What Is Space In Combat Ptsd Terms? (suffers And Carers, Plz Help)

[Trying best]

My husband and I have separated and we are in the process of getting divorce. Divorce has to do a lot with me being ignorant of the PTSD and fighting and pushing him to file for divorce. I have since then learned and am repenting everyday for my mistakes that I made. Since then, I have a made a mission to read every book, forum, article, post on PTSD. I have nothing but deep love for this man. He has dangled a very small hope for reconciliation stating that things could change and we might get back together in the future if we continue to meet up at time and talk, but reconciliation is not guaranteed. He has asked for space. I know what space is but on PTSD terms what is space. Is it limited contact or complete cutoff (if I cut off how will we ever communicate to ever reconcile or even meet the few times that we have been meeting)

 

[Changing4Best]

He has asked for space. I know what space is but on PTSD terms what is space. Is it limited contact or complete cutoff (if I cut off how will we ever communicate to ever reconcile or even meet the few times that we have been meeting)

I'd say that it means that he wants to see you when you are feeling your best, that he does not want arguments and that he wants some peace and quiet times to himself to ponder how things are going with you. Yes, he wants to hear from you and have time together. I am guessing he wants it on his terms though, which may not be your most comfortable or best times, so be ready to say that you need to meet at a later time if your PTSD is acting up and or out of control at that time or later when it is the time he wants to meet or talk on the phone.

You can say things like, I am not feeling well, can I call you back when I am doing OK? Or you can say that it is not a good time for you and you will call back or meet him later on in the day or the week (this makes it you decision, as you need some control of the times and places you meet too). Don't meet him in any place that is uncomfortable for you or where abuse has occurred in the past.

 

[Trying best]

I'd say that it means that he wants to see you when you are feeling your best, that he does not want arguments and that he wants some peace and quiet times to himself to ponder how things are going with you.

@SheilaKathy My husband is the one with combat PTSD, he is the one asking for space and moved out! He has said he wants space and divorce. He does give a slight hope of possible reconciliation if we continue to meet here and there and talk things out. I guess my ques is
1)What is the kind of space that he is asking? limited or complete
2)how am I suppose to give him so called space when there is a slight hope of reconciliation?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't think you should be asking us what space is, rather you should be asking him. Sometimes space means "I don't want to see you more than once a month" and at other times space means "I can lie beside you and you can be close to me, but don't touch". Thus, we can only guess, and as such, may lead you astray. I think you should ask him for clarification, and if you can't then take his lead. He will let you know if he needs more space because he will either tell you or he will pull away more.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'd say he's asking for extended limited space. If he gets argumentative, walk away and leave him alone, don't reply to him. If he asks why you are walking away, tell him you are giving him space. If he calls and gets argumentative, end the conversation, before it blows up.

He needs time to heal from his combat PTSD. This can take years. A relationship may well be too much for him at this time. Maybe he wants just to be friends for now. Ask him what he means by this, in a very gentle way, letting him know that it is a bit confusing to you.

I hope things work out for you!

 

[Sighs]

You could try to set some ground rules - like asking him if it would be ok if you text him every morning but make it clear that there is no pressure on him to reply. Then if he agrees you have to stick to it! (that's the hard part...) So don't text other than that one text every morning.unless he replies and its clear he wants to have a conversation. He may say no he doesn't want you to text every day in which case try to negotiate once a week or something. Make it clear that he can contact you whenever he wants but that you will not contact him outside his agreement.

Combat PTSD is likely to be long term. Are you prepared to be in a relationship with him as he is? I guess what I am asking is all those things that upset you before you knew about his PTSD will still upset you. Just because you know why he behaves that way doesn't stop it impacting on you.

At the moment the entire relationship will need to be on his terms. You have to decide whether you really want that.

 

[Trying best]

Currently we are separated. I def feel like understanding the ptsd triggers and symptoms has def made me more patient. I'm in love with this man and am ready to be committed to him. Currently, I text him whenever I want ( which is normally about the open case or dogs) he texts me right back but doesn't engage in convo. He will text me here and there if he wants me to reject or dismiss certain items on the case in his favour ( which I don't as i have to protect my rights during the divorce, and he gets super mad) but that's it.

Sometimes I don't know if it is ptsd ir manipulative but he tells me to give up rights in the case and when I don't be gets super-mad at me and threatens to make life difficult???:((

 

[Sighs]

Oh dear! That sounds like a perfectly normal divorce rather than PTSD. I don't know the law in your jurisdiction but I encourage you to get legal advice if you can afford it. If there really is any hope of getting back together the divorce needs to be put on hold while you try to work things out. You can't be negotiating the terms of your divorce AND working on the relationship. If he won't put the divorce on hold then I'm sorry but I think he is simply holding out hope of getting back together to manipulate you into giving him what he wants in the settlement.