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Relationship What Triggers Have You Learned To Avoid?

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dulcia

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What triggers have you learned to avoid in your relationship? (Or sufferers, what are big triggers for you?) I'm asking in an attempt to compile some sort of list of common and uncommon triggers to see if there are some I may be missing or not realizing in my own relationship.

For example, a big one for my SO is hearing someone nearby speaking Arabic/Pashto, etc.
 
I'm terrified of people walking towards me. Hearing footsteps coming in my direction makes me lose it.
Closely related to this is walking past a person or feeling like someone is in "my bubble". My therapist used to wait for me to enter her office and close the door behind me but now she lets me close it because I freak out if I have to pass her.
Yelling is a gigantic trigger for me. If I hear someone yelling or speaking aggressively for any reason, my day is pretty much ruined.
 
I wasn't given a roadmap to my husband's landmines, so I had no idea what was there. He would never tell me when he was triggered, so I had no idea until recently.

Pointing out commitment is a big one for him - IE, "We're in this together," "You promised me," etc. Means nothing to him but shutting down. Basically, the stuff that goes with love and relationships - he has no idea what to do with unconditional love because he didn't receive it before. He has no idea what to do with love, other than run. Hell, I probably triggered him every time I said "I love you," unsolicited.
 
I think you might get a wide array of responses depending on how the PTSD was acquired. I can imaging PTSD stemming from childhood abuse would have very different triggers from that coming from combat and so on.

It would be interesting to know what commonalities there might be!
 
So far for me it's anytime I have a concern about our relationship. Planning anything is not good either. When I am unhappy that there were plans, but then the plans go awry because he forgot, that's a no no!

Busy, public places cause anxiety.
 
I think you might get a wide array of responses depending on how the PTSD was acquired. I can imaging PTSD...
For sure. I think another reason I might be asking is because one or two of my vets worst triggers seem to have nothing to do with combat and everything to do with a shitty ex-spouse. Which is something I've been trying to wrap my head around.
 
For sure. I think another reason I might be asking is because one or two of my vets worst triggers s...
OMG I have been thinking that very same thing! Shitty ex situation! And I mean very shitty. Enough to make anyone have relationship issues.

What I've concluded in my situation is that it's a combo. And also, not just PTSD per second, but the mental and emotional conditioning one goes through in the military, combat, and law enforcement. They really are conditioned not to trust and to be suspicious, and not to FEEL! Add a toxic and dysfunctional relationship history...triple whammy!
 
It's interesting to see how things that don't seem like they're related to combat (or whatever your sufferer's trauma may be) in actuality DO have everything to do with it.

For example, my vet is an asshole when it comes to his vehicles. He's overly picky, almost to the point of obsession over them. He has sold a brand new vehicle because he heard a "squeak" that nobody else could hear. He rarely lets one get more than a few years old before he trades it in and gets a new one. He constantly maintains, improves, and tinkers with them. Meanwhile, he has torn into me for the state of my car. I am not a car person... I tend to forget to get oil changes on time, and run low on gas. It's also lived in family car and a few years old. I like my car, it's paid off and runs great. He is constantly on me about getting a new one. We have had many an argument and rage over some kind of vehicle issue. I tend to tiptoe around it, and assumed it was a personality quirk ramped up by PTSD.

It took me awhile to realize it was related to his Trauma. He was Cav, and in the Cav you take care of your mount. He has injuries from not one, but a series of roadside IEDs. The state of your vehicle can make the difference between life and death. PMCS, then more PMCS.
 
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My teenage son jokes that I "Sexually identify as an attack helicopter." Mostly to riff on the meme, and tease me about my refusal to date right now (LOL. So I just kind of :shifty: at him & tell him to respect my right to rain down death and destruction from the sky). But it started because apparently whenever I see helos I just LOOK like pure, unadulterated, lust. (Jeeeeeebus. Mom. Hello??? // Oh. Right. Sorry kiddo. What were you saying? // NVM. You need a minute? A cigarette? A room?) There's also a bunch of stuff I've learned to recognize just because he's like Smack. Yo! Triggly-puff!

Which irritates the hell out of me. Mostly because I don't consider these things triggers. Aaaaaaand it's not like I've actually told him I have PTSD &/or triggers.

It's just interesting to me the things he notices & calls me on, versus the stuff I'm well aware of. For the record : I do not have a hard on for <insert country name here>. Apparently, however, I make a face. And am then fairly unreasonable for the next little while. I disagree. I'm perfectly reasonable. & my face just naturally looks like :wtf:
 
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My teenage son jokes that I "Sexually identify as an attack helicopter." Mostly to riff on the meme, and...
well you dang sure have a good amount of humor on your reaction! :laugh: your son sounds like he got his sense of humor from you.
 
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