Poll What Is The Cause Of Your PTSD?

[Deleted member 19804]

I was raped at 18, but I'm pretty sure I have been sexually abused before that. The rape was the direct cause of my PTSD.

 

[anonymousme]

I believe I have framework in childhood contributed but the absolute trigger occurred at age 11 during an stranger attempted kidnapping, I thankfully survived. Generations of trauma , the loss of my great grandparents affected my grand parents at a young age which affected my parents. My parents did a great job based on their experiences. However the lack of consistent emotional support unfortunatly stunted me despite their best efforts as parents. The trauma exceeded the support base.
I lacked the support following my attempted stranger kidnapping and I simultaneously had an authoritative emotionally abusive teacher at the time . I now realize the teacher was an abusive personality disorder and/or had mental illness. This coincided with human physiology, hormones, and puberty an already turbulent time in an adolescents life.
I had delayed onset ptsd. I buried it until 36 years old. Symptoms did not occur until after a series of miscarriage, high risk pregnancies, deliveries, for my children and Nicu , 2 surgeries before age one for my last born child. I got through it all.
Then at 36 I experienced symptoms of dissociation, irritability, startle response, and hypervigilance. The dissociation really scared me I felt light headed all the time. I describe it as feeling above my body. I asked for help for I needed to be the best mom I could to my kids. It was determined I had ptsd and I under went EMDR. EMDR to my joy worked to calm the symptoms and allow the symptoms to subside for me to reframe the trauma but not forget.
I acknowledge I will never be the same as I was prior to age 11 however I must respect and honor the 11 year old survivor , she is stronger than I ever realized. She gets back up every time adversary crosses her path. She is strong enough to ask for support and help now. She is strong and must accept the symptom of hypervigilance occurs based on history of the triggered nervous system , when others have the good fortune to have avoided this experience. It is her experience and she must accept it and overcome it. Always reframing the thoughts or emotions if they occur to cut herself slack. She is now a woman that must comfort the traumatized child within if the child needs it for no one can do so better then her adult self. Good luck and positive healing to all.

 

[chibmonster]

The reason i broke down and finally stopped functioning was adult rape, but it was far from the first time i was raped by the person just the worst and in front of people, and not the first few people when i was 18 was horrible i just am good at forgetting and going on. But when i was a kid my dad tried to shoot me and himself chasing me out the door, yay alcohol after a year of beating my mom and me having to take care of my sisters, so it just depends on your braking point.

 

[The Albatross]

very early childhood trauma... so I don't know. What I do know was I was affected by the time I was 4 or 5 and then when all the other stuff happened, it just got worse. New traumas and retraumatizations.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Whoa. Lots of us childhood peeps!

 

[judypieking]

Shoot my vote was wrecked.. I was choosing them all except war and didn't know it was only taking one vote

 

[greycrayon]

My body was born from my mother at 29 weeks, was very ill, lived in an incubator and had blood transfusions. It seems that my nervous system was overloaded right at the start. I have had 'experiences' were I thought that I had split at this age and the 'I' who is typing now seemed to be more of a guardian of the body than the original personality, not certain now, I think my therapist at the time suggested dissociative parts and I ran with it to impress people.
My family are dysfuctional, dad has a very erratic temper and I have never felt bonded to my mum.
Possible CSA by family friend, possible more than one incidences, no idea the age...not sure if real.

 

[ihateusernames]

Umm, well, assuming I actually have it. I'm not entirely sure... if I had to guess I'd say childhood abuse (physical and emotional), what typically manifested as abject hatred from my father, alcoholism, and domestic violence.

But I'm not sure if that's the real answer. I was also hit by a car on the autobahn as a small child. Yeah, I ran out into traffic. Good one. Thrown several lanes, unconscious, I remember it very clearly and can see everything happening including my mother and the guy who hit me standing there crying and thinking that I was dead. It's possible that's it. It does seem weird that I can visualize and almost feel the entire incident still. But it doesn't really scare me. Just makes me a little wacko about traffic safety.

I also witnessed a rape as a kid, tried to stop it and could not, I was held away, tried to get help to stop it, nobody listened, tried to tell and nobody even believed me. That had the worst effect and seems the most likely answer to me, personally. Around the same time I was also sexually assaulted by another kid and, while I am really resistant to acknowledging it, I was most likely molested by a house guest.

Was raped in college. Spent the next year and a half in a daze. Several years later, had an abortion that was extremely traumatic for me. It led to a pretty major breakdown and an eating disorder. Hyperemesis gravidarum (that's "morning sickness" that lasts day and night through an entire pregnancy.) The previously mentioned eating disorder was bulimia, so some good came of this- I think that may have been thoroughly eradicated on account of this particular experience... followed by a traumatic birth, which brought on another breakdown and brought me here.
(edited for clarity)

There have been other possibilities, I guess. Bullying and isolation throughout childhood. Multiple car accidents (involving drunk drivers...). Really shitty jobs that bordered on traumatic. Sexual harassment on multiple occasions including sexual assault by an employer while locked in an office alone. I don't see any of these being the answer, though.

So, who knows which response is accurate for the poll. *shrug* I picked childhood abuse, etc.

 

[Chava]

Like many others I can't check one because they are all inter-related in very messy ways. I was diagnosed after an adult assault, but was already being treated for extremely self destructive symptoms. I had very early and severe medical trauma but probably other kids heal from that in environments that aren't also abusive or have mentally ill parents. I'd be tempted to say the major issue is the early trauma but for how young and powerless I was, it would be impossible for me to know if it was the actual life-threatening stuff or the lack of safe and consistent attachment. So, anyway, my current therapist is helping me through the lens of "complex" trauma. But I understand it getting messy. I also know this post is old. But I think "complex" would have a whopping number of candidates. It's the compiling of traumas that destroy resilience.

By the time I was assaulted I wasted very little time in attempting suicide. It was simply a sort of breaking point.

 

[falling_wave]

Three of these areas apply to me but I picked the longest lasting cause.

 

[Kailani]

Could check a lot above but think i initially developed PTSD from something that happened when I was 2 years old- we went to my mom's boyfriend's house and they got into a fight for awhile. I could hear the hitting and I hid next to the toilet in the bathroom and the man's black dog sat in front of me. I felt the dog was protecting me. They would keep coming into the bathroom covered in blood and crying and washing up-i remember the blood soaked regular size bath towel in the bathtub. Ever since that I hate the color red. Hate stop signs, hate stop lights, anything red. Wasn't going to join the Army because they wanted me to be a nurse and I didn't like blood. Worked taking care of violent men and they would get hurt sometimes so I started to get exposed to blood and it got better-then worked ER as a nurse one day and walked in on a code where the child had a fountain of blood coming from their mouth-i froze-then immediately flipped into gear to suction and try to save them. I got commendations for it but was more proud that I did not stay frozen and delt with the large amount of blood.

 

[Friday]

I've notched my belt with most of these over the years, but combat was first, and it's still what has its teeth in me the most. It's also where I revert back to whenever new stuff piles on. Which has been... Odd. LOL, especially if there is some kind of victims or trauma service team around! Cause I respond weird compared to whatever the norm is for that particular thing.