What Is Therapy?

[sugnim]

Yesterday, I brought some very basic questions to ask my therapist, and I wonder whether her answers are correct and I'm just naive, or if I need to find someone else to work with.

I asked her what therapy is for, what can be accomplished in therapy, what "getting better" looks like, what I am supposed to be doing to make sure that I get the most benefit out of therapy.

Her answers to all of these questions were basically that therapy is a place where you go to talk about things in a non-judgmental environment. She said that therapy can help people talk through things to find out why they behave in certain ways, to find "a-ha" moments of why.

I told her that I didn't want to focus too much on "why." I want to focus on solutions. She told me that maybe therapy isn't right for me, or that maybe I should find someone else.

In your experience, what is therapy for? How does it help? What does a therapist do, and what should a client do to make the most of that?

Am I way off target in thinking that I would like a more structured way of working? I want to go to someone, lay out my problems, and come up with some clear, organized way of taking those problems on. Is that unrealistic?

Thanks.

 

[Justmehere]

There is so many different types of therapy, it's hard to getnalize a description that applies for all.

Am I way off target in thinking that I would like a more structured way of working? I want to go to someone, lay out my problems, and come up with some clear, organized way of taking those problems on. Is that unrealistic?

Nope. It just may be not the right therapist or type of therapy.

 

[Crow]

Therapy is so personal. It can be lots of different things for people. For me it is a forum where I can develop a one on one trusting relationship for the first time while exploring the emotions stuck in my body from past trauma and thereby resolving those traumas. Basically learning how to be a person and learning how to feel. The therapist is there to facilitate that process and provide a safe place to process. But for others it is totally different. Finding a therapist that syncs with expectations can be difficult but well worth the effort.

 

[Plat-Daddy]

Yesterday, I brought some very basic questions to ask my therapist, and I wonder whether her answers are...

A good one listens and more than talks. They will guide you with questions down a path where you find your own answers. They admit they do not have answers yet by working with you as you find what you need. many who do not have text book answers are not looking to work with you. The good ones will never suggest you not see one. They may be looking for as many quick fix people they can fins for lines the pockets better than caring more for less people. I have been through many and no really like mine. he said I have no clue what you need only you do. lets discover this as we go together. way cool.

 

[Silver.]

I told her that I didn't want to focus too much on "why." I want to focus on solutions. She told me that maybe therapy isn't right for me, or that maybe I should find someone else.

^^This is very odd to me. That a therapist does not have tools to help you focus on solutions, to teach you coping and healing. Frankly, I have NEVER heard of a therapist that cannot teach coping skills. My mind cannot even wrap around that she cannot do this. It makes me doubt her validity as a therapist really. *smh*

Sometimes finding a good therapist is trial and error. I do meet and greets, explain them my expectations, see if they can meet them, and then I decide whether or not we are going to be a good fit. Even in small town America over here, the therapists I have met with are used to patients doing this. (especially because for me, I don't need to relive the past in therapy to heal, but we all heal differently, just as therapists all use different approaches).
To me, if you are even questioning the therapist after the first visit, and the fact that she cannot help you with solutions, drop her and move on to someone who can.

 

[Suzetig]

There are very many different modes of therapy, some are highly directive, manualised approaches, eg CBT, DBT which are primarily skills based and solution focussed. In those types of therapy the therapist takes on the role of expert treating an illness.

Others are at their core non-directive, meaning the therapist offers a safe relationship characterised by conditions which support growth in the client, whatever that looks like for them. In that kind of therapy I wouldn't expect the therapist to be offering "solutions" because it goes against the idea of the client as the expert of their own experience.

It depends on what you want from therapy, I've done both CBT and person centred work, the CBT quickly got me functional while I need the relationship element of person centred work to heal the underlying relational trauma. Different people need different things at different times.

 

[anonymous]

This is the problem I have with it. Not interested in aha moments anymore, I do understand myself but I regret that. I realise I have sociopathic tendencies and that really annoys me. I didn't want or need to find that out about myself and how am I supposed to do anything about it.

I see it as a complete waste of time.

And it bothers me that I'm telling a complete stranger my problems and traumas.

All it does is makes things worse.

I felt waaay better before I ever done any therapy.

I'm done with it, and meds too.

Big pharma and the snake oil merchants can suck it.

 

[watundah]

I agree with Silver. Some want to muck around in your psyche, others want to teach you functional tools to take away with you. Maybe that's what you mean by solutions? Results oriented, anyway. I think you can find what you need, and wish I knew what modality to recommend. Please keep trying.

 

[Justmehere]

Anonymous -

I agree that ah-ha moments alone are not much help. I got so annoyed with that myself. Like great, I already know I'm f*cked up. In regards to being diagnosed sociopath... did you get a second opinion? Most sociopaths don't give a shit they are sociopaths. Also, you are not alone in this. There was a prominent psychologist who studied sociopaths who figured out he had the same tendencies. He was able to find a way to live the kind of life he wanted that didn't harm others.

There are ways to become more of the person you want to be.

Therapy that feels good 100% of the time is usually crap therapy. If doing what feels good was working in our lives, we wouldn't need therapy. If you are done, you are done with therapy... but don't give up on you.