General What The Heck Is Going On With This?

[Shoka]

Upon further reflection on this topic in my situation, I've noticed a big change in my sufferer's ability to process things and not explode at every little thing. Part of his therapy includes being told that he needs to sit with the pain, not go into adrenaline mode or anger mode. With this has come this need for "downtime" and I also know that he has been told to spend more time "observing" stuff instead of reacting to everything. Because of what I've been through with him, I'll gladly take this change over the way he was. He is much easier to be with. I think people differ, so my situation is not the same as say Amethist. My sufferer's disassociation was EXTREME and volatile. I know and appreciate that he is learning a new way to deal with his pain, which is to sit with it rather than to go into rage and anger mode to mask the pain.

Again, in my situation I believe that he needs this quiet time to re-learn how to deal with pain, and it's a welcome response. I'll reiterate though that my sufferer is functional and able to work, and pick up his responsibilities.

 

[Nicolette]

Thankfully I have not noticed any dissociation over the past 3 years so I cannot offer any advice. What Shoka writes above makes a lot of sense......actually processing the pain versus reacting to it. That, as I understand it, is part of the process of healing and not bringing the past into the present. Triggers must be tricky as the past can come flooding back from a totally unrelated situation and throw someone into a spin to the point they dissociate. I don't know much about this though.

 

[Shoka]

More on the dissociation bit, I've observed only the really explosive end of this, so when I talk about it, I mean it in the extreme, because my sufferer goes into "war" mode when he dissociates. It's extremely frightening and I'm happy to report that he seems to be healing and not "losing" it. I've witnessed the dissociation to the point where I wondered if I was in the presence of the same person. Essentially the primal brain takes over and the triggers or the unresolved issues are "driving the bus" not the sufferer. I know that he works hard to recognize the early signals, hence the need for the down time.

As a carer he has let me in a bit more to comment on when I observe that he's headed down a bad road. Without nagging, I calmly comment on some of the things that can get him into trouble, there are some basics like not enough sleep, not exercising, not hydrating, and then there are further reaching signs. It's taken a long time for me to be able to approach him, and I think for him to trust me that when I comment on it, I'm not nagging, I'm just trying to be helpful. With that being said though, I don't take his stuff on. For example, if he seems to be heading down a bad road, I might say something like " I noticed that you are overtired and haven't exercised in three days, and now your negative filter seems to be more present than usual". After I say it, I leave it alone, because it's his job to work it out, not mine. I'm not his therapist and I also get into trouble when I over monitor his every behavior and mood. I have found that as a carer, my codependency kicks in when I over-monitor his stuff. He feels controlled and I feel like I have lost my focus, my focus should be on me, not on him. But we seemingly support each other with more efficiency every day. It takes practice and patience.

I still have to remind myself alot not to take some of his stuff personally. Over an over no matter how much I read it on posts, I still remind myself "it's not about me".

 

[clare]

Since I have PTSD this is advice my huband can use. Having a son with PTSD it's something I can use too!

Thanks Shoka!
clare

 

[BioHazard]

I see your point, Shoka. I've never seen how I act when I disassociate, but I have seen the fear on my wife's face when I come back to myself, and that has helped me to learn to control myself. I've never laid a hand on her, thankfully, but it is still something I worry about. I have often wondered why she occasionally suggests that I go out to the shop and tinker around, especially when there are things in the house that i know she wants done. I believe that now I know. Maybe she has learned to recognize warning signs that I'm about to have an incident.Thanks for pointing that out to me.

 

[ISupportHer]

Well, playing Devil's Advocate but I think that dissociative episodes are on a continuum with DID at the extreme end. With recent threads about DID elsewhere, I was wondering if anyone who has responded here feels their sufferer has DID.

ISH

 

[Nicolette]

Not from this end ISH. Zones out but no DID.

 

[Nicolette]

BTW, Shoka I wanted to point out how far you have come and you should commend yourself on your own development. I remember when you first joined when I am sure my replies made you cringe but now you are offering similar advice from having the strength to try what others have learned. Well done!

 

[LoveMyHubby]

Same here

My husband also sits in front of the tv all day and all night long. I work nights and only get about 5 hours of sleep a day then wake up to do the dishes, laundry, dinner, homework with 5 year old, get her ready for bed, watch part of a tv show the get ready and go to work again.
I don't like to ask him for much since he thinks my asking is bitching, but sometimes I get too frustrated that I don't have enough time in the day to do all that I need to. Tonight, while I was doing the dishes so I could start dinner, he came out of his chair to heat him up something quick to eat. Dinner was going to be ready fast...if I could just hurry and get the dishes done. So I made some smartass remark that did get him to help me.
He sits in front of the tv spaced out all day long but I know he feels guilty about it because he tells me when he is helping me. He's constantly saying sorry for his actions.
Mostly on our tv is the news, which I hate because of all of the horrible things going on in the world that he has to start his day off with and emerse the rest of the day with. If its not news it's sports...or the Playstation that I've had since I was 18 (I guess its his now cause I haven't touched it in years).
I am worried about it because it is no way to spend his days. I think the problem with my husband is that he needs some sort of job that he could actually do for part of the day without expectations of people without ptsd (make sense?). He's 100% disabled and before that he had like 10 jobs in a few years.