I saught treatment originally after I experienced a bad year when I was 18 (parents divorce, lost my baby and almost died myself from illness, fiance died in car accident and two weeks after he died I was kidnapped, raped and tortured for 8 months with multiple attempts to escape kidnapper and again dying from infections throughout my body). Once I was "safe", I started having flash backs of not only the kidnapping but of my father raping me as a young child. I still did realize there was anything wrong with me but went into counseling to find out why I was having flashbacks of my father. It was then I realized that I was severely mentally and physically abused by both my parents, raped by my father and my mother used me as a scapegoat so he wouldn't rape her anymore. This was such a shock to my system that I stopped counseling and ran from it all.
So for years after this I just dealt with the flashbacks and overwhelming emotions, until I wasn't able to function at all and severe depression hit and I was hospitalized (age 21). I started counseling again for a few more years until I married (at age 26) and found out that my husband was raping/molesting our baby girl. I went to live with my mother, mom started punching me in the face in front of my then 1 year old daughter because she said it was all my fault that the abuse happened, so we went into a shelter. The flashbacks started coming on full-force again so I went into counseling again for years and started to finally deal with what had happened. During the time I was in counseling a few more traumas happened and I was in and out of the hospital for complex PTSD and severe depression while continuing counseling.
I am 40 now and have not been in counseling for about 6 years and lived a flashback free life for those years up until now. For some reason, although there is no trauma, I am starting to have flashbacks and panic attacks again. I start counseling again in 2 weeks so I can gain some understanding of why I am having PTSD again.
I wish you the best with your treatment. Counseling has been very helpful for me. I make better choices now, see life as a positive place (most of the time), have a better understanding of who I am and how to work through stress and anxiety - Kristin
So for years after this I just dealt with the flashbacks and overwhelming emotions, until I wasn't able to function at all and severe depression hit and I was hospitalized (age 21). I started counseling again for a few more years until I married (at age 26) and found out that my husband was raping/molesting our baby girl. I went to live with my mother, mom started punching me in the face in front of my then 1 year old daughter because she said it was all my fault that the abuse happened, so we went into a shelter. The flashbacks started coming on full-force again so I went into counseling again for years and started to finally deal with what had happened. During the time I was in counseling a few more traumas happened and I was in and out of the hospital for complex PTSD and severe depression while continuing counseling.
I am 40 now and have not been in counseling for about 6 years and lived a flashback free life for those years up until now. For some reason, although there is no trauma, I am starting to have flashbacks and panic attacks again. I start counseling again in 2 weeks so I can gain some understanding of why I am having PTSD again.
I wish you the best with your treatment. Counseling has been very helpful for me. I make better choices now, see life as a positive place (most of the time), have a better understanding of who I am and how to work through stress and anxiety - Kristin
