How does dissociation feel for you?

[user27357]

lost in “screw the battle, where does this off ramp go?”
closest non disassociation was almost going unconscious but still on my feet, thinking i could just lie down comfortably right now or maybe not, yeah, oh wait, that step felt like it was balanced, okay, another? yep, im back.
except its a mental pull into a flashback of a horrible event and i am thinking i can fight this or go see whats new in hell, nope, hell it is..,,,

 

[fernnn]

It's like you're in a dark theater, watching yourself through yourself. Your hands are not your own but simultaneously are. Similar to when you play a first person game: You control someone, but disconnected from yourself. This is near daily for me, and I practically disconnect once I'm at work. I confuse what I did the day of with something from yesterday or a week before. I'm not driving a car anymore, I'm watching someone else drive a car, in the perspective of the driver. The sounds of the radio, the wind passing by, they're not my feelings.

There's also another kind that is slightly rarer for me, where instead it feels like I'm floating far away. Like my vision starts to zoom out, and the box of what I'm looking at is footsteps apart from me. Generally happens when I'm not at work, but it's so few that I don't know what triggers this.

The first person game is so weird but true! that's exactly how I'd describe it for me.

 

[interstellar505]

whenever i'm in public or even in hallways, the people don't feel real, or maybe i don't feel real, sometimes i feel like i'm stuck inside a larger and taller jello version of myself and i can't move. mentally, i see the people as translucent or ghost-like. i get so wrapped up in my thoughts and flashbacks whenever i'm walking in places, and all of this starts happening again. it makes me extremely fatigued and usually i cannot go back to focus for the rest of the day.

 

[ISupportHer]

Sorry if I am off topic. I wanted to say it's good and healthy to have this discussion. I came to this forum a long time ago because I was looking for answers about what dissociation even was by searching for "dissociation".

Thank you all
ISH

 

[mickbu]

I feel like there's some broadband cable that's been cut. The real awake self is stuck in a tiny box in the back of my head and I'm on auto pilot. disconnected. this can last for days

 

[chrysaliscrushed]

It became worse for me or so I believe. It feels as if time can't scoop me into its influence anymore. I flew out of the concept of time as well as space. I no longer feel the spans of time, the afternoon and the morning have no difference between one another feeligs-wise. I have to check things several times, e g loops for knitted stuff, temperature on the thermometer because I get confused and I forget. I have to read the same paragraph in anything or rewatch a video again and again because I cannot understand it otherwise. I can knit just fine but only because it's a no-brainer for me I assume, counting rows isn't too easy now though. I feel like I have some sort of cognitive decline but I'm not going to self diagnose.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

It’s feeling like a complete lack of history. Not remembering if it is day or night, if I have eaten anything at all that day, not knowing what season or year it is.

 

[Movingforward10]

I didn't know for decades that I had disassociated amnesia (self diagnosed).
So, total denial of reality.

And:
Feelings not feeling real as a result (which I now know if something doesn't feel real, it means it is).
Overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time.
Unable to process things.
Speaking to someone and having no prior thought in my head about what that was so it surprises me.

I don't know if those are disassociation but I think I've learnt that it is? It's always just been.

 

[cherub]

for me usually i feel mostly numb but with some underlayer of strong emotion, my vision starts swimming and i either feel floaty and airy or stiff and heavy. i struggle to speak properly as well. I get usually some type of physical flashbacks as well during that. more rarely i might feel completely and utterly numb like the numbest you could ever feel, get tunnel swimmy vision, feeling cut off from my surroundings and like everything is alien. I will have memory fog to some extent too.

 

[chrysaliscrushed]

today it got even worse, i've no idea whatsoever. maybe the deal is about faulty bandwidth if the theory is true lol. i stopped caring because he must be either able to watch the tape anytime he wants or he has surveillance 24/7, maybe sometimes i am lucky and he won't be aware of when i share it with others, it won't impact a thing, maybe that is why he doesn't mind, or on the contrary he makes the vat even less stable once i misbehave in these ways. i thought about all of this just this evening, in this great detail for the first time i think but i can't rely on my memory much lol. nothing exists here so why even get attached to things. an illusion, candy, wonder in the desert.