreaming. Fully there, but this isn't real it's a dream. Recent triggers have brought this on almost in an instant, but it sort of fades back to reality over what seems like many minutes.

 

[MCCS]

For me it includes zoning out at times but more severely when I'm put on the spot or reminded of my trauma I feel I can't talk. I freeze, my mind stops working, I can't come up with thoughts or a response and even when I come back into my mind I can't explain it so people who don't experience something similar can understand. My Mom has said I'm like a deer in headlights and need time to respond.

 

[HypnoticallyChaotic]

Mine tend to vary on things like weirdness and severity of awareness loss.

My small minor 'normal' ones are simple things like looking in the fridge for forks, or putting the empty water bottle back in the fridge and then going back after it thinking its full, or the times I tried to unlock the building door with my lighter because I thought it was my key.

My moderate ones are usually memory loss type stuff, but also come with behavioral issues.. like anger, and ripping peoples heads off (figuratively). Typically these happen when my triggers get hit. I'm lucky to remember at least have of it these days, used to be I'd remember nothing.

My severe ones are full on blackouts and I do stuff I'm not aware of doing, and those ones terrify me.

 

[Zenith Astrology]

Mine happen with days of the week, or time becoming distorted, like holidays, especially Christmas and New Years feeling like they are arriving too early. Like today I swore Monday is tomorrow, and I'm an Astrologer, I can still get the day's mixed up due to having some emotional thing on the horizon - like PTSD therapy. So I was all geared up to contact, a therapist, after having a boatload of them in childhood, this being the first time I would let someone into my life, to analyze me since then. ( As they even helped cause my PTSD). My Dream and wake life, feeling not too separate. I know in Astrology this is also my Mercury (way you communicate) in Pisces (sign of dreams and the sub- conscious). But I do know I do have PTSD even my Astrology shows it. Being born with enough Aquarian energy in your chart- blows the father out of the water like mine, and the Scorpio Moon which rules the Mother, is the worst place, for being mothered correctly. Add to that, I have layers of the energy's. Then Mars on Zosma equaling abuse by the State and to my sexuality as a child. Zosma is a victimhood star, and Mars in your chart shows sexual aspects that may happen if your not aware of them. So that is also why since I have been on my own so long I never really noticed it. But the "stress cup" summed it up very well, and scared me at the same time. Funny or not so... now I have anxiety about my anxiety. I may have never noticed before, or was too dissociated too. I just hope this is not going to affect my Astrology career, If It does I will have to pull this profile. Because I'm still a wounded healer and I may not know what day it is sometimes because of what happened, but I know Im a good Astrologer no doubt about that. lol