What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?


Worried about work tomorrow.

The pup has surgery thursday.

A friend who died recently, changed their mind about MAID (pressured by dr, and dr's negligence, really; family demanded better care), went on their own steam and with resuscitation, so no DNAR.

A person who made me laugh.

Two persons' words who are very kind and wise.


My part of the fridge the land lords family just put there stuff right in it and it has my name so I'm confused. I hope they leave soon cause they been here almost a month now. I'm about to go crazy.


Hisself : So I was talking with my dad…

Me’self (in my head) Today needs more booze in it. A lot more. Preferably about 5 minutes ago.
Me’self Out Loud: Yes?

Hisself : ABC-XYZ

Me’self (in my head) : Nothing I could possible say or do would be right, right now, you know this.
Me’self Out Loud : Makes attempt to be supportive. Fails utterly.

Hisself : BOOM!
Me’self : Yep. Called that. Brick wall. Bang head.


When I'm overwhelmed or just stress I tend to throw stuff away then I normally do. I have a little fridge in my room and I just want to throw it away. It works just fine just a little dirty but of course not only did someone buy it for me but I need it so trying to find a different way to handle this stress. Some of my shoes and clothes are already gone. I will throw out any and everything until I feel better. 😫


I see why T and R said I was lying to myself about my feelings. I don't actually care if I'm sad about this or that, so what is it that's in the way?

Pride? Why? Ego? Bleh. Whats really going on with me 😅 journaling my feelings will help. Hoping I get that done.


@Defaultxlove , could it be minimization? ^^

I noticed late last night, I can't visualize faces, harder I try even different ones show up, and sure/ not quite sure they aren't correct. Does that mean I feel nothing?
Yet I could 'see' the clock on the wall of the kitchen when I was a kid, not prehaps the right clock but exact shape and place., would swear it was there.

I know I don't feel well, which brings along depression. But I feel things are pretty hopelessly unchangeable, and things are becoming not important, no point to starting again or continuing. I guess it's the effort and some assurance that's required, and I don't have that.

That's about as objective as I can be about it.


I wasn't gonna say anything because I do not know for sure yet, but I need an EGD performed because I had a bad Barium swallow result which states the following:

There is a stricture at the origin of the esophagus. It shows an abrupt shoulder consistent with malignancy. Mucosal destruction is noted in the region. Impression: is highly suggestive of malignant stricture in the lower esophagus and a small sliding hiatal hernia. I was scheduled for an EDG and colonoscopy tomorrow but the anesthesiologist backed out and now I am rescheduled for the 8th of Feb.

I can't help but wonder what is blocking me from eating solid foods.


I am nobody and I have nobody.
I am sorry that you think you are nobody. You are somebody to me! Perhaps you don't have a significant other, I have been unwillingly alone for almost 25 years, but that doesn't make me a nobody.

I have people who love me and care about me. I am sure someone loves you, I love you and I don't even know you and I care about you.

How can I love you and care about you if I don't know you?

It is because loving and caring about someone is a decision we make, it is way more than emotions... It is a choice.

I am deeply concerned because I know what it feels like to think of myself as no one and to think that I am unworthy of love, that I have no one. if I may share a prayer with you... I don't remember it that well so part of it may be missing but I think you will understand it.....

"Let what I feel fill me but not consume me
Let me follow what I feel, but not be forced
And Let me become the kind of soul who never clings too hard
Who loves, yet lets go
and let me learn from all my losses
Let me out and let me in
Let me see and let me be

...a Window,

....Maybe broken, but through which a bit of air and sunlight comes."

I will be your friend. Now you have someone.
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