What Is Wrong With Me?!

[Deleted member 28403]

What is wrong with me...?

I don't even know anymore, seems like everything.

I have a constant going memory loss. I forget what happened and when it happened, even if it was just a few days ago. And I remember barely anything further in the past, just smaller short sets that go in distances of months, and they are all traumatic experiences, so I try my best not to trigger thinking about them.

Today my parents were bashing at me because I constantly lie to them. They say that I slapped some kid in the school, that they asked a few people about it, but I don't remember anything about that, nothing at all. I told them before that I don't remember anything such happening, so they asked 2 kids in the school, and they say that I did it and yell at me for "lying" to them that I don't remember. I don't know what to do. They keep telling me they can't trust me and stuff. When I tell them I don't remember they say I'm crazy and threathen with handing me to social care and scare me with how I will be bullyied there and how my brain will be burned with drugs they will give me. I don't know what to do anymore. My memory of most stuff is really fragmented, I remember barely anything. Under 5% of what happens is remembered, and I don't know what to do. My parents load me with work so I got barely any time for anything and threathen me with making me quit musician's school because I don't work enough, no matter how much I work. I am constantly like a zombie, tired and barely moving. I some how still keep high grades but my response to any stress is near breakdown/rageout. I don't know what I do and I hate myself.

 

[TonyG]

First step is to go and see a doctor and tell the doctor what your problem is, it's the start of finding out what is wrong.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@TonyG I get to go to a psychiatrist once a month, so in a few days is another trip, second in this session. I get very little talk to anyone who is proffesional or cares in real life...

Btw, correction to a part so it's understandable, at the start I said they are bashing at me for lying, by which I mean them accusing me of lying.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Your not crazy! You just need support, understanding and patience preferably with someone who is a professional in dealing with your issues . I think threatening you with social care and drugs that are going to burn your brain is very much uneducated and slightly immature. I hope you are able to seek some help from someone who will actually listen to to what you describe as your symptoms , this forum is superb for being supported and listened to without being judged. Good luck

 

[KwanYingirl]

Studies and constant work lead to overwhelm. Overwhelm leads to fatigue, difficulty remembering, loss of focus and a poor self image. Any chance you can get some time to just relax? Time to let things settle for a bit.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@KwanYingirl
Very little, if I spend time resting I get yelled at.

 

[KwanYingirl]

My condolences. Can you live on campus? Can you have a reasonable discussion with them?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@KwanYingirl I talked to them about it a few times.

Like, 10 times probably. During the talk they are sorry and stuff, but the next day they forget it all and just do everything the same.

 

[KwanYingirl]

My parents put me in first grade when I was five because my mother was "sick of having kids at home". On the con side, I was too young and suffered socially, on the pro side, I got to get the hell away from home at 17. Thank the Universe for college!

 

[sun seeker]

Oh dear, I wish there were something real I could do to help, but darn it, Croatia is an awfully long way from Canada!

I've said this before, but given what you are saying about your memory, I'll repeat it. You are not to blame for this. Your parents are emotionally abusive and it is not your fault.

Now, about your memory problems, that does sound serious. Besides stress in general, memory loss can be caused by lack of sleep. You need less work, not more! I'm glad you get to see the psychiatrist soon, but if you don't feel they take you seriously, you need to see your GP about your sleep and stress level. If you are lucky this is a doctor who will tell your parents they need to back off a little, but at any rate he/she needs to know. If your parents won't agree to take you, is it possible to go on your own?