Sexual Assault What Would You Say?

[Jen]

If you could say any one thing to your abuser and have the courage to do so, what would it be?

 

[Lucycat]

Why?

 

[Jen]

I've been thinking a lot recently about whether speaking to my abuser about what happened and why he did these things would give me some sort of closure, or whether it would in fact just make things worse. If I could just understand. Which then led me to the question 'what would I say?'

Maybe even just to make him realise what he's done. I just wanted some input from others who may of contemplated this themselves.

X

 

[rainbow1]

I've thought a lot about this too and don't know that I would trust his response to any of my questions to be the truth. But I guess I would want to ask him why. x

 

[Ted Moen]

If I knew who he was (beyond the guy who picked me up hitch hiking as an adolescent and molested me) I would tell him I forgive him and report the incident to the appropriate authorities.

Ted

 

[Lucycat]

Jen, sorry you misunderstood me. I was not asking YOU why, I am saying 'why ?' is what I would ask my abuser.

 

[Jen]

Ahhh I see Brucielucy. Yes I feel I would ask the same thing, or I would want to ask. But as rainbow said I'm not sure that I would feel and of the answers given were valid.

Has anyone here been able to confront their abuser and how did it work out?

I'm not sure that I have the courage to do so but feel it would help a little towards moving on with my life x

 

[cherryblossom]

Wow, Jen - It's a massive question!

I haven't confronted the person who raped me. I don't know who he was.

I also don't know that I'd want to, nor do I know what I'd say if I was given the opportunity. I think the theory of what you might want to say is very different to the reality of actually doing it.

There are people here though, who have confronted their abuser, and I think it can be very helpful. I know of people who have sent letters, and remained anonymous by doing so. Also, of others who have 'confronted' their abusers in court.

I suppose it depends on the circumstances, and how they are confronted. Most of all, it's important to stay safe, please ;) . I can imagine that it could be very empowering for the survivor, so long as it's 'safe', and you have support to help you deal with emotional aspects.

Their response is the unknown, which I suppose could be damaging to the survivor. It's a tough one, certainly.

 

[Anna]

Same as many above. I would ask why. Why the need to nearly kill me and inflict such pain? Why did you become a sadist? who hurt you? who made you the monster you are?

 

[Nyx]

I have asked these questions in my mind too many times. I have tried to understand why it came to this and what made him do the things he did. I have understood that it is pathological, which means there is no logic to it. So I wouldn't ask him anything, I would just state the fact that he hurt and changed my life in more ways that he could ever imagine. Not sure he would understand, though.

 

[Jen]

Dear A,

How did you ever think it was right to do this to a defenceless child who couldn't protect themselves? Did you think this was ok? Do you feel ANY remorse for what you have done, how you treated me and for the constant pain you have forced upon me every day of my life? Do you even care?

We trusted you. You took away my childhood. I want you to feel what this feels like.

I would like to have the courage to say this, even though his answers are lies. He feels no remorse. He feels nothing. Yet I still need to say it. I need to try, but I can't. I'm a coward.

x

 

[Nyx]

Jen, instead of being so hard on yourself, try to look at things another way: do you feel any good would come from confronting him like this?